[sticky entry] Sticky: Fic master list

Mar. 14th, 2011 01:59 pm
ysobel: (attacked by a pencil scribble)
Here is a list of fic that I have written since 2005. The list is not guaranteed to be complete, and does not include snippets that were never officially published. Some pre-2005 work is still available; see the end for details.

This list does not include spoiler warnings, content warnings, or any other kind of warnings or tags. (This is not an attempt to be insensitive; rather, I haven't found a warning/tagging method that works for me, or that I have been able to maintain with any reliability.) I give word counts where I know it, and note remixes and crossovers, but that's it.

Fics are sorted by fandom, then date.

My AO3 account (here) overlaps this list; not everything on AO3 is listed here, and not everything here is on AO3. One of these days I will get around to fixing that.

fandoms: Buffy, Firefly, Harry Potter, Heroes, Lord of the Rings, Merlin, Numb3rs, Pirates of the Caribbean, Star Trek AOS, Star Wars TPM, Stargate SG-1, Supernatural, Vagrant Story, White Collar, X-Men (First Class), and misc )

This list is up to date as of March 5, 2012

Um hi

Mar. 26th, 2015 10:37 pm
ysobel: (Default)
Apparently it's been like two weeks since I posted. Oops? Still alive.

Things of note:

- brainweasels (esp. depression related) have been eating me alive

- cancer sucks. not me but family )

- oh and in "thank you universe, I totally needed that right now" timing, the lift I use to transfer between bed and toilet and wheelchair ... decided to stop working. that whole saga )

- chorus starts back up next week. Yay.

- get to visit sister and niecelet Saturday. Yay times infinity.

- am rewatching Leverage. Still awesome.

- Also I am feeling ridiculously and pathetically lonely right now. physical touch more than anything )
ysobel: (Default)
I want to reread Discworld novels, but my bookshelf has NO organization (and is mostly double-stacked so I can't even look through what I have without serious assistance) and anyway physical books are Hard for me to deal with, so I figured, what the hell, I'd get ebook versions. Not everything, just ones focusing on my favourite characters.

Which happen to be Death, Sam Vimes, and Granny Weatherwax.

Or basically, using this chart, three of the four major groupings; and of the remainder, I like the Ancient Civilizations ones and the YA ones, so I have gone from "not everything, just the special ones" to "everything but the Rincewind books and the Industrial Revolution books, the latter mainly because I never got around to reading any".

Now, woe the first, which is mainly me being lazy, is that these do not exist as omnibus groupings (which would be awesome for the ebook versions; just have "The Collected Witches Novels of Discworld" and "The Collected Death Novels of Discworld" and so on, so that the related books just are one huge file. But eh.

Woe the second, which is a huger deal: *this is a fuckton of money*, at least relative to my life.

A lot of them are on sale for $3.99 instead of $9.99 -- not all, and e.g. Small Gods is reduced all the way to 9.09 what a ~bargain~ but for the moment assume for the ease of calculation that they are. Six Witches books plus four YA books plus two AC books plus five Death books plus seven Watch novels? $96. Granted, that's 24 books, so it's not anywhere close to the scale of, say, college textbooks, but it's also a) close to a hundred dollars, and b) not the actual price as not all of them are $4.

And of course the way Kindle books work, you can't shove them all in a single shopping cart to see the cost. It's just one-click. For each one.

ysobel: Blocks in the Minecraft world spellng out MINECRAFT (minecraft)
Why does it bother me so much to get lost in MineCraft?

I'm not talking about odd situations like "fell down hole with no tools, waiting to die of hunger" (last night's situation) or "stuck in an endless desert with no trees whatsoever" (one of my iPad worlds; I started at place-with-trees, because I have tools and torches, but right now I can *not* get out of the desert, and I am running low on said tools and torches, and trees are kind of necessary for those things; you can eke out a basic existence with just wood and cobblestone (since logs can be burned into charcoal), but you can't do diddlysquat without trees). I'm also not really talking about "I built a perfect scale replica of the Enterprise and don't remember where it is" or whatever.

Just ... getting lost. Having to start over.

Basic early-stage gameplay (on survival) is: punch trees for wood, get basic tools, get torches, get basic shelter. Survive first night. Figure out food source, go looking for resources, upgrade tools, kill things, survive more nights, go out for more resources. Upgrade home base to have chests, furnaces, maybe some decorative stuff.

Sometimes, in foraging for resources, I lose track of where home is. And it frustrates the hell out of me.

Like, my non-desert iPad world? I spawned on a savannah, so had several stairstep-trunk trees, so I just adapted one into a treehouse: partially done, with an 11x9 floor of acacia wood blocks and a frame but no walls or ceiling. I decided I wanted the walls to be mostly glass, so I went off in search of sand to smelt down. Found sand; found a NPC village; have no fucking idea where home is.

Now, the rational reaction is one of two things:

1) Shrug and make a new home base, maybe (in this example) centered on the NPC village. It's not like old home base had a whole lot, and all of what's there -- furnace and crafting table, wood, cobblestone, coal, a modicum of iron -- is not just replaceable but *easily* replaceable.

2) Temporarily make a place to store stuff, dig down far enough to get redstone, make a compass, follow compass back to spawn (while leaving trail if I want to do a more permanent pathway)

But somehow my brain flips out and chooses door number 3:

3) Panic, flail, and stop playing that world, with sometimes the added bonus of wanting to quit Minecraft altogether, though I usually end up just creating a new world to play in.

The odd thing is, there is *no actual advantage* to starting a new world instead of continuing with the old one. I mean, either way I've "lost" the time and effort put into making the first (usually basic and crappy) shelter, and the shrug-and-rehome option at least allows me to start with some resources on hand. And yet I can't seem to do it. I'm too disappointed to take it further.
ysobel: (Default)
Playing on easy, I get beat up by spiders and creepers. Whic, okay, easy != peaceful, that's fine.

I forgot to write down coords of my base, so I put my stuff in a chest (wrote down those coords) and drowned to respawn. In trying to travel from respawn point to chest, I fall down a hole. With seven blocks of dirt and a sapling and nothing else.

So I set it to hard, so I will die and re-respawn.

I have not died yet

It has been like ten RL minutes.

No monsters.

I have no torches, no tools, no light.

WTF, game.
ysobel: (Default)
is here. I tried to do a picspam post on DW/LJ, but emailing the pictures didn't work (message too big) and I was too lazy exhausted and brain-fogged to do the uploading and coding by hand. Feel free to comment here though, since this is a better platform for replies than tumblr is.

Spoiler: I have adorable pets.
ysobel: (Default)
...totally safe for work, but I got another CSA box :D

nom )
ysobel: (Default)
The good news: I survived Rehearsal Hell Week.

The bad news: I am exhausted, probably will be for the rest of the week at least, but -- unlike Saturday night when I passed out early and slept for probably 13 hours -- it's the sort of exhaustion that kicks into a jittery can't-get-to-sleep mode. Which is annoying.

The other bad news: I think I'm getting more bone in my right thigh/butt. And it still hurts to use the mouse for extended periods, so I can't do any real gaming.

Bodies are frustrating sometimes.
ysobel: (fall)
Sometimes I wonder if ever the trees
Find themselves burdened with thoughts such as these:

"I am old, I am crooked and gnarled and squat
And all that I wish I could be, I am not.

Not tall like the redwoods that reach towards the sky
Nor bendy like aspen that shimmer and sigh.

My bark is uneven, not glossy and sleek;
My branches, when wind-stirred, don't whisper but creak.

My leaves have not come yet, my branches are bare,
Though warm is the weather and spring in the air.

The birds do not choose me, for perch or for nests;
The squirrels run elsewhere, as other trees' guests

I am old, I am ugly, I fail as tree
And yet there is not a thing else I could be."

...Do trees ever ponder on what could have been
Or what they should do, or how they can "win"?

Or do they just live and then die in due course,
Unfettered by fear or by guilt or remorse,

With roots to keep grounded, connected with earth,
That keep them from doubting about their own worth,

And leaves to leap skyward, aloft in the breeze,
To drink in the sun’s warmth and keep them at ease;

And never to fear about unused potential,
But simply to concentrate on the essentials

Of dreaming in winter, re-waking in spring,
Without undue worries of what time will bring.

Do trees ever worry? If not, then my plea
Is that someday I may be reborn as a tree.
ysobel: (Default)
So two weeks ago I went to Stitches West -- basically a huge-ass yarn convention (and when I say huge I mean it took two and a half hours to just wander up and down all the aisles, not buying anything, just looking, and marking stalls of interest on the map) -- and I finally was able to get pictures of my loot.

(As recommended by several people, I went with a set budget in cash, and so my haul isn't *large*, but I also don't need huge quantities of yarn right now. And someday I will buy myself some qivit, but that is not this day.)

Loot pictures )
ysobel: (Default)
Day 1 of Rehearsal Hell Week (yesterday) has been survived. Day 2 (tomorrow) will be a new level of interesting, as the soloists will be there in the evening.

I still have a voice, for now, though I'm getting an intermittent dry cough. I still hate the main piece. I am totally ready for the concert to be over.

Friday is going to be a "zone out on watching things" day. I haven't decided yet whether it will be a) stuff needed for fic (the rest of CA:TFA and then CA:TWS), b) more catch up on the shows I'm behind on (two more eps of Forever, then SH which I'm way behind on, then castle or bones or whatever), or c) fun brainless rewatch (either A:TLA or Leverage).

Saturday and Sunday are going to be minor levels of hell. And my roommate's out of town Friday and Saturday nights so I get my mom staying with me yippee. (That's a sarcastic yippee. I love my mom but in limited doses, and when I'm stressed and tired I have a very low cope threshold.)

Next week will consist primarily of decompression, more of Friday's dilemma, and maybe some crocheting. I do have one thing Monday late morning, one thing Wednesday afternoon, and one thing Friday afternoon, but otherwise I am going to do Not A Damn Thing. Except watch stuff. And play with yarn.

(Extended mouse use still bothers my hand, otherwise there would be gaming in there too, I may do some anyway, just because I miss it.)

tumble down

Mar. 2nd, 2015 02:00 pm
ysobel: Pink bunny (bunny comics), drawing a bunny (art)
So I had stopped using tumblr for a while, but now I seem to be back to using it. About 75% reblogs (sometimes with commentary) but there is original stuff too.

So, if you are on tumblr and want (for whatever reason) to follow me, I am at https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ysobelflp

(and I do have it set to crosspost to twitter, which ... right now I don't use much apart from the automatic crosspost. So if you follow me on twitter (which I just typed twittr, heh) you will know when I post to tumblr, though I don't think the images carry over.)

fuck bodies

Mar. 1st, 2015 06:32 pm
ysobel: A bunny (bunny comics) in the dotted-line red-x-in-corner broken-image style (404 not found)
My apartment is filled with clutter.

I have hoarder genetics from both sides of my family; for as long as I've known myself I've been both lazy, preferring other things to cleaning, and possessive, wanting to hang on to things. But right now, all I can think about is how stupid everything is -- or how many reminders there are of things I can't do.

I have 22 bookshelves, many of them double-stacked, of books that just sit there collecting dust. Some of them, I have no interest in; particularly, books from college that were assigned reading, or books from the various book clubs that I've been in, or nonfiction book picked up at library book sales in case they ever came in handy. But mostly, the books sit unused, untouched, loved but unappreciated, because I find physical books to be hard to manage. Hardback books are heavy and unwieldy and generally don't like to stay open; paperbacks are often too small and therefore equally unwieldy; and regardless, I can't reach the shelves.

(I should hire help. Take everything off the shelves, see what all there is, sort out the things I don't want and the things I don't really need and keep only the ones that are important to me. Re-sort so that like things are together, so the books by the same author are together, so I can find things again. But no one has the time or the patience, and there is no staging area to work with.)

I have one bookshelf, double-stacked, of dvds. Half of them have never been watched. Some have never been opened. Some I didn't even want in the first place. (Long story, involving a very persistent DVD subscription service combined with depression and anxiety on my part that kept me from canceling for very long time.) Some are redundant, in that the content is now available streaming, although the redundancy proves useful if I lose Internet access without losing power. Still: I can't reach the shelf, I don't know that I can open DVD cases, and I know I can't reach the player.

(I don't even know what to do with these. Particularly the ones that realistically I know I will never get around to watching, but I still want to watch them, someday.)

I have one bookshelf crammed with yarn, and a TV tray with scattered yarn and projects. (Elsewhere in the apartment, there is: a garbage bag full of yarn in my room; at least one very large box in the hallway containing another garbage bag full of yarn; scattered bags with treasures of fiber secreted about in various places; a shoe box full of yarn, somewhere in the closet; multiple kits that never made much progress, including one for a penguin cushion cover, and one for a very pretty bag, and other things that I once wanted to make. There are half finished projects in zip lock bags and plastic bags and boxes and tins. Somewhere, there is a hiding place where my knitting needles and stitch markers have gone. But the bookshelf is always very visible in ways the other things aren't.) Except I am slow and clumsy and have nothing of the dexterity or precision that I used to have. I don't do as much with yarn as I would like to.

(I should collect everything and put it in one place and sort through it, keeping the yarn that I love and giving away the rest, despite the lure of " someday I might use it". That would also let me gather the ones that are in hank form, so that I can get them wound so that I can knit from them, because that is another element of the problem: I can no longer wind balls myself, so much of the good yarn is currently unusable for me.)

All that is just what I can see from here.

Somewhere in my apartment, there is a box full of cross stitch supplies, fabric and frames and thread and partially finished projects. I can't do cross stitch any more. I don't have the mobility or the dexterity. I miss it like burning and can't bear to let it go, but the knowledge that I can't do it and never will -- that the really ornate project will forever remain only 5/6 done, but the other kits I have from that designer will never be started -- I am reminded of that every time I see the box.

Somewhere in my apartment, there are art supplies, crayons and colored pencils and coloring books and drawing books and collections of mandalas and sketch pads, all of which I couldn't use even if I could find them.

Somewhere, there are blank (empty or half-filled) writing journals dreaming of words that will never touch them.

Somewhere, there is a small stash of fabric, from failed hand-sewing attempts. I can't sew. I can't even sew with a yarn needle and yarn.

Somewhere, there are origami supplies, battered books and half-used collections of paper.

I should get rid of most if not all of these things; find new homes for the parts others can use, throw away or recycle the rest.

I can't.

All I can do is hurt.
ysobel: (Default)
Something I realized recently is that the ten years between 2001 and 2011 are very very blurry for me. I know I existed, but I can't remember it, and I can't remember dates. Somewhere in there I went to grad school -- but I don't emmer when. Somewhere in there my parents got divorced -- but I don't remember when. Somewhere in there I lost the ability to go to the bathroom by myself; somewhere in there I lost the ability to get in and out of bed by myself, and I remember fairly vividly the night the latter changed (had to call my mom after an hour of being unable to swing my legs up onto the bed; somewhere in there I lost more and more pieces of my mobility, and I don't remember when.

Some of all that I could reconstruct by going back through LJ entries for the years in question. But I can't remember, can't ever remember, and when I find out dates for stuff it slips through my mind like water and disappears.

(Post 2011 isn't super great, except that a) 2011 is the year I got Yahtzee, and by extension the year I got a Suri, and b) nothing much since then has changed, except for cat. But there's really not much else *to* remember.)

When I was a kid, I used to have a really good memory. I don't know why that's changed so much.
ysobel: Pink bunny (bunny comics) with a ! over its head (!!)
Perfectionism is at its core about trying to earn approval and acceptance. Most perfectionists were raised being praised for achievement and performance. Grades, manners, rule following, people pleasing, appearance, sports. Somewhere along the way we adopt this dangerous and debilitating belief system: I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it. Please, perform, perfect. ... Perfectionism hampers success. In fact it's often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis. Life paralysis refers to all of the opportunities we miss because were too afraid to put anything out in the world that could he imperfect. It's also all of the dreams that we don't follow because of our deep fear of failing, making mistakes, and disappointing others. --Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

(No this doesn't describe me at all what are you talking about)

augh what

Feb. 13th, 2015 03:12 pm
ysobel: A man wielding a kitchen knife and making an adorable yelling face (rage)
So I had a Dilemma: Do I rewatch CA:TWS so I can get started on the ~soulbonding~ crossover fic (since it starts in the middle of TWS and takes off from there), or do I rewatch CA:TFA first for the Steve/Bucky background and also for Peggy being awesome?

#yuletide, of whom I asked this very important question, pointed out that watching them chronologically is good (and also TFA has some yummy shirtlessness). So I went to Netflix, which has TFA, and --

--and it's not there.


Amazon has it available to rent for $3 (but their renting system is horrid; you have to watch it within 24h, and currently my movie watching strategy tends to be about half an hour at a time and then I get distracted and then I come back to it later or the next day or whatever and watch a bit more until I get distracted again) or $15 to buy (except that's SD and buying HD is the same fucking price as buying the DVD, which doesn't depend on amazon being willing to stream it for me), and augh.

(and my dad wonders why I have so many "home videos" on my computer)
ysobel: Charles and Erik, sitting shoulder to shoulder and looking at each other, with a heart between them (xmfc - heart)
So I posted a random thing to my tumblr about how I had a ridiculous urge to write Charles and Erik teaming up to take the Winter Soldier down. I mean, I know that the MCU and XMen will never cross in canon because reasons, and the film versions of both are what I'm familiar with, but if made a pretty image -- Erik against the metal arm and weapons (except that TWS is pretty fucking lethal even with those taken out of the picture, except for an absurd image of Erik doing a “stop hitting yourself” routine using his arm against him), Charles against his brain (digging under the layers of brainwashing like so much white paint (or, no, blood-red paint) to find the true colors of the man underneath, to bring up Bucky instead of Hydra’s programming) — and both of them surprised to discover that he’s not actually a mutant.

And then it sort of ... Grew. Like one of those vines that digs its roots into sheer rock and is impossible to eradicate.

I now have the sketch outline of the first couple scenes (starting with the CA:TWS bit where Steve totally bluescreens on realizing that Bucky is the Winter Soldier and gets rescued by Sam and Natasha while his brain is rebooting, segueing into Natasha figuring out that Bucky has been brainwashed to hell and back and so she calls in Charles, whom she knows somehow, and Charles gets Erik involved because metal arm, and Steve is all "wait, you're Magneto, you're not one of the good guys," and Erik gives this cynical toothy smile and asks rhetorically "who is, these days")

and of course it's present day so it's older Charles and Erik, not McFassy versions

and then I started sketch-outlining the next scene, where Erik and Charles are alone and Erik asks him why he's doing this when none of them are their people -- no one involved is a mutant, after all

and my brain went ~ZOMG SOULBONDS~ in like 72-pt sparklefont


Save me?

or encourage me, one or the other
ysobel: (om nom nom)
...now with pictures!

Box 2: Assorted lettuce, Bosc pears, Brussels sprouts, Flat leaf parsley, Nantes carrots, Rainbow chard, Red potatoes, Red radishes, Romanesco cauliflower, Ruby grapefruit, Watermelon radish

pics )


Feb. 8th, 2015 09:23 pm
ysobel: (Default)
Re-rewatched the 1991 Into the Woods today. It remains awesome. It has also, however, given me ~all the feels~. I wish to complain to management.

(Also realized that the guy who is Cinderella's Prince in that production is also one of the leads in the recording of Secret Garden. I wish there were an equivalent video version of SG because I would love to actually *see* it. Sadface.)
ysobel: Daniel, unconscious and hooked up to VR (fic ate my brain)
So [personal profile] minim_calibre linked to this:

Three Sentence Ficathon

And I, uh. Tripped and wrote 400 words of fic so far?

MCU, asexual Clint/Natasha
MCU, Steve
Firefly, Mal/River
Narnia, Susan
SPN, Sam/Gabriel
Librarians, Cassandra/Ezekiel
LotR, Boromir/Faramir

(the prompts also have, well, prompts, as well as fandom and character)
ysobel: (Default)
So a discussion on the internet (never a good start) about 50 Shades of Grey (run away) and whether or not there is rape content (spoiler: I was on the "oh hayull yes there is" side) has resurrected the "rewrite 50sog as a story about an asexual discovering her kinky side" bunny I had a few years back.

Except now my brain wants to write it as a lesbian relationship.



In trying to dig up any 50soa journal entries, I found babblings about a year where the novel progressed from "unicorns that are totally not Companions" to "unicorns vs zombies" to "unicorns vs zombies and also unicorns vs evil murlocs" to "also a dragon" to "unicorns vs zombies plus unicorns vs evil murlocs plus zombies vs evil murlocs plus evil murlocs using plants as defense (hence plants vs zombies) plus unicorns vs dragons plus unicorns and dragons vs zombies omgwtfflail"

So I dug up the scrivener file for that year, and discovered a bunch of stuff that's decent, and a bunch of stuff that's salvagable, and a bunch of insecure flailings, and some major non sequiturs:

There need to be more mermaids in this book.

How do you get to mermaids?

Follow the hippos

And for the dragons I stole names from WoW because I could, and so then there's this:

"I haven't come this far to give up," Marek said fiercely. "Is there nothing we can do to change your mind?"

(you can go on a quest to kill six snow meese! ...and then repeat it daily, along with feeding sea lions that are too stupid to find the opposite sex, and gathering supplies that are two feet away from me, until we like you enough! ...wait, that's Kalu'ak, not one of the dragonflights. never mind all that.)

Also the characters abuse sarcasm:

"...bother," Marek said. "I suppose we could go take a vacation and party or something."

"That was sarcasm, wasn't it," Aniela said.

"Oh you know it was."


Now I just need to find the scrivener file from the year I started a YA story that is Totally Not X-Men (With A Disabled Protagonist).


ysobel: (Default)
masquerading as a man with a reason

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