[sticky entry] Sticky: Fic master list

Mar. 14th, 2011 01:59 pm
ysobel: (attacked by a pencil scribble)
Here is a list of fic that I have written since 2005. The list is not guaranteed to be complete, and does not include snippets that were never officially published. Some pre-2005 work is still available; see the end for details.

This list does not include spoiler warnings, content warnings, or any other kind of warnings or tags. (This is not an attempt to be insensitive; rather, I haven't found a warning/tagging method that works for me, or that I have been able to maintain with any reliability.) I give word counts where I know it, and note remixes and crossovers, but that's it.

Fics are sorted by fandom, then date.

My AO3 account (here) overlaps this list; not everything on AO3 is listed here, and not everything here is on AO3. One of these days I will get around to fixing that.

fandoms: Buffy, Firefly, Harry Potter, Heroes, Lord of the Rings, Merlin, Numb3rs, Pirates of the Caribbean, Star Trek AOS, Star Wars TPM, Stargate SG-1, Supernatural, Vagrant Story, White Collar, X-Men (First Class), and misc )

This list is up to date as of March 5, 2012
ysobel: (Default)
Day 1 of Rehearsal Hell Week (yesterday) has been survived. Day 2 (tomorrow) will be a new level of interesting, as the soloists will be there in the evening.

I still have a voice, for now, though I'm getting an intermittent dry cough. I still hate the main piece. I am totally ready for the concert to be over.

Friday is going to be a "zone out on watching things" day. I haven't decided yet whether it will be a) stuff needed for fic (the rest of CA:TFA and then CA:TWS), b) more catch up on the shows I'm behind on (two more eps of Forever, then SH which I'm way behind on, then castle or bones or whatever), or c) fun brainless rewatch (either A:TLA or Leverage).

Saturday and Sunday are going to be minor levels of hell. And my roommate's out of town Friday and Saturday nights so I get my mom staying with me yippee. (That's a sarcastic yippee. I love my mom but in limited doses, and when I'm stressed and tired I have a very low cope threshold.)

Next week will consist primarily of decompression, more of Friday's dilemma, and maybe some crocheting. I do have one thing Monday late morning, one thing Wednesday afternoon, and one thing Friday afternoon, but otherwise I am going to do Not A Damn Thing. Except watch stuff. And play with yarn.

(Extended mouse use still bothers my hand, otherwise there would be gaming in there too, I may do some anyway, just because I miss it.)

tumble down

Mar. 2nd, 2015 02:00 pm
ysobel: Pink bunny (bunny comics), drawing a bunny (art)
So I had stopped using tumblr for a while, but now I seem to be back to using it. About 75% reblogs (sometimes with commentary) but there is original stuff too.

So, if you are on tumblr and want (for whatever reason) to follow me, I am at https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ysobelflp

(and I do have it set to crosspost to twitter, which ... right now I don't use much apart from the automatic crosspost. So if you follow me on twitter (which I just typed twittr, heh) you will know when I post to tumblr, though I don't think the images carry over.)

fuck bodies

Mar. 1st, 2015 06:32 pm
ysobel: A bunny (bunny comics) in the dotted-line red-x-in-corner broken-image style (404 not found)
My apartment is filled with clutter.

I have hoarder genetics from both sides of my family; for as long as I've known myself I've been both lazy, preferring other things to cleaning, and possessive, wanting to hang on to things. But right now, all I can think about is how stupid everything is -- or how many reminders there are of things I can't do.

I have 22 bookshelves, many of them double-stacked, of books that just sit there collecting dust. Some of them, I have no interest in; particularly, books from college that were assigned reading, or books from the various book clubs that I've been in, or nonfiction book picked up at library book sales in case they ever came in handy. But mostly, the books sit unused, untouched, loved but unappreciated, because I find physical books to be hard to manage. Hardback books are heavy and unwieldy and generally don't like to stay open; paperbacks are often too small and therefore equally unwieldy; and regardless, I can't reach the shelves.

(I should hire help. Take everything off the shelves, see what all there is, sort out the things I don't want and the things I don't really need and keep only the ones that are important to me. Re-sort so that like things are together, so the books by the same author are together, so I can find things again. But no one has the time or the patience, and there is no staging area to work with.)

I have one bookshelf, double-stacked, of dvds. Half of them have never been watched. Some have never been opened. Some I didn't even want in the first place. (Long story, involving a very persistent DVD subscription service combined with depression and anxiety on my part that kept me from canceling for very long time.) Some are redundant, in that the content is now available streaming, although the redundancy proves useful if I lose Internet access without losing power. Still: I can't reach the shelf, I don't know that I can open DVD cases, and I know I can't reach the player.

(I don't even know what to do with these. Particularly the ones that realistically I know I will never get around to watching, but I still want to watch them, someday.)

I have one bookshelf crammed with yarn, and a TV tray with scattered yarn and projects. (Elsewhere in the apartment, there is: a garbage bag full of yarn in my room; at least one very large box in the hallway containing another garbage bag full of yarn; scattered bags with treasures of fiber secreted about in various places; a shoe box full of yarn, somewhere in the closet; multiple kits that never made much progress, including one for a penguin cushion cover, and one for a very pretty bag, and other things that I once wanted to make. There are half finished projects in zip lock bags and plastic bags and boxes and tins. Somewhere, there is a hiding place where my knitting needles and stitch markers have gone. But the bookshelf is always very visible in ways the other things aren't.) Except I am slow and clumsy and have nothing of the dexterity or precision that I used to have. I don't do as much with yarn as I would like to.

(I should collect everything and put it in one place and sort through it, keeping the yarn that I love and giving away the rest, despite the lure of " someday I might use it". That would also let me gather the ones that are in hank form, so that I can get them wound so that I can knit from them, because that is another element of the problem: I can no longer wind balls myself, so much of the good yarn is currently unusable for me.)

All that is just what I can see from here.

Somewhere in my apartment, there is a box full of cross stitch supplies, fabric and frames and thread and partially finished projects. I can't do cross stitch any more. I don't have the mobility or the dexterity. I miss it like burning and can't bear to let it go, but the knowledge that I can't do it and never will -- that the really ornate project will forever remain only 5/6 done, but the other kits I have from that designer will never be started -- I am reminded of that every time I see the box.

Somewhere in my apartment, there are art supplies, crayons and colored pencils and coloring books and drawing books and collections of mandalas and sketch pads, all of which I couldn't use even if I could find them.

Somewhere, there are blank (empty or half-filled) writing journals dreaming of words that will never touch them.

Somewhere, there is a small stash of fabric, from failed hand-sewing attempts. I can't sew. I can't even sew with a yarn needle and yarn.

Somewhere, there are origami supplies, battered books and half-used collections of paper.

I should get rid of most if not all of these things; find new homes for the parts others can use, throw away or recycle the rest.

I can't.

All I can do is hurt.
ysobel: (Default)
Something I realized recently is that the ten years between 2001 and 2011 are very very blurry for me. I know I existed, but I can't remember it, and I can't remember dates. Somewhere in there I went to grad school -- but I don't emmer when. Somewhere in there my parents got divorced -- but I don't remember when. Somewhere in there I lost the ability to go to the bathroom by myself; somewhere in there I lost the ability to get in and out of bed by myself, and I remember fairly vividly the night the latter changed (had to call my mom after an hour of being unable to swing my legs up onto the bed; somewhere in there I lost more and more pieces of my mobility, and I don't remember when.

Some of all that I could reconstruct by going back through LJ entries for the years in question. But I can't remember, can't ever remember, and when I find out dates for stuff it slips through my mind like water and disappears.

(Post 2011 isn't super great, except that a) 2011 is the year I got Yahtzee, and by extension the year I got a Suri, and b) nothing much since then has changed, except for cat. But there's really not much else *to* remember.)

When I was a kid, I used to have a really good memory. I don't know why that's changed so much.
ysobel: Pink bunny (bunny comics) with a ! over its head (!!)
Perfectionism is at its core about trying to earn approval and acceptance. Most perfectionists were raised being praised for achievement and performance. Grades, manners, rule following, people pleasing, appearance, sports. Somewhere along the way we adopt this dangerous and debilitating belief system: I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it. Please, perform, perfect. ... Perfectionism hampers success. In fact it's often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis. Life paralysis refers to all of the opportunities we miss because were too afraid to put anything out in the world that could he imperfect. It's also all of the dreams that we don't follow because of our deep fear of failing, making mistakes, and disappointing others. --Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

(No this doesn't describe me at all what are you talking about)

augh what

Feb. 13th, 2015 03:12 pm
ysobel: A man wielding a kitchen knife and making an adorable yelling face (rage)
So I had a Dilemma: Do I rewatch CA:TWS so I can get started on the ~soulbonding~ crossover fic (since it starts in the middle of TWS and takes off from there), or do I rewatch CA:TFA first for the Steve/Bucky background and also for Peggy being awesome?

#yuletide, of whom I asked this very important question, pointed out that watching them chronologically is good (and also TFA has some yummy shirtlessness). So I went to Netflix, which has TFA, and --

--and it's not there.

DAMMIT NETFLIX STOP TAKING AWAY THINGS I WANT TO WATCH.

Amazon has it available to rent for $3 (but their renting system is horrid; you have to watch it within 24h, and currently my movie watching strategy tends to be about half an hour at a time and then I get distracted and then I come back to it later or the next day or whatever and watch a bit more until I get distracted again) or $15 to buy (except that's SD and buying HD is the same fucking price as buying the DVD, which doesn't depend on amazon being willing to stream it for me), and augh.

(and my dad wonders why I have so many "home videos" on my computer)
ysobel: Charles and Erik, sitting shoulder to shoulder and looking at each other, with a heart between them (xmfc - heart)
So I posted a random thing to my tumblr about how I had a ridiculous urge to write Charles and Erik teaming up to take the Winter Soldier down. I mean, I know that the MCU and XMen will never cross in canon because reasons, and the film versions of both are what I'm familiar with, but if made a pretty image -- Erik against the metal arm and weapons (except that TWS is pretty fucking lethal even with those taken out of the picture, except for an absurd image of Erik doing a “stop hitting yourself” routine using his arm against him), Charles against his brain (digging under the layers of brainwashing like so much white paint (or, no, blood-red paint) to find the true colors of the man underneath, to bring up Bucky instead of Hydra’s programming) — and both of them surprised to discover that he’s not actually a mutant.

And then it sort of ... Grew. Like one of those vines that digs its roots into sheer rock and is impossible to eradicate.

I now have the sketch outline of the first couple scenes (starting with the CA:TWS bit where Steve totally bluescreens on realizing that Bucky is the Winter Soldier and gets rescued by Sam and Natasha while his brain is rebooting, segueing into Natasha figuring out that Bucky has been brainwashed to hell and back and so she calls in Charles, whom she knows somehow, and Charles gets Erik involved because metal arm, and Steve is all "wait, you're Magneto, you're not one of the good guys," and Erik gives this cynical toothy smile and asks rhetorically "who is, these days")

and of course it's present day so it's older Charles and Erik, not McFassy versions

and then I started sketch-outlining the next scene, where Erik and Charles are alone and Erik asks him why he's doing this when none of them are their people -- no one involved is a mutant, after all

and my brain went ~ZOMG SOULBONDS~ in like 72-pt sparklefont

/facepalm/

Save me?

or encourage me, one or the other
ysobel: (om nom nom)
...now with pictures!

Box 2: Assorted lettuce, Bosc pears, Brussels sprouts, Flat leaf parsley, Nantes carrots, Rainbow chard, Red potatoes, Red radishes, Romanesco cauliflower, Ruby grapefruit, Watermelon radish

pics )

ITW

Feb. 8th, 2015 09:23 pm
ysobel: (Default)
Re-rewatched the 1991 Into the Woods today. It remains awesome. It has also, however, given me ~all the feels~. I wish to complain to management.

(Also realized that the guy who is Cinderella's Prince in that production is also one of the leads in the recording of Secret Garden. I wish there were an equivalent video version of SG because I would love to actually *see* it. Sadface.)
ysobel: Daniel, unconscious and hooked up to VR (fic ate my brain)
So [personal profile] minim_calibre linked to this:

Three Sentence Ficathon

And I, uh. Tripped and wrote 400 words of fic so far?

MCU, asexual Clint/Natasha
MCU, Steve
Firefly, Mal/River
Narnia, Susan
SPN, Sam/Gabriel
Librarians, Cassandra/Ezekiel
LotR, Boromir/Faramir

(the prompts also have, well, prompts, as well as fandom and character)
ysobel: (Default)
So a discussion on the internet (never a good start) about 50 Shades of Grey (run away) and whether or not there is rape content (spoiler: I was on the "oh hayull yes there is" side) has resurrected the "rewrite 50sog as a story about an asexual discovering her kinky side" bunny I had a few years back.

Except now my brain wants to write it as a lesbian relationship.

Yay?

#

In trying to dig up any 50soa journal entries, I found babblings about a year where the novel progressed from "unicorns that are totally not Companions" to "unicorns vs zombies" to "unicorns vs zombies and also unicorns vs evil murlocs" to "also a dragon" to "unicorns vs zombies plus unicorns vs evil murlocs plus zombies vs evil murlocs plus evil murlocs using plants as defense (hence plants vs zombies) plus unicorns vs dragons plus unicorns and dragons vs zombies omgwtfflail"

So I dug up the scrivener file for that year, and discovered a bunch of stuff that's decent, and a bunch of stuff that's salvagable, and a bunch of insecure flailings, and some major non sequiturs:

There need to be more mermaids in this book.

How do you get to mermaids?

Follow the hippos


And for the dragons I stole names from WoW because I could, and so then there's this:

"I haven't come this far to give up," Marek said fiercely. "Is there nothing we can do to change your mind?"

(you can go on a quest to kill six snow meese! ...and then repeat it daily, along with feeding sea lions that are too stupid to find the opposite sex, and gathering supplies that are two feet away from me, until we like you enough! ...wait, that's Kalu'ak, not one of the dragonflights. never mind all that.)


Also the characters abuse sarcasm:

"...bother," Marek said. "I suppose we could go take a vacation and party or something."

"That was sarcasm, wasn't it," Aniela said.

"Oh you know it was."


#

Now I just need to find the scrivener file from the year I started a YA story that is Totally Not X-Men (With A Disabled Protagonist).
ysobel: A cat, draped out and asleep; text: zzzz... (sleep)
A) went ahead and volunteered for Jim Hines' call for guest posts, giving him the choice of topics. Now figuratively hyperventilating. Go go gadget impostor sundrome

B) I am actually starting to like bits of the choral music we are working on. I think this is the musical version of Stockholm syndrome or something. (Seriously, most of the major piece of our program is just ... *noise*. I hatesssss it, precioussss)

C) want my writing muse back. I miss writing.

D) also miss having energy omg. I have not recovered from the surgery, I swear. (My mouth/jaw is fine, it's just the anaesthesia effects that are lingering.)

E) dear brain, we are bro in danger of getting eaten by tigers, please let me of to sleep kthx

F) there is no number six

G) sekrit note to [personal profile] james: the eagle has landed. Er, I mean, package received, and omg bag *cuddles it forever*
ysobel: (Default)
...the current Humble Bundle is a bunch of Star Wars games, including KOTOR.

Not that anyone on my flist likes either computer games or Star Wars...
ysobel: A man wielding a kitchen knife and making an adorable yelling face (rage)
So okay, our church got to meet our new pastor today, and ... no, let me back up.

The church I go to has for a long time (well, as long as I've been there) had a female head pastor, first as a co-pastor and then as the only pastor (but head of staff still) and then as head pastor over an associate pastor, always as the highest "rank" even though her leadership style was more inclusive. Call her M. You are welcome to imagine Judi Dench in this role if you like.

The associate pastor B (who has been around for something like ten years now, and there was actually a second associate pastor that then we didn't have enough money for three pastors and there were lots of hurt feelings) is a younger white male. I should add that our congregation is overwhelmingly white; there are a handful of people of various sorts of Asian descent, a couple of Indian (Asian subcontinent type) people, some of Afro-Caribbean descent, but we are 5/6ths white, out of proportion to the racial distribution of our community.

Anyway. A couple years ago, M retired. We are a Presbyterian church, and so there are Rules about this sort of transition process, lots of stuff involving committees and voting and whatnot. B couldn't just "move up" to head pastor even if he wanted to, which he didn't, so we got an interim pastor for a while, while a Pastor Nominating Committee (PNC) did the process of finding and interviewing candidates and suchlike. Our interim pastor was a white male, which bugged me a bit, but it was temporary, and he turned out to be awesome.

The PNC looked in depth at about 125 candidates, narrowed that down to 8 that did (several hour long) Skype interviews, narrowed that down to 2 that got in person interviews, narrowed that down to 1 that they presented to the congregation. Over the last few weeks we have been getting some information about what sort of pastor the candidate was, without any identifying information including gender. Today, we got to meet said candidate, who aso preached, and then after church there was the official congregational meeting voting etc blah.

The candidate, C, is a white male.

Which, ok, is not unexpected. It's also not a deal-breaker in the same way that, say, attitude towards LGBT equality/leadership would be for me. But it's a little crankymaking, because it makes both pastors white males.

During the part of the congregational meeting where the PNC spokespeople were talking about the selection process and had opened the floor to questions, someone (a male PoC) pointed out the white-male-ness and asked how much consideration the PNC had given to gender or racial diversity.

The answer made me wish for a bingo card.

It was basically "The candidates were just pieces of paper at first; we were looking mainly at qualifications and theological fit". Which is a strategy that only works with a level playing field. It's like the "Oh the casting was colorblind, we were looking for the best person for the role" argument for why white people get cast (especially in whitewashing situations). The majority of candidates are going to be white males. That means you can't rely on equality within the playing field to get equality within the selections. You have to actively seek out the underrepresented to give them anything close to a fair chance. And there was no acknowledgment of that.

If I thought it would do any good, I would submit a (probably anonymous because I'm a coward) complaint to the PNC. But the candidate is now our pastor elect (and he seems awesome and seems like a good match; I am not as cranky at his selection as at the process they used), and the PNC will be dissolved after he is officially our new pastor (the presbytery still has to vote, but that's sort of a formality more than anything) and the people in the PNC most likely won't ever be on a PNC again.

So all I can do is grumble here.

Dream

Jan. 30th, 2015 10:56 am
ysobel: A kitten staring at its reflection; text: through the looking glass (through the looking glass)
Family was ... not driving, more like being chauffeured, in something like a small tour bus that was just us? ... to a mountain area called Shenandoah. The closer we got, the more vivid the colors became; the ocean (?) was super blue, the trees and grasses were super green, the flowers were every color of the rainbow.

We got as far as the driveable road went, a gravel parking lot on the edge of a field full of wildflowers, and as we got out a yellow bird with ornate plumage flew in and gave us each a kiss of welcome; I had a camera up to my face because I was trying to photograph everything, so the first kiss landed on the lens, but when I lowered the camera I got another on my forehead.

We walked the rest of the way to our (remote) cabin, and there was a stretch where -- through some escheresque arrangement -- we were high enough on the peak that we were in definite snow zone, but the ocean was high enough that it could wash up overlapping the path; not big splashy waves, but the sort of crawling shallow in-and-out that you get on beaches at the very edge of the waterline. And the residue of water that got left behind with each retreat froze to ice, even though the moving water never did.

The whole setting was just ... very peaceful; everything was beautiful, and despite the whole snow and ice thing it wasn't cold at all. And I didn't hurt at all, or feel tired, and just felt like I could go on walking forever.

Om nom

Jan. 27th, 2015 01:58 pm
ysobel: (Default)
So I sort of ... tripped and accidentally signed up for a local CSA?

(because I hate fruits and vegetables, and so does my roommate)

(that would be sarcasm)

First box arrived today. One bunch of Nantes carrots, one bunch of rainbow carrots, one bunch of kale, two bunches of cilantro, one bunch beets, one bunch celery, a couple red potatoes, four kiwis, three fuji apples, two blood oranges, and a partridge in a pear tree

It is very happymaking and so very pretty and vibrant.

(And you can not only set certain products on an exclusion list, but can customize what's in your box in the few days before it goes out. So if you just bought a bunch of celery and don't want more, but it's included in the 'default' box, you can swap in something else instead.)
ysobel: (Default)
* An "I am never ever ever going to watch this so stop suggesting it" option for individual titles

* A "the fact that I didn't finish watching this means I didn't actually like it so it's kind of useless to suggest recommendations based on it" option

* A "These items on your list will be going away soon, you might want to watch them" list

* magic technology that lets me say "I know this is only available as DVD but I am disabled and can't use DVDs easily so let me stream it kthx"
ysobel: Pink bunny (bunny comics), saying a smiley face (smile)
1) had shower tonight. They are a pain in the ass but feel so good omg.

2) am all cozy in bed now, yay

3) have set up a tentative system for letting me access water while in bed (it's a setup similar to camelbak, meant for hiking but seems to work for my situation; I will post more about the setup once I've given it a few days to work out the kinks)

4) a hat I bought -- basically this rainbow ombré beanie but with the colors reversed so the purple is at the brim, because purple -- arrived today and it is awesome and makes me ridiculously happy

(the fact that both my mom and one of my aides had a general reaction of "wtf why did you buy something you could make yourself" -- which is kind of a hilarious inversion of the "why knit socks when you can buy them for a dollar at Walmart", but never mind that -- makes me a wee bit cranky. Yes, I could have made it; once I saw the picture I knew pretty much exactly how it was made. But I would have had to buy yarn because I don't have all the necessary colors, plus my rate of finishing stuff is beyond abysmal, and I wanted happy rainbow hat now dangit.)

5) I have cute pets and a cute niecelet who has figured out how to smile and she is the adorablest baby ever, or at least my adorablest niecelet

6) I do not at the moment hurt as much as I sometimes do

Today has ended up being a pretty good day.
ysobel: (Default)
When you see this feel like it, share 3 random lines from 3 WIPs.

I don't have very many active WIPs, so here, have three from Yuletide/NYR treats that I started and haven't finished.

1. Having a normal life was never an option.

(this is tagged as Maleficent but I think it's actually Sleeping Beauty, Mal-centric)

2. "There," Buttercup says with satisfaction, her smile sharp as a shark's. "We're married, just in time for my beloved to kill you."

(Princess Bride, genderbent AU that also gives Buttercup a shitton more agency)

3. Apropos of nothing aside from perhaps staring at his partner's ass, Jay asks, "Does this job turn you gay? Like, some side effect of the alien doohickeys we always run into?"

(MiB sort-of-consentual noncon porn)

ETA 3b. Kay gives something that for him is a broad smile -- which is to say there's the briefest tug at the corners of his mouth and a wicked glint in his eyes.

(same fic, different part)

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ysobel: (Default)
masquerading as a man with a reason

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