[sticky entry] Sticky: Fic master list

Mar. 14th, 2011 01:59 pm
ysobel: (attacked by a pencil scribble)
Here is a list of fic that I have written since 2005. The list is not guaranteed to be complete, and does not include snippets that were never officially published. Some pre-2005 work is still available; see the end for details.

This list does not include spoiler warnings, content warnings, or any other kind of warnings or tags. (This is not an attempt to be insensitive; rather, I haven't found a warning/tagging method that works for me, or that I have been able to maintain with any reliability.) I give word counts where I know it, and note remixes and crossovers, but that's it.

Fics are sorted by fandom, then date.

My AO3 account (here) overlaps this list; not everything on AO3 is listed here, and not everything here is on AO3. One of these days I will get around to fixing that. Maybe.

fandoms: Buffy, Firefly, Harry Potter, Heroes, Lord of the Rings, Merlin, Numb3rs, Pirates of the Caribbean, Star Trek AOS, Star Wars TPM, Stargate SG-1, Supernatural, Vagrant Story, White Collar, X-Men (First Class), and misc )

This list is up to date as of May 3, 2015
ysobel: (Default)
Okay so I am *cracking the fuck up*

so I had this revelation a while ago that I might have either EDS or some similar hypermobility, because of things I remember doing as a kid that seemed perfectly normal but apparently aren't, but how the fuck can you tell because I'm basically immobile so any hypermobility tests wouldn't work

...today my mom comes in and we're talking and she mentions something for me to look up... "aylers denforth? I think it's a-h-l--" and I go "e h l, actually. ehlers-danlos." "?????? how do you know about it?" "I have friends that have eds."

and anyway it turns out that, like

both of my mom's sisters have been diagnosed with eds

and several of my cousins on that side

and her mom might have probably had it and just never got diagnosed

and she might have it

and I just kind of lost it laughing

(and then I had to explain why)

but yes. Probability that I actually do have EDS just ratcheted way up.
ysobel: A bunny (bunny comics) in the dotted-line red-x-in-corner broken-image style (404 not found)
Right now, I am a huge gaping hole of sadness and of missing the things I used to be able to do.

a non exhaustive list )

And it hurts.

And I can't do a fucking thing about it.

Dreams

May. 20th, 2015 10:41 am
ysobel: (Default)
Had a Twilight Zone dream last night. It started out normslish; there was this building, a sort of rec/games center, with an arcade on the upper floor and a ramp down to a roller rink on the lower floor. Only as we were leaving, we discovered an elevator, which went down to a sub-basement with kind of creepy dancing Elvis robots and then a ramp up to the roller rink.

...which is when it changed to a TZ episode. As it turned out, if you accessed the rink through the sub-basement area, you could change reality. And the place as a whole was run by an old rich guy (who looked a lot like ... uh, the evil rich guy in It's a Wonderful Life) with three employees, a sort of golden child (I don't know whether he was literally the guys son or not) who was an obnoxious annoying jock, a black guy named Sam who was actually really smart but never got listened to, and a third guy named Michael, who had been trying without success to convince the boss of Sam's worth (and jock-guy's lack of same, because he was good at being offensive but bad at running a business). So Michael and Sam came up with a plan to body swap Sam with the annoying jock dude, so that Sam could actually make a difference; except when they got upstairs the boss had apparently changed his mind and was favoriting Sam -- aka annoying jock guy in Sam's body, who was aware of what happened and was just smirking at the other two) -- and Sam in the jock's body started arguing that he was really Sam, but the boss and jock!Sam just smirked harder. So Michael and Sam!jock decided to go back downstairs and re-swap back, but they had to wait for two aliens (that sort of looked like giant walking pickles with eyes) to to down first. And the elevator dinged but opened on a black empty shaft, and then whatever was happening downstairs caused the entire place not to have ever existed.

And then there was a Rod Serling voiceover wrap-up about being careful what you wish for.
ysobel: (Default)
In totally shocking news, the Laverne Coz talk had a way different demographic -- younger, queerer (in the QUILTBAG sense, not the weirdo sense), more hair dye in vivid colors -- than symphony concerts.

The few people irl I've mentioned this talk to have been mostly indifferent; a lot of them don't know who she is, or why I wanted to go. People online seem to get it more. I don't know how much of that is that I'm more open about my own queerness, how much is that my friend base online skews a lot queerer (and disableder) than the people I know irl, and how much is just that y'all are awesome.

(I tend to be a lot more shy and ... conservative, not politically but in terms of pushing boundaries, plus I pass better for straight cis female? ... in meatspace. I don't look super queer or anything and am not brave enough to Come Out as Different. Which ... idk)

But anyway. Talk was awesome, LC is awesome -- and also apparently a fan of Brene Brown -- and I totally want to go back in time and give all the hugs to the kid she used to be.
ysobel: A kitten curled up, one paw half over its face; text: ow (ow)
Duck, I'm an idiot.

I generally take both ibuprofen and Vicodin daily -- the first for being an anti-inflammatory more than pain relief. I got sloppy with the refill issue and had a couple of days where I didn't have any because I ran out but the refill hadn't gotten processed. I took extra Vicodin (within the prescribed Vicodin amount, just more than I usually take) to compensate.

I forgot, until my body reminded me tonight, that rebound headaches are a thing.

I also *forgot that ibuprofen comes in ducking non-prescription levels*. Yes, the dosage is lower, but for a few days taking a handful of smaller pills to make up the prescribed amount would get me the same thing. And avoid the headache.

Mrgh. Ducking idiot.

Also my ducking autocorrect needs to learn how to ducking swear.
ysobel: (Default)
Too lazy to write a full post, but.

Spoilers, obvs.

Language! )
ysobel: A wyrm eating its own tail (ouroboros)
Weird-ass dreams recently:

One last night that was a Leverage dream, where Eliot and Sophie were somehow a thing [idek] and Sophie had gotten kidnapped while on a trip and Nate was all "Okay so our first order of business is--" and Eliot said "--go to the airport [the place where he had last seen Sophie] and get some dessert so the airport is a happy place again, yes I know, let's go get it over with" and at some point I realized that the future episode [which doesn't actually exist afaik, this was just dream canon] where Sophie was afraid to let Eliot [again, wtf] see her scars was from the stuff in this episode

One a week or so ago where my mom kept needing to pee and thinking of weird-ass ways to do it without actually involving a bathroom; at one point she was sitting in a chair next to a wall, one leg crossed over the other so her hips were canted, and she was talking about punching a hole in the [fragile but not crumbly] wall and aiming pee into the hole; at a later point we were standing around waiting for something and she needed to pee but didn't want to go too far away so I suggested she go behind a nearby dumpster and squat, and next thing I know she had stripped entirely naked before making a run for the dumpster; and I know what it means when I dream about *me* needing to pee [i.e. that I have a full bladder IRL] but I don't know what it means when I dream about my *mom* needing to pee

One a few days ago that was this weird mashup of Stargate (and General Hammond was definitely involved) and MCU stuff, only the Stargate-ish thing a) could only transport one person at a time and had to be reset between uses, and b) had the possibility of partial transport [i.e. whatever body parts had not gotten sucked in when one end shut down, got left behind], and one of the Howling Commandos got his lower body amputated by the Stargate closing early or something, so Hammond wanted to retire him, but Natasha was all "fuck that" and came up with a two-seater hover-motorcycle-thing and rescued him from the infirmary

...my dreams are weird sometimes.
ysobel: (Default)
...Laverne Cox is doing a speaking engagement here the 19th.

I kinda wanna go. :x
ysobel: (Default)
cw: food shame, food-health relationship, things like that

Read more... )

So... fic

Apr. 30th, 2015 10:54 pm
ysobel: Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr, in X-men uniforms (xmfc - charles and erik)
Two new xmfc fic; one is the Holocaust tattoo idea I couldn't get rid of, the other is just porn.

Indelible (818 words) by isabeau
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: X-Men: First Class (2011)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier
Additional Tags: Holocaust Reference, Tattoos, Charles Always Says the Absolute Worst Thing He Could Possibly Say, Honestly Charles What Are You Thinking
Summary: There are some lines you do not cross. Warning for Holocaust references.

Marked (1157 words) by isabeau
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: X-Men: First Class (2011)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier
Additional Tags: Porn, Remix, happier endings, Basically a PWP
Summary: Um. Charles gets jealous, and then there is sex, because porn is awesome, or something.
ysobel: Pink bunny (bunny comics), holding a sign: "jesus save / cthulhu eats"; text: choose wisely (choose wisely!)
So I picked up at one point a box set of fluffy food-themed mystery cozies for mindless reading. It was either free or a 99-cent thing, I forget which. Anyway, the first one was fun, basically the sort of thing I expected.

The second one I can't get past the first page.

It starts with our heroine musing on how she hasn't dated since her divorce, and then this guy asked her out, and he was attractive but she wasn't ready so she gave him every excuse she could think of, and when he kept persisting she finally said the "dreaded" yes.

Now, I think the intended subtext is that she secretly wanted to go out with him and he knew that so its okay that he pushed past her reluctance to what she really wanted. But ... no no no no. Repeated excuses are not "please ask me again", they are "no". And saying yes to a date should not be phrased as dreaded, even in jest.

...sometimes I wish I were still oblivious enough to see this sort of situation as adorably romantic instead of skeevy as hell.

Um.

Apr. 23rd, 2015 09:17 pm
ysobel: (learning german)
So I am refreshing my German using Duolingo -- 146 day streak woo -- and one of the words today was Ernst, meaning seriousness. One of the sentences I encountered three times with this word; the first time was the “refrigerator magnet” sort of thing where you have a list of words that you pick out the correctly translated sentence from.

The German sentence was “Im Ernst” -- and there is no punctuation in Duo but the vocal inflection was as a question. Literally, this translates to “in the seriousness”

The only possible English translation from the provided words, and apparently the default translation for that sentence, is “No kidding”.

Seriously, Duo? Seriously?

Writing

Apr. 22nd, 2015 04:25 pm
ysobel: (Default)
I *miss* writing.

The answer (some people say) is to write. But I can't. I try, and the words don't come, or I get tangled up in logistics, or something.

I have stuff that I want to work on, except that because I don't really get new plot ideas any more (which comes from not writing), most of it is stuff with existing writing, so on top of the process of writing being like *pulling teeth* only less fun, I have a paralyzing fear of breaking it.

Current WIPs, as far as I can tell )

So much of that stuff is so old omg. I just ... I feel like such a failure at writing, but I can't remember how.
ysobel: (Default)
Today sucked like a vacuum cleaner made out of a black hole.

Power went out -- we'd had advanced notice (doing work blah blah blah) but without estimated times or durations. I woke up at 8:30, possibly awoken by the power going out; by 3:30, when I left for chorus, it was still out. (It's back on now at least.) I only had internet through my phone (and with no idea how long the outage would last, didn't want to overuse it), didn’t have computer, didn’t have microwave or hot water (at least my stove is gas, so I could have coffee), etc. At least I could crochet...

Also my grandma died today (not unexpected, but fuck cancer) and I am not as sad as I feel like I ought to be. (Like I’m being a bad granddaughter for not caring, or something.) Did I mention fuck cancer?

And I had to go in person to my doctor to get a fucking physical paper prescription for Vicodin to take to the pharmacy because of the stupid regulations that are in place. Fuck the war on drugs, anyway.

And I had a meeting tonight that I didn’t want to have to go to argh, except I ditched last month because it was right on the heels of Rehearsal Hell Week.

I am full of mrgh.

(...which I accidentally mistyped as meth, whoops.)
ysobel: A bunny (bunny comics) in the dotted-line red-x-in-corner broken-image style (404 not found)
So I'm kind of in a bad headspace right now (in case the poem didn't give that away). Depression is hitting harder than normal, and normal for me is pretty hard anyway, so I'm ... very not okay.

One of the things it's being most vocal about is that I need to isolate. That people don't want to me around me especially when I'm on a depressive jag, that I don't deserve to be around people, that no one would notice or be bothered if I just disappeared, that I should go away and stop imposing on people who don't like me. And intellectually I know that depression is a lying liar that lies like a lying thing, but brainweasels are very good about making their lies feel real.

I can't trust my own brain right now, so I need to borrow y'all's for a while. If you like me (not in the sense of *like* like, just, idk, think I'm nifty) and are so inclined, please tell me? This is not an obligation, and I promise that I won't judge if you don't say anything -- it's not that I need you to prove our friendship (or whatever), it's thar my brain says I am a hate-worthy despicable person and right now I need points of view that are *not* that.

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ysobel: (Default)
masquerading as a man with a reason

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