[sticky entry] Sticky: Fic master list

Mar. 14th, 2011 01:59 pm
ysobel: (attacked by a pencil scribble)
Here is a list of fic that I have written since 2005. The list is not guaranteed to be complete, and does not include snippets that were never officially published. Some pre-2005 work is still available; see the end for details.

This list does not include spoiler warnings, content warnings, or any other kind of warnings or tags. (This is not an attempt to be insensitive; rather, I haven't found a warning/tagging method that works for me, or that I have been able to maintain with any reliability.) I give word counts where I know it, and note remixes and crossovers, but that's it.

Fics are sorted by fandom, then date.

My AO3 account (here) overlaps this list; not everything on AO3 is listed here, and not everything here is on AO3. One of these days I will get around to fixing that.

fandoms: Buffy, Firefly, Harry Potter, Heroes, Lord of the Rings, Merlin, Numb3rs, Pirates of the Caribbean, Star Trek AOS, Star Wars TPM, Stargate SG-1, Supernatural, Vagrant Story, White Collar, X-Men (First Class), and misc )

This list is up to date as of March 5, 2012
ysobel: (Default)
...one disadvantage of a strict midnight changeover for tallying "did I do X today" is that there's no leeway for "well it's technically the next day but only barely and I haven't gone to sleep yet so it's still yesterday" slides.

Luckily duolinguo has a thing you can "buy" with site currency that preserves a streak over one day of inactivity. So I haven't lost the listed streak (315 days woo). This is the third technical drop that I've managed to rescue that way, and one or the others was the same sort of remembered-too-late thing, where it was just barely after midnight. Okay this is a bit more than barely (12:16 when I started the lesson) but eh.
ysobel: (Default)
I feel sad and I don't know why.

I also feel like there was something (important) I needed to do that I have forgotten about. And I can't tell if I actually did have something in mind or if it's just one of those random brain things.

Also, unrelatedly, I published my first knitting pattern (here; it's a rectangular version of a fairly basic bias-knit dishcloth with eyelets) woo. I feel weird saying it's mine, because really I was just adapting a pattern that's in common use, but eh.

Also also, I am very sneezy right now.
ysobel: Pink bunny (bunny comics), head cut open, completely hollow (no brain today)
Am quite tired. Apparently therapy sessions that involve a lot of crying and poking at deeply inrooted issues? Not an easy thing.

cut for stuff, but wanted to document )


Jun. 25th, 2014 10:17 pm
ysobel: (learning german)
So duolinguo has several different modes -- some is "listen to spoken phrase in $newlang and write what you hear" (or if you have microphone enabled, "speak the given phrase in $newlang") and the rest is variants of "translate between $newlang and $oldlang", but those have different mechanisms. Some is straight writing; some is choosing words refrigerator-magnet-style from a given selection; some is just "translate this word". The free-writing allows mouseover hints on individual words; the refrigerator magnet doesn't; and the individual word translation doesn't.

Right now I'm getting body parts. And I get individual word translation of "mouth". And I go completely and utterly blank.

But it won't let you skip, so I had to put something, no matter that I didn't have a clue. And I had a random phrase float into my head, boca del infierno, so I put in boca, and selected la rather than el because boca ends in a, and I waited for the wrong-answer noise.

And it gave the right-answer noise.

And I went wtf for a moment, and then started laughing, because I totally never thought random Buffy knowledge would help with Spanish.
ysobel: (Default)
1. Had a dream last night where ickiness with bugs ) And then there was a bit where I looked in the restaurant's fridge and a live T-rex came charging out. I feel that ought to have clued me in to its dreamness, because live T-rexes are not usually in fridges, but apparently not. And then there was heavily spiked eggnog.

2. I have enough backlog of Graze snacks that I switched to monthly and also delayed the next box. I also marked as trash some of the stuff that is harder for me to eat solo (in particular the stuff involving dips), regardless of whether or not I like it, because the main reason I'm doing this (by which I mean getting Graze boxes) is for stuff when I'm alone.

2b. My guilt issues re trashing stuff, meanwhile, continue to run rampant. And the most recent issue was today because I tried one of the things I'd been sent -- "booster seeds", which is sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds and golden flaxseeds. Which is ~healthy~ and a good source of iron and stuff, and I /couldn't stand it/. It tasted like the sort of thing you eat because it's ~healthy~ and ~good for you~ and never mind that it's roughly as yummy as cardboard, and not even cardboard that has been soaked in pizza grease for flavor, you eat every last mouthful. And I tried a second bite, and only succeeded in getting flaxseeds stuck in my teeth. And yet I feel guilty about a) not eating the rest of the container (or stirring it into yogurt or something, never mind that I don't really do yogurt) and b) marking it as trashed, because it's ~healthy~. My brain, folks.

3. One thing I really miss when playing SWTOR? My WoW macros. Especially when I'm healing.

Because in WoW, I had a bunch of macros that said things like "if target is friendly, use healing skill Y; if target is enemy, use attack skill Z; if no target, use Y on myself" or "if target is enemy, use attack skill Z. If target is friendly but has an enemy targeted, use Z on my target's target" or whatever. So I didn't have to change targets in order to switch from healing an ally to beating up on the boss, and I could always use the easy-to-reach keys (1-6 and the shift variants) regardless of target. And I would have macros that say "in a group, do one thing, in solo play do another". Or "Use healing skill Y on mouseover target if applicable, otherwise target if applicable, otherwise target of target if applicable, otherwise myself" so that I didn't even need to change targets to heal someone else, just mouse over their little portrait in the group list. And stuff.

But I don't think SWTOR has macros, which means that half my easy-to-reach skillbar is taken up with heal skills and half with damage skills and I keep pressing the wrong one and I keep having to click on an enemy and fire off an attack and then find whoever needs healing and click on them and use a heal skill, and it's slow and not very responsive and annoying and wahhh. *sulk*
ysobel: (Default)
1) Had a dream last night where I was trying to pass as a man, except the clothes I was wearing were too big (like think "4 year old dressing in an adult's outfit" levels of too big), and my shirt wasn't tucked in but I was afraid that if I tried tucking it then people would see I lacked the apparently-obligatory belt that others were wearing, and it was all super awkward. I was apparently successful enough that a kid (son of someone I know at church) ran up behind me and hugged me and said "I love you daddy" before realizing I wasn't his daddy. And then I was at a meal, and my immediate family members were in attendance, and I was afraid that they would for one thing recognize me, and for another thing recognize the convolutions required for me to eat, and it was unlikely that another person with my condition would be around, so I was desperately trying to look normal, while rolling up the sleeves of the jacket I was wearing (really more of a graduation gown sort of thing) so they didn't flop over my hands. I ended up at a table with my sister (who, in the dream, recognized me but was willing to play along) and my dad (who either didn't recognize me and was curious about me, or was deliberately asking questions to try to get me to out myself), asking e.g. what my name was and what I did for a living and stuff, and I didn't have any answers and panicked and gave some name (forget the first name, but the last name was Stevens) and an occupation (technical writer for H.P. and similar companies) and was hoping he wouldn't ask too many more questions, and that's when I woke up.

Not sure what it was about; okay so there's an obviousish theme of "pretending to be competent adult and hoping no one notices who I really am" that pops up sometimes in my dreams, but I don't know what the pretending to be a man was all about.

2) Visited my mom today - she had knee replacement last Wednesday and is in a skilled nursing facility type place for a few weeks while she recovers and does PT and stuff. And the whole time I was there part of my brain was going in panicked circles because if I ever stop being able to live independently, that's the sort of place I'll end up in, and I had immediate visceral do-not-want-ness about that.

Mind, if I ever end up there I'm sure I'll cope, but in the meantime, my brain is doing panic gerbil.

3) Also I have panic gerbil brain because I decided to write up a pattern to put on Ravelry and now I am getting it test knit (especially since I can't really knit right now so I'm pretty sure the theory works out but flaaaaail. It doesn't really make me a Real Designer because I didn't really design anything -- it's sort of like taking a commonly used answer in support requests and making a FAQ out of it -- but I am still, well, gerbily.

(There is a fairly popular pattern for a dishcloth that is worked diagonally, and I've seen enough people asking how to make it rectangular that I figured I would write it up as an actual patterny thing. It's just an adaptation, but hopefully something that's useful to people.)

...apparently $NUM eq 3. Who'da guessed.
ysobel: (learning german)
and I just figured out why I have a problem with the Spanish word for 9.

See, okay, one of the things that trips me up is the set of words for this/that/those. One aspect is just remembering which is this and which is that (current convoluted mnemonic is the inverse t factor: "that" ends in t, "eso" doesn't have a t; "this" doesn't end in t, "esto" has one). And then there's the third one (that-over-there), which is aquel but I had to look it up because I couldn't remember. I wanted to say allí but that is a different word.

But the other aspect is gender. Most of Spanish has two grammatical genders, but demonstratives have three: eso/ese/esa and esto/este/esta. Neuter, masculine, feminine. The masculine and feminine forms are used when there is a (gendered) noun associated with it: "this book is mine". Neuter is used (according to the site I just looked up again) for abstract ideas and unknown objects.

Which is fine escept for which is which. Masculine adjectives in Spanish end in -o for the most part, but eso/esto are the *neuter* forms, and ese/este are the masculine ones.

Which is where nine comes in.

The Spanish word for nine is nueve.

The Spanish word for new is nuevo.

I found tonight, not for the first time, that I keep wanting to read nueve as new. So, like, "otros nueve goles" -- another nine goals, a phrase I got in today's Duo lesson -- had me staring at it going "......uhhh, other new goals? What?". But I only just figured out *why*: overgeneralization of the esto/este thing.

Or something.
ysobel: A man wielding a kitchen knife and making an adorable yelling face (rage)
The more informed I get about rape culture and the concept of enthusiastic consent, the more squicked out I get by incidents, RL or fictional, involving aggressive romantic/sexual pursuit of an uninterested party.

I finished my rewatch of Star Trek TNG and have moved on to DS9, and there's an episode where basically Lwaxana Troi gets attracted to Odo, who is eminently uninterested and pretty much asexual+aromantic in general (I can't remember if this changes later in the series but at the moment that is his explicit canonical stance), and just. Eurgh. And he goes to Sisko for help, who is amused and suggests mainly that he let himself get caught (because, idek, it would be good for him or something.)

Why why why augh.
ysobel: (Default)

Verdict: I have a cavity.

(MY VERY FIRST CAVITY EVER WOO. I will name it George, and I will hug it and pet it and squeeze it…)

Because I am a very special snowflake, it may or may not be treatable in the normal way. I have a spot where I have an extra tooth -- really it’s an offshoot (from below the gums) of one of the regular teeth, but the end result is that I have the first premolar and the second premolar and then the extra tooth behind and straddling the gap, making a tight little triangle that is a bitch and a half to clean. And the cavity is in there, which on the one hand makes sense because it’s the likeliest spot for me to develop problems, but on the other hand means that it’s sort of hard to get to. He’s going to try to take care of it by cleaning and doing a filling (with no or limited anaesthetic options because injections are bad), but there is a minor possibility that the only real methods for dealing with it would be root canal (without anaesthesia ahahahano) or taking the tooth out entirely.

Fun times.

I have an appointment for the 30th -- and because my brain is weird, I felt all awkward about reassuring them that most of the time it wasn’t a problem, since they were worried about having me wait when it was hurting, and even with the confirmation of A Thing going on in there, I still felt like I was overreacting by coming in when it wasn’t at the point of hurting all the time -- and in the meantime I get to research dental treatment guidelines, whee.
ysobel: (Default)
The last few days I’ve been having on and off lower jaw pain -- way lower than my teeth but could be a root issue. It mostly gets triggered by eating hot foods. Very sharp linear pain, probably an 8 on the pain scale, like a very slender straight ice pick. I have an appointment to see my dentist tomorrow morning.

And I’m sorta scared. Because dental work has a high probability of having the jaw fuse up (novocaine shots almost always trigger reactions, fiddling with teeth may or may not have an effect), and my jaw is quite literally one of the few things I have left. Plus, if I lose jaw mobility I might not be able to really sing, and that is one of my stress relievers and social activities. I have promised myself that if/when my jaw fuses up I can get my ears pierced and wear pretty earrings as a … reward isn’t the right term, but positive association sort of thing? … but really, I don’t know what I’d do.

I don’t know for sure that this is something that will need treatment -- it could be anything from temperature sensitivity, to clenching teeth at night, to a cracked tooth, to who knows what. (Not checking webmd, it probably will convince me I have bone cancer in my jaw and also tetanus and maybe mumps and polio as well.) And if it does need treatment, it might not be anything invasive. And if it does need invasive treatment, a) my dentist is awesome (and he and his office have been very good about helping me with preventive oral care) and b) there are people familiar with FOP dental issues that can be consulted, so there is a chance -- not a huge one, but I can still hope -- that nothing permanent will happen.

But still.



Jun. 15th, 2014 08:41 pm
ysobel: A man wielding a kitchen knife and making an adorable yelling face (rage)
I am ... very annoyed.

Caregiver scheduled to be on call Sunday afternoons (where "on call" = come when I need to go to the bathroom, generally just for toileting, and also in the evening around 9 to toilet and get me ready for bed), who has had Sunday afternoons in her rotation for a really long time now, and before that had *all* of Sunday except that she kept not showing up in time for me to get to church so we shuffled stuff around so that I could actually have a better chance of showing up--

Let me start over.

Caregiver scheduled to be on call Sunday afternoons somehow forgot that she did Sunday afternoons. I sent my first text at 4. About six texts, four calls, and *two and a half hours* later, she gets back to me, and she does come over then and she is sorry and she didn't have today written down for me and she was swimming which is why she didn't answer her phone and ... etc. As she is leaving she asks me who does tonight; I say she does; she says okay.

8:30, I get a text from her asking if she can please get coverage for her shift because the exterminator is coming to her place again tomorrow (she has a bug problem) and everything's not ready.


My other caregivers are stretched thin, and I haven't found enough people to get a proper rotation. They pretty much can't cover. My dad and stepmom, who have helped me sometimes, are out of town. But.

Substitutions are hard to manage but possible. Last-minute substitutions are *pretty dang impossible*.

And "I haven't gotten done the stuff for tomorrow" doesn't fucking hold water, pun intended, when you were fucking *swimming for more than two hours* wtffffff


ysobel: (Default)
1) Last Friday's concert went well, as did Music Sunday in church (where I
did a duet wheeee). I am pleased.

2) I miss writing. I super miss when writing was easy. Well, not easy
exactly, it still took work, but ... when it didn't feel quite like pulling
teeth just to get a sentence out.

3) I also miss knitting, dangit. And cross-stitch. Meh.

On the bright side, I got my hair trimmed and dyed yesterday. pictures )
ysobel: A kitten on a piano keyboard (music)
Dear universe:

You may have noticed that I tend to be, er, wary of actually ENJOYING good stuff that happens, or is about to happen, out of a weird-ass fear that they will get taken away from me. (For example, remember the whole thing where I spent the entire fucking service dog boot camp expecting that they would decide I was Not Good Enough and/or too disabled or something, and take Yahtzee away.)

You may also be aware that I have two awesome things coming up. That I am terrified of losing, because of the above.


a) please please PLEASE do not let the choir director decide to drop the Finnish piece from our concert Friday. I know it's one of the shakier pieces, I know most of the choir is having pronunciation issues with it, I know he mentioned today that it might not happen, but I actually have a solo. I NEVER get solos, ever. I want this. I really really want this.

b) regarding the thing Sunday for church, please do not let the pastor decide it was a bad idea -- either including the song in the service, or having me do it with him -- because while it's not quite as rare for me to be doing song leadership (what with being in the worship band), singing a solo/duet is, shall we say, uncommon.

Pretty please with sugar on top?

ysobel: (learning german)
1) One of the UCD chorus songs this quarter is in Finnish (woo!) and I have practice singing Finnish so I'm mostly okay with the pronunciation except for one word: rajoilla.

Now, Finnish pronunciation dictates that j is a 'y' sound, and doubled consonants are longer, so this ought to be rah - yoy - lllllah (very crude approximation).

But I keep parsing it as Spanish, and doing rah - hoy - ya.


2) Another piece is in Russian (also woo), and there is one word that I don't sing but would consistently want to parse wrong if I did.

In Cyrillic, which I can read, it's непщевати -- and I'd be fine reading it from the Cyrillic. It's the transliteration that gets me. Transliterated, it's nepshchevati. Syllabified in the music as nep - shche - va - ti.

I look at "nep" (latin alphabet) in a Russian mindset and see it as "пер" (cyrillic alphabet), which transliterates to "per".

Which is why I'm glad it's not a word I sing, because nepshchevati and pershchevati are not close.


May. 28th, 2014 03:27 pm
ysobel: A silhouette of Magneto, arm outstretched, with the purple rim of his helmet the only color (xmfc - magneto)
Saw Days of Future Past.

Spoilers )


May. 20th, 2014 03:46 pm
ysobel: A kitten curled up, one paw half over its face; text: ow (ow)
Came down with a UTI, for the first time in a few years. Still hate them. But at least I know the symptoms -- strong distinctive odor to pee, bright scoury crampy bladder pain especially right afterwards -- to get it treated pretty quickly. (The first time I ever got one, in college, I for some reason decided it was a character flaw or personal failure or something, and so didn't go in until it was super bad, possibly a full blown kidney infection, I don't remember too clearly.)

Now, one day into the antibiotics, I have very strong pain in my lower back, sort of kidney area. I don't know if this is related or not but it makes things extra fun.

I'm kind of tired of wacky health hijinks, please.

also, fic!

May. 18th, 2014 01:12 pm
ysobel: (Default)
Now that Remix authors have been revealed, I can show off what I wrote:

Trans*itions (the Lizandra Hairis remix) (1045 words) by isabeau
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Characters: Xander Harris
Additional Tags: Genderbending, Remix

Five things that changed when Xander became a girl, and one that didn't really.

ysobel: (tech support)
My mom's computer seems to have gotten nommed on by malware -- UpdateSoftNow, specifically. Among other things it is a browser hijacker, but it is generally unpleasant and also persistent.

All the removal instructions I can find are for Windows machines. She is on a Mac.

Anyone happen to know how to get rid of something like this, and/or have a phone # for appropriate Apple support that involves talking to a person?
ysobel: (Default)
am I weird for sometimes wanting to be married?

like, not necessarily "I want to marry $specific_person", just... the sort of thing I thought was Normal back when I was five and assumed everyone grew up and got married and got a house and job and kids and stuff, just as a regular part of adulting

it makes no sense and it's not like I have or want any of the rest of that sort of life


ysobel: (Default)
masquerading as a man with a reason

July 2014

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