[sticky entry] Sticky: Fic master list

Mar. 14th, 2011 01:59 pm
ysobel: (attacked by a pencil scribble)
Here is a list of fic that I have written since 2005. The list is not guaranteed to be complete, and does not include snippets that were never officially published. Some pre-2005 work is still available; see the end for details.

This list does not include spoiler warnings, content warnings, or any other kind of warnings or tags. (This is not an attempt to be insensitive; rather, I haven't found a warning/tagging method that works for me, or that I have been able to maintain with any reliability.) I give word counts where I know it, and note remixes and crossovers, but that's it.

Fics are sorted by fandom, then date.

My AO3 account (here) overlaps this list; not everything on AO3 is listed here, and not everything here is on AO3. One of these days I will get around to fixing that.

fandoms: Buffy, Firefly, Harry Potter, Heroes, Lord of the Rings, Merlin, Numb3rs, Pirates of the Caribbean, Star Trek AOS, Star Wars TPM, Stargate SG-1, Supernatural, Vagrant Story, White Collar, X-Men (First Class), and misc )

This list is up to date as of March 5, 2012
ysobel: (yarn)
...so it occurs to me that instead of NaNoWriMo, I could do ... er ... NaBlaKniMo? Except not national, because no one else was doing it, but. Knit a baby blanket during the month of November. It has the same challenge aspect, more chance of success, and I have an ideal recipient it could go to.

Of course, if I did that, I'd have to decide which one to make, lol. I've narrowed it down to three: dinosaur or teddy bear or penguin.

Miscellany

Oct. 17th, 2014 10:10 pm
ysobel: (Default)
- duo: accidentally missed a day yesterday. Streak freeze means I didn't lose streak, otherwise I would cry.

- new psychdoc is starting me on the med merrygoround to try to help re-ground my brain. Bumping up doses of one, weaning me off a second and replacing with a third. Now comes the fun part of waiting.

- he also wants me to meditate daily. I have (re)discovered that my brain is occasionally like a five year old the day after Halloween. Goal: twenty minutes of meditation. Reality: "are we there yet" starting after the unbearable eternity of ... forty seconds, maybe?

- yarncraft -- or more precisely, my limitations when it comes to yarncraft -- is/are pissing me off right now. Things are hard to do when you can't get your hands closer together than a foot or so apart. Things are also hard to do when your hands are stuck below navel level so can't bring anything to right in front of your face to work on.

- one of the people in the fop community passed away a few days ago, and I didn't know him really (I recognized the name because Facebook stuff, but I never really interacted at all) but it sounds like he had about as much mobility as I do (except for being totally bed bound for like the last 15 or something years) and on the one hand it makes me feel less alone (a lot of the people more visible in the fop community are more functional and less restricted) but is also depressing me because everyone who knew him keeps talking about how happy and upbeat and stuff he always was, and I'm torn between feeling like a failure for not being Pollyanna, and wanting to punch the general expectation of Happy Disabled Inspiration in the face

- um did I mention that my mental state has "improved" from complete and utter panic despair copelessness to a tendency towards HULK SMASH rage? (Cue link to the hyperbole and a half entry where she explains how that works, or at least explains that it happens.). Which is interesting. To deal with, I mean. Because I have all these coping strategies for rage -- oh wait, no I don't, not at all. Anger, how does it work.

- am debating signing up for nano this year, not so much as "write a novel" (destined to fail spectacularly given that I can't even seem to manage drabbles) as "get in the fucking habit of putting words on metaphorical paper". If I do, want to come up with suitable rewards for: a) trying at all; b) hitting 1000 words; c) hitting 5000; d) hitting each 5k increment; e) writing a majority of the days, even if it's just one sentence; f) writing at least 6 days In a particular week; g) other things I'm not thinking of.
ysobel: (Default)
A summary of my life over the last few months: Stuff sucked, more than usual )

I've spoken about the above things, although I can't remember how much was posted here, how much to Facebook, how much in other places online, etc. The next bit, though, is new.

State of the ysa now )
ysobel: (Default)
I have passed 400 days in Duolingo. (Which I keep typing wrong. Oops.)
ysobel: Blocks in the Minecraft world spellng out MINECRAFT (minecraft)
...I feel like a dolt.

I decided to play Minecraft on my iPad before going to sleep. Just a little minecrafting, not for very long, because I need sleep, and because my morning caregiver is coming early (for her reasons, not mine) so ... Sleep is good.

I should know better.

Because I get sequences of just-a-little-more going. I sent to build up the giant tower I have over my base (because tall structures are visible from farther away, and the pocket version has no coordinates so if I get lost I'm kinda screwed), but to do that I need more cobblestone, so I go off to my mine, and get sidetracked by a cave I hadn't explored yet, which leads to more tunnels and caves and stuff, and ooh, diamonds, but oh right I was getting cobblestone, and I really ought to collect more gravel for paths so it's easier and prettier finding my way between my base and my farm and my mine and stuff, and I might as well dig out the trough for the gravel path, and--

This is akin to wanting food, but first you need to wash up some dishes, and that reminds you that you need to get dish soap, which makes you remember that you also need paper towels, but you have one last roll that you really should get, and on your way there you see some dirty clothes that remind you you heed to do laundry, except first you need to find quarters for the laundromat, and searching for those digs up a bill that needs paying...

It is also deceptively time eating. Because digging out a few stacks of cobblestone doesn't take long since I have iron tools and now diamond ones, and pathing gravel doesn't take long (but is a bit awkwarder than with PC controls), and so on, but they add up. *And* there's no visible clock to remind me of the time.

And then it's after 1:30 and I'm still not asleep.

Sigh.

(On the bright side, my tower is taller, and I didn't stupidly fall into lava and die even after finding the seven-diamond vein...)
ysobel: (Default)
So I tried playing Minecraft on my PC (knowing it's going to bother my arm, but I should be okay if I don't do too much at a time), and ... it's unbearably laggy. I mean, the first thing I tried was a multiplayer server, so I thought it was just that, but then I tried singleplayer and it's still unplayable.

Things I have done:

* Turned all video settings down to craptastic-but-fast
* Deleted Minecraft and did a clean reinstall
* Run without mods (since I hadn't gotten around to installing any)
* Made sure java was up to date
* Ran a virus scan
* Rebooted my computer

It still lags terribly, even looking around from the spawn point of a new Peaceful world.

Halp?

flail what

Sep. 21st, 2014 03:12 pm
ysobel: Pink bunny (bunny comics) with a ! over its head (!!)
I've gotten in touch recently with the local HS robotics team to see if they can make gadgets that could help me -- e.g. with feeding myself -- and it seems likely that they can.

They also want me to mentor, on the programming side at least.

I am torn between ♥_♥ (because omg it sounds like fun) and sheer terror (because impostor syndrome, mainly; because my familiarity with C, which is a lot of what they use, is rusty as hell, because I recognize github but don't have a lot of practical expertise, because I haven't had a job in ages and never did anything productive with my programming skills and was never that good at it anyway and augh what am I doing), but at least so far I think I've managed to only express the enthusiasm at them.

Flail?
ysobel: (Default)
1) I have my chair back. Finally. This is a good thing. Like, I can actually go for walks with Yahtzee.

2) It still hurts to use my mouse. So, typing is still awkward, gaming is not possible, I really need to figure out how to fix this.

3) My cope bucket is still at negative levels. Because, you know, it's so very easy to just spring back to normal after more than six weeks of extremely high stress.

4) Yahtzee is still cute.
ysobel: (fail)
So yesterday, I get a call from the people repairing my chair saying that the part they needed (as a replacement for the previous version of the part that they tried to install two weeks before) had finally come in and they were hopeful that I would get the chair back by the end of the day. And then there was a follow-up call a few hours later saying that the part actually worked this time and so yes I could come get the chair.

...Which on its own is hilarious because how am I supposed to do that, but I had a friend who had offered to go get it for me, so she did, with instructions to make sure that all the functions worked before taking it. Which it did.

Got transferred over. The difference in comfort is incredible, especially being able to tilt back. They did warn that the battery would probably need charging, so I couldn’t safely go for a walk, but I could at least be comfortable, right?

Ahahahano.

After all of maybe five minutes, it died again. Same rapid progression of “works fine” to “won’t tilt but drives fine” to “won’t do anything except turn on and off” that happened a month ago. I charged it overnight just in case but it still isn't working (I am not surprised).

They are sending a technician out at 3:30 this afternoon to look at it (lol) and, if he can't fix it on site, take it back with him. And of course there's no way to even estimate when it will get re-fixed.

I am Not Happy.
ysobel: (Default)
So minecraft is sort of saving my sanity right now because it's the only one of my games I can still play -- using the mouse right now is problematic enough in the best circumstances, but since I'm still trapped in the backup chair (wrong height, wrong angle, no side to side tilt) it's even worse, and all of my games require both mouse and some keyboard.

(There are of course mouse-only games for things like Bejeweled, but that's not really the same sort of thing, and doesn't scratch the right itch; plus which, I'm using the mouse awkwardly with my non dominant hand, so anything that requires speed or accuracy is right out, and generally mouse-only games require both of those.)

(Plus, there is something innately therapeutic about virtually smacking things in the face with a sword.)

Not being able to do gaming is making the house-arrest of not having my real chair (have I talked about that here? How I can't really go anywhere safely so I'm stuck at home) way more frustrating.

But minecraft has an iOS version. That I can play on my iPad. And that works for the way I hold it. (Landscape, with hands along the sides, mostly touchpadding using thumbs.). And while it's not the only game I have installed, it's the only one that feels like gaming.

Except.

Mods (which are IMO a pain in the ass, and confusing, to install in the PC version) are pretty much impossible (without jailbreaking and other stuff that is beyond my capacity given that I can't really figure out the PC equivalent, which is easier).

Which wouldn't be a problem except that I get lost.

Easily.

So, like, I build a house, and make it all pretty, and put important stuff in chests, and then go wandering -- above ground for NPC villages or other kinds of tree/flower or just because wandering is fun, or below ground for iron or diamonds or redstone -- and then can't get back home argh.

I have a workaround for the PC version, which is F3 to get the debug info up, and write down the x/z coordinates of important places like my home base, and then when I want to get from somewhere else to a known place I just compare coordinates and travel as necessary. This is a tad kludgier than ideal, not as good as installing a mod that allows me to set visually-marked waypoints, but it works.

The iOS version, as far as I can tell, has no way to display coordinates. At all. No debug screen, no way to get info, nada.

So in my current world I have a house that is aesthetically pleasing and also decently functional and defensible, and it is close to good sources of trees (spruce in one direction, birch in another) and close to sheep and pigs, and I'm scared to go anywhere because I won't be able to get back. And sure, it's valid to play nomadically -- carry with me the important stuff, food and coal and iron and any diamonds I come across, and just wander with no fixed home -- but that's not what I want to do right now. I want cozy adventures, where it doesn't matter that I'm hoarding gravel for no apparent reason, where I don't lose everything when I die, where I feel safe and not stressed.

I'm a little frustrated.

*gnaws on things*
ysobel: (learning german)
Duo prompted me that I hadn't yet done a lesson for today; as I am tired and cannot brain at all, I eschewed either "lesson of new stuff" or "review of weakest words comprehensive of all I've done", both of which require brain and lead to frustration upon repeated failure, for "review of one of the early lessons", which doesn't so much.

At one point I got the sentence "I write a letter" to translate into Spanish via refrigerator magnet style selection from word pool. And they had "lee" and "leemos" and "lees" but I spent literally several minutes staring at the selection of words wondering why I couldn't find the first person form "leo".

...after which I realized that, oh yeah, leo isn't there because leo means I *read*, not I *write*.

Yeah.
ysobel: (Default)
So... Wow.

I stopped playing Minecraft somewhere around the horse update. I seem to have phases of playing the game, followed by lulls without it, and so it's not uncommon for me to stop playing for a while.

But last night, I had a bunch of Minecrafty dreams; and so I decided to pull it out again and see what's new.

Biomes! Flowers! (Sunflowers!) Fish! Stained glass! Rabbits! Killer rabbits!

I, uh.

Have a lot to catch up on.
ysobel: (Default)
The good: I have officially been doing the Spanish thing for a year now. Bit over, actually. And yes, I do have the streak going (367, whee), though there were three days in there I technically missed. Well, two definite misses, and one day where I remembered at 11:50 but couldn't get the daily thing done in time. But you can "buy" (using virtual site currency that you get for doing lessons) a streak freeze, that will preserve your streak for one day of inactivity. Won't increment it of course, which is why I was on a 362-day streak on my one year anniversary, but ... yeah.

A year of doing something pretty much daily? Not trivial.

And I can sort of understand bits and pieces of actual real live Spanish, though not everything, and I'm lousy at verb tenses, and I am of course tons better at recall than at generating. Still, yay.

The bad: did I mention I'm lousy at verb tenses? The "unit" I just finished was on modal verbs, and it took me multiple tries to get through and I was doing a lot of guessing and a lot of flailing and a lot of looking at the hover hints for far too many words, and pretty much zero retention.

The remaining units, in sequence, are labeled thusly: V. Cond. 0/1, V. P. Imp. 0/5, V. Sub. P. 0/1, Abs. Ob. 3 0/10, Cond. Per. 0/2. Notice how four out of five are verb tenses.

It makes me want to run and hide, even though that would crash the nice pretty streak.

(That, or switch to relearning German, except a) it seems like a bad idea to lose momentum on practicing Spanish, and b) omg the cases. Even with Spanish, which has two genders and no inflections thereof, I trip up sometimes. German not only has three genders, but also nominative / accusative / dative / etc. wah.)

ETA: okay, so conditional is relatively straightforward -- infinitive + ía. But the rest still scares me :/
ysobel: A man wielding a kitchen knife and making an adorable yelling face (rage)
Sob.

A month or two ago, a visiting dog chewed up my bamboo G hook. No problem; I'll just order another set of Amazon. Tried a different seller just for kicks. They came in a very pretty case, and all was well.

Until I pulled one out today.

It didn't have a hook size; it was just 4.5 mm. Which is halfway between a G and an H, but it's pretty much what I wanted.

Except for how it's a *knitting needle and not a crochet hook*.

Slight difference.

I... am cranky.

(went back to the Amazon page. The item is still listed as crochet hooks, both title and description. The picture is also clearly knitting needles, not hooks, if you actually pay attention to that sort of thing. I have added a review, for all the good that does.)

Today? Not the best day.
ysobel: A man wielding a kitchen knife and making an adorable yelling face (rage)
My main chair -- which, as you may recall, broke on the 7th -- was theoretically supposed to be fixed today, so that I could pick it up tomorrow.

Apparently the circuit board they ordered (which I swear they shipped by a narcoleptic sloth or something, based on how long it took to get here) didn't work. So they have to get a new one. Which will probably take at least another week.

*says a lot of bad words*

Meanwhile I am stuck at home, in a chair that is only barely functional and seriously uncomfortable, that makes my back and legs hurt and my butt go numb and puts me at higher risk for UTIs (I am on my second in the last three weeks) and pressure sores, that I'm afraid to go outside in. *And* I can't use the mouse with my right hand, and the left arm is starting to get a pinched nerve in the shoulder that using the mouse doesn't help with, and I can't play my games, and I am just REALLY FUCKING FRUSTRATED ARGH *footstomp*
ysobel: (bleah)
UTIs suck. Especially ones that come with fevers.

(I blame the earthquake)

ETA: fevers are FUN. Went to bed (at 9 with a >100° fever) utterly freezing, to the point of having one blanket (folded in quarters or so) over my legs and a second (nice soft warm microfleece, folded in at least eighths) over my chest and arms. It was the only way I felt warm enough. Woke up at 1:30 utterly drenched with sweat, especially my torso. No idea what my temp is, bothered roommate enough to get the blankets off since I can't do that myself but didn't want to do too much fussing, but this shit is uncomfortable, yo.
ysobel: Blue bunny (bunny comics) holding a sign reading "I hate you" (hate you)
pain

being stuck in the backup chair

my typing speed (mouse + non-dominant hand + onscreen keyboard = ~10wpm at best with high error rate; it took *19 minutes* to type out this entry)

pain

lack of sufficient pain meds

my left hand going numb if I sit wrong

commitments

this stupid story that is 1/4 of the minimum needed, is crappy, and bears no association with canon

the fact that I am going to disappoint the recipient of said story

my insecurities

pain

me

everything

ETA said fuck-it to actually being anything close to sensible, and had cheesecake for dinner. Because sometimes, that is the answer.

crankyface

Aug. 20th, 2014 05:40 pm
ysobel: (Default)
12:30 last night, power goes out. My bed is an alternating air pressure mattress that requires electricity, and the powered-off state is completely deflated -- and without air, it’s a really hard uncomfortable mattress. Plus the pillow setup I have propping me in position works okay for the inflated setup but was all wrong for deflated. Between various things, my right hip and right knee (and left knee to a lesser extent) were in complete agony. And I couldn’t even watch Netflix as a distraction, because my net connection requires power.

Power came back on... at 6:30.

I still hurt, and I am utterly exhausted because I probably got four hours total of very crappy sleep.

Yeah, thanks, universe, I needed that on top of everything else :P
ysobel: A bunny (bunny comics) in the dotted-line red-x-in-corner broken-image style (404 not found)
In going stash diving to see if I have orange yarn (I am making a little crochet sun, and orange would make a good accent color), I came across some of my cross-stitching supplies, and I wanted to burst into tears.

I miss cross-stitching so freaking much I can’t even stand it.

I don’t have the mobility to do it any more; I don’t have the dexterity to thread embroidery needles (I can’t even get yarn needles threaded easily), I can’t hold a cross-stitch frame where I could get the needle to the right place, and I don’t have the arm mobility to pull needle through fabric and get the thread all the way pulled through. I could maybe do parts of it if I had someone help with the physical aspects, but then it’s not me doing it any more.

Cross-stitch used to be a sort of form of meditation for me, calming and relaxing, and I came out with pretty stuff. Not the kitschy sort of patterns, but real works of art -- Teresa Wentzler was one of my favorite designers -- and I can’t do it any more and it hurts.

I want my arms back. Hell, I don’t even need both, just one would be fine.

(Now that I’m alone in the apartment I’m letting myself cry, now that it’s not in front of my mom and one of my aides, but that doesn’t fix anything)

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ysobel: (Default)
masquerading as a man with a reason

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