[sticky entry] Sticky: Fic master list

Mar. 14th, 2011 01:59 pm
ysobel: (attacked by a pencil scribble)
Here is a list of fic that I have written since 2005. The list is not guaranteed to be complete, and does not include snippets that were never officially published. Some pre-2005 work is still available; see the end for details.

This list does not include spoiler warnings, content warnings, or any other kind of warnings or tags. (This is not an attempt to be insensitive; rather, I haven't found a warning/tagging method that works for me, or that I have been able to maintain with any reliability.) I give word counts where I know it, and note remixes and crossovers, but that's it.

Fics are sorted by fandom, then by date (old to new).

My AO3 account (here) overlaps this list; not everything on AO3 is listed here, and not everything here is on AO3. One of these days I will get around to fixing that. Maybe.

fandoms: Buffy, Firefly, Harry Potter, Heroes, Lord of the Rings, Merlin, Numb3rs, Pirates of the Caribbean, Star Trek AOS, Star Wars TPM, Stargate SG-1, Supernatural, Vagrant Story, White Collar, X-Men (First Class), and misc )

This list is up to date as of May 3, 2015

cpap fun

Sep. 1st, 2015 03:48 pm
ysobel: (Default)
Tonight starts a week of CPAP testing, to find out if and how much a CPAP helps my sleep issues. Not sure which direction to cross my fingers -- I'd love better quality sleep, but the last thing I need is yet ANOTHER machine to use and maintain...
ysobel: (Default)
urgh

bowels decided to threaten to explode (assplode?) in agony ... *after* morning aide left

(and I don't just mean urgency, we're talking sobbing-and-hyperventilating agony on top of urgency, like there's a bowling ball in there)

of the aides that live close, one "almost cut my finger off last night, i can come do it one-handed, or if (other aide) can do it i should probably go get stitches if it's not too late"

(...)

other aide is at IHSS orientation so she can get paid

stepmom is driving me to an appointment today, so I asked if she could come early

"earliest I could do is noon but 12:15 would be better"

that's when we need to leave

"oh right"

...sob

and some people think "woe I can't walk" is the worst part of being disabled and in a wheelchair ...
ysobel: A kitten curled up, one paw half over its face; text: ow (ow)
Hey, cat folk, I need some advice:

What do yu do if a kitten is playing too rough (bites and scratches, all shallow but painful) and *you can't move your hands*?

Loki (he of the major vet bills a while back) has started using my hands as prey during the night. It was tolerable when he was gentle (I tried not to encourage it, but I did let it happen, and that may have been a mistake but I'd probably be in the same position), but now it really hurts, and is leaving visible marks.

I've tried a deep authoritative "no!" but it does nothing. I've tried high-pitched yelps of pain but it does nothing. I've tried burying my hands under the sheet (or rather getting the sheet up over my hands), but he digs them out and attacks anew. I don't have the mobility to physically remove him, to physically remove *myself*, or any of the other usual suggestions for when playtime gets too rough.

I *haven't* tried whacking him lightly with the small backscratcher I use for face itches at night, just because I suspect escalating the violence won't help. But I've completely run out of ideas.

What can I do?

(And yes, I know to keep an eye on the bite areas and see a doctor stat if it starts looking weird, but I'd rather avoid getting attacked in the first place.)

Signed,
She who had a sleep-in morning interrupted by 6am kitten attacks grrr (which is ridiculous because I'm never up this early during the week so it's not like I've broken routine yet)
ysobel: (Default)
Help me DW/LJ, you're my only ... Well, one of my only hopes.

I am trying to find a good headset microphone to use with my computer (shit going on with hands means voice dictation, but that sort of software doesn't do as well with desktop mics). Necessary criteria:

* wireless (probably Bluetooth I'm guessing).

* good sound quality, because voice dictation.

* long-lasting. Ideal would be 12 hours between charges, but bare minimum is 4ish. I can't put on or take off headsets by myself, and there are gaps where I don't have anyone here to assist me.

* preferably comfortable to wear

Any suggestions? Do any of you use headset mics (wired or not) for voice dictation, and if so what do you use?
ysobel: Artwork of a curled-up stick figure trying to stave off crushing darkness (depression)
...am currently okay in that I am none of the following: dead, undead, hospitalized, injured, comatose, lycanthropic, abducted by aliens, abducted my pirates, abducted by alien pirates, hallucinating, hallucinogenic, poisonous, venomous, psychic, psychotic, telepathic, telekinetic, pyrokinetic, folded, spindled, or mutilated.

however I am not okay in that the brainweasels are out in force, and as many of you know, they are very hard to fight, especially when swarming. And they're swarming hard.

(Therapist says I'm not just anxious but downright scared. She's ... not wrong. The hand thing is a trigger, because my hands are one of the few mobile bits I have left (and I remember something from when I was maybe 14 or so where I learned that worst case scenario with FOP was that you were stuck as a human statue able only to wiggle your fingers, and somehow what I held on to from that was that whatever happened I would always have Paris my hands, which turns out to be about as useful as saying that whatever happened I would always have my brain) and because crochet, which requires some amount of dexterity, is one of the few hobbies I have left (aside from Netflix marathons, which ... is not much of a hobby) and I'm scared not only of what will happen with my hands but what the rheumatologist might say. And I'm scared of being trapped in my body with nothing to do, and I'm scared of being more of a burden than I already am.)

(Therapist says she's never seen me like this. She's not wrong there either. I'm usually better at appearing ... I don't know, logical? detached? practical? ... about the whole being-a-burden thing or whatever, and this is just a window into pure fear.)

We have a meeting scheduled tomorrow, me and her and my dad, to talk about ... stuff, including maybe getting me a wireless/Bluetooth/something headset for computer dictation, but as much to let him know what's going on as to come up with solutions for stuff. Beyond that, I don't know what the plan is.

So if I'm not around much or whatever ... Well, see the first two paragraphs.
ysobel: Pink bunny (bunny comics), head cut open, completely hollow (no brain today)
Brain: Let's watch netflix!!!11
Eyes: (can't stay focused)
Brain, sulkily: Okay fine, I GURSS we can try to sleep
Me: (puts one of the sleep playlists on)
Brain: (dozes for three tracks) ... Hi? ... (dozes for a track or two) ... Hmm ...
Mouth: (is thirsty)
Me: (drinks water)
Brain, perkily: I'm awake again, let's watch netflix!

Oy.

If it weren't such a pain in the ass to get in and out of bed, I'd go outside and see if I could see any meteors. But it is, and anyway there's a lot of light pollution around here, and this is one time when I wish I lived way off in the middle of nowhere (but with a good net connection).

I also suspect that if I didn't have to rely on aides, my sleep schedule would be ... different.
ysobel: (Default)
At some point...

(One of the most frustrating questions I get from doctors is "when did X start"; with rare exceptions, by the time I notice something, much less see a doctor about it, it's been going on for some indeterminate amount of time. This is especially true for pain issues. I have "white noise" pain that masks other pain; I have transient pain attributable to either FOP or womanly issues, neither of which is worth noting the start of; and many pain issues start off barely noticeable and/or masked by other issues and/or pretending to be transient, such that by the time I tell a doctor about it it's almost always been at least months, but I have no idea how long)

...ahem. At some point, I realized that my hands were hurting. Not in an FOP way, more ... I don't really know. Joint pain. Probable cause as per my uneducated guessing, some sort of arthritis (undiagnosed but with family history of early onset osteoarthritis); less probable but also possible, hypermobility issues (undiagnosed and pretty much undiagnosable given that the general test for hypermobility involves moving joints).

It's worse in the right hand than the left, but present both sides. Using the mouse makes it worse, especially if I clench up (which tends to happen). I can't really mouse right-handed any more, and I have to take frequent pause-relax-stretch breaks if I use my left. (The lack of mousing on right hand was disguised by FOP pain issues farther up the arm, which had meant limited right-handed mousing for probably over a year at this point, whenever I stopped gaming.)

Read more... )

*growl*

Aug. 4th, 2015 11:15 am
ysobel: A man wielding a kitchen knife and making an adorable yelling face (rage)
last night on my ipad I wrote up an entry to be emailed with pictures. saved as draft so I could then add pics from computer before sending.

somehow, gmail managed to send a partial entry and completely lose the proper draft.

I am vexed.
ysobel: Artwork of a curled-up stick figure trying to stave off crushing darkness (depression)
Fwiw I'm doing better since my last post. It's just ... well.

When I started having major FOP symptoms (I was 10 or so and about to enter junior high) it was a bit frustrating and scary -- okay, probably a lot, not a bit -- but I was okay because I still had my brain.

When I started having depression issues (sophomore year of college) and could no longer trust my brain, it was frustrating and scary but I was okay because I could still take care of myself and live independently-ish.

When I got to the point where I needed help with physical tasks like bathroom use and getting in and out of bed, and where I was unemployed and unemployable, it was okay because I could still write.

When I stopped being able to write easily (ideas flow better when I'm writing by hand, which I can't any more, and I also put too much pressure on myself because it was the last "legitimate" way I had of being productive), it was okay because I could still play MMOs. Maybe not legitimate in wider society, but it was social contact as well as entertainment, it was productivity in a virtual sense, it was sort of a way in which I wasn't disabled. (Of course my play style was inhibited by physical restrictions, but I was an adequate player regardless, and not disabled in the game.)

...and then that went away too. And I haven't found an "it's okay because _______" to replace it.

I mean, there are things that make my life okay. I have Yahtzee and Monkey and the most expensive kitten in the world; I have a niece I can watch grow up; I have friends, online (including/especially y'all) and off; I can read, especially ebooke; I have netflix; I have yarn, even if my crafting is slow and awkward, even if I just pet the yarn and do nothing with it. All these things help.

It's just not enough, not yet.
ysobel: A bunny (bunny comics) in the dotted-line red-x-in-corner broken-image style (404 not found)
finger/hand problems not going away

⇒ hurts to use mouse for longer than 30 secs at time (either hand)

⇒ can't play games that require mouse, unless there is no requirement for real-time response (so e.g. these are okay b/c untimed, also offer mouseless play; bejeweled blitz is bad b/c timed)

⇒ MMOs (wow, swtor, gw2)impossible

⇒ i just canceled wow sub (which i'd kept going because i'd go back Any Day Now). other two are on ftp status. none of the clients are up to date.

i want to cry.

i feel like i am disappearing piece by piece

soon there will be nothing left
ysobel: (Default)
So a Supportive Church Friend came over today for a few hours to help me sort through boxes-n-bags-n-shit that have been sitting for a long time in what I call the hall closet. (It's not really a closet, no doors or anything, but too big to be called an alcove; it used to contain a side-by-side washer and dryer, which gives some idea of the width and depth. The originally-furnished w/d got taken out by the apartment management some years back and at the time I opted not to replace, but the hookups are still there. Current plan is to get, or at least rent, a stackable w/d and put open-backed shelving in the other half to store large tubs of whatever needs storing, but I needed to get the area uncluttered before any of that could happen.)

We went from Closet Stuffed Full Of Who Knows What to: a tall garbage bag worth of stuff to throw away; some stuff to be donated, which SCF took over to SPCA's thrift store; two tall boxes of yarn and knitting paraphernalia, some of which had me going "oh is that where that went"; a zippered bag (the sort that comforters or sheet sets come in) of cross-stitch supplies; a box of beading supplies, although I'm pretty sure I have more of that *somewhere*; and an unsorted box of books.

Yay progress!

Next step is to sort through books to open up bookshelf space. Step after that, sort yarny stuff into a) tools and gadgets, b) wips I might ever finish, c) yarn I love, d) yarn I don't love, and e) yarn I can't decide about. c will be kept, d donated (possibly in part to SCF who has very recently started knitting and is adorably enthused about things like fun fur and lb homespun), and e dithered about but probably donated.

I also need to figure out what I'm doing with the beading stuff -- logic says rehome it, emotions say keep it, and there's some good quality stuff in there that I feel I ought to sell or something...
ysobel: (Default)
I mentioned once before that pods of close-to-shore orcas are a recurring dream symbol for me. I'm not entirely sure what it means.

After last night, I realized that another element of the orca dreams is me thinking, wow I've had dreams about this but now it's actually happening for real.
ysobel: (Default)
Loki is home. Thin and wobbly, but active and alert and as ridiculously adorable as always.

This doesn't mean I get to stop worrying about him, of course, but he's home.

Now there's just the vet bill to stare at...
ysobel: (Default)
I feel hollow and numb today; I guess there are only so many days of flaily stressy crying-all-the-time high-emotional-aeousal stress that one can keep up before crashing.

Tried to go see Loki, but the infectious disease people didn't want him going out of the isolation unit (because his upper respiratory infection is airborne transmission and so he could infect other cats) and normal people aren't allowed to go in. They did allow us to see the live cam feed, so I can confirm he is still cute, but somehow a grainy black-and-white image of a sleeping kitten is not the same as getting to snuggle him. We might get him back late tomorrow but no promises.

Thank you, btw, to those who have contributed to or signal-boosted the GoFundMe. I really appreciate it &hearta;
ysobel: (Default)
My roommate has set up a GoFundMe for Loki's vet expenses: http://www.gofundme.com/z4vjqbc4

Please don't feel obligated to contribute, but we would greatly appreciate any support ♥



(Signal boosting as appropriate would also be appreciated.)
ysobel: (Default)
Loki (new kitten) is sick.

details/timeline )

teal dear: kitten is sick and in hospital, I am an utter mess, and everything sucks.

ETA Update: He is better hydrated but hasn’t really perked up, and kidney stuff is elevated, so they want to keep him overnight. They will only call again tonight if something goes wrong, so hopefully I won’t hear until tomorrow. Payment estimate is up to $3k.

-

(and apparently the 100% mink yarn I got at Stitches West might not actually have any mink whatsoever -- it's unclear whether that applies to all the yarn ever sold under that line or whether some is mink and some isn't -- and I'm not going to return it because I would have to mail it back, and anyway you don't get a *refund*, you get a credit for one of their other yarns. And sometimes I tell myself that the yarn is still worth having, it’s still soft and sleek and pettable, and I don’t have allergy issues to worry about, and it’s a nice gradient of greys that will make a nice cowl-or-whatever, and then I wonder why I'm talking myself out of being angr, except that this is not a good time to have yarn stress)

(wtf, universe)

Remix!

Jul. 5th, 2015 05:15 pm
ysobel: (attacked by a pencil scribble)
Authors are live, so I can talk about what I wrote yaaaay. Or at least link to it, because lazy.

Speaking of linking, I don't think I linked to the Madness gift I got:

I am Groot (the Lost Amongst the Idiots remix) (502 words) by misura
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Groot (Marvel), Rocket Raccoon, Peter Quill, Drax the Destroyer
Summary: "So how'd the two of you meet, anyway?" Quill-the-Idiot asked.

Anyway. On to my fics!

No one even tried to guess what I wrote. Alas.

So I ended up writing three (!) fics -- my assignment and two pinch hits. All in different fandoms. And different levels of porniness, which amuses me greatly.

Taking Orders (the mirrorverse remix) (1548 words) by isabeau
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Leonard McCoy
Additional Tags: mirrorverse, Remix, Remix Redux
Summary: Everyone knows that Bones is Kirk's boy. Everyone's wrong: Bones doesn't belong to Jim. Jim belongs to Bones.

^ porn. Porn is awesome. I was torn between this one and a different remix, but went with porn, because, uh, I could.

Drowning (the knowledge is not wisdom remix) (1272 words) by isabeau
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: X-Men: First Class (2011)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier
Additional Tags: Remix, Remix Redux
Summary: Erik has a tendency to drown, and Charles has a tendency to want to save him.

^ cherik all the way, yo. I intended to remix a different fic but got snagged by the metaphor.

A Whole New World (the jealousy remix) (1223 words) by isabeau
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Chronicles of Narnia - C. S. Lewis
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Characters: Edmund Pevensie, Jadis
Additional Tags: girl!edmund, Genderswap
Summary: Edith's just the middle child. Which means being ignored for the most part, or being in trouble, or sometimes both at the same time. So when she's offered a chance to shine, she takes it.

^ Edmund's side of LWW has always fascinated me. Doing a genderswapped version was even more fascinating. (I am a strange creature, I know.)
ysobel: (Default)
Someone wrote me an awesome time travel fic (no such thing as too many of those!)

Future On Fire (2861 words) by Anonymous
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: X-Men: First Class (2011), X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Sean Cassidy, Kitty Pryde, Charles Xavier, Erik Lehnsherr
Summary: Stopping Raven from killing Trask wasn't enough. The future still burned. But there is one last chance to avert humanity's doom.

...it made me happy :D

Obviously I can't share what I wrote, yet, but please feel free to guess in comments! I feel my stories tend to be obviously me-ish, so I'm curious if anyone can guess...

Kitteh!

Jun. 27th, 2015 08:08 pm
ysobel: (Default)
So my roommate sent me a photo of a kitten that was looking for a home. Now, mind you, I have a cat and a dog, so I don't really need another pet, and i tend to prefer acquiring adult pets rather than babies. But I saw this photo:



...and had an immediate visceral "omg I need that cat" reaction. Which apparently my roommate did too, and there was much whimpering, before we came to the conclusion that while *I* do not need another cat, my *roommate* clearly needs a kitten.

She went today (when the bunch of kittens, of which this was one, was available), and apparently when she cuddled him he kind of stretched out and went all limp and purry, and everyone there was like "yup, you belong to that cat now."

Soooooo, there is now kitten.

Kitten is named Loki. Which bodes so well, heh.

obligatory pictures )

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ysobel: (Default)
masquerading as a man with a reason

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