Back Up On Your Expectations

May. 30th, 2017 06:00 am
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Posted by Not Always Right

(I am sitting in driving school and we are learning about reversing. Because all the shops are within walking distance of where I grew up I don’t see the need to get a car so I’m a little older than everyone in the class, but know next to nothing about driving. My instructor, however, seems to think because I’m older I should know more than my classmates.)

Instructor: “Okay, everyone, we’re going to learn about reversing. What are the colors of your reverse lights?”

(One student says red but the rest of the class can’t figure out the color of the other light. Before I can say anything the class sends out the guesses I was going to say so I stay quiet trying to think of what else it could be.)

Instructor: *turns to me* “[My Name], do you know what color the final light is?”

Me: “No idea.”

Instructor: *annoyed* “Why not?!”

Me: “Because I’m usually IN the car when it’s backing up.”

The post Back Up On Your Expectations appeared first on Funny & True Stories - Not Always Right.

Tuesday 30/05/2017

May. 30th, 2017 08:07 am
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[personal profile] dark_kana posting in [community profile] 3_good_things_a_day
1) Immediately made calls I had to make instead of postponing them! ^^

2) Figuring my week out. It's so hectic these days... But, there is a calmer weekend planned! Looking forward to it! Also, boyfriend and I figured out where we're going to on holiday within 3 weeks! :D Now we just have to book our stay and flight :p

3) If all goes well (and nothing unexpected happens like the last 2 or 3 weeks), I'm going running with my sister this evening :-) *crosses fingers*

links and suchlike

May. 30th, 2017 03:28 pm
tielan: (AVG - agents)
[personal profile] tielan
Had lunch. Am now in the food coma zone. Coffee will probably have to follow shortly, although I usually try to avoid two cups in a day.

(Does anyone else get kind of high on a second cup of coffee? Like your brain goes a little floaty.)

--

The 1-6 tooth (with the root canal) is feeling vaguely 'fizzy' again. I'm not sure it's ever going to feel 'normal' again. I'm also getting mild aches in the head again, and the right foot is again feeling very sensitive.

I'm chalking all this up to playing hockey - increased sensitivity in one part buzzing all the pain and sensitivity channels in the rest of my body. It's still a little disturbing, and kind of exhausting.

--

Parentals are home on Friday, B1 will probably move back in that night. It will be nice to have someone else in the house again.

And then I offered to cook dinner on Saturday...

--

Australian Populism: What If Australia already had its Trump moment...and it was Tony Abbott?

Perhaps not all is lost?

Mind you, Australia is very different to the rest of 'the West' - ocean borders, a much younger nationalistic identity and therefore not as entrenched, a western country in a very non-white region, and one of the most urban populations in the world with corresponding intermingling of culture and influx of immigrants. As a result, the reasons that populism has perhaps passed are not necessarily going to be replicated in Europe and the North Americas.

--

Sydney Writer's Festival: Six Things We Learned

1. "On Such Small Things Do Fate And The Future Depend": Hitler, Drugs, the Third Reich, And The Movement Of Mussolini.
2. "Not What You Can Write, But How Do You Write It?": A white man writes a story about a black man raping a white woman and hands it in to his black Lit teacher. It's gonna be a long discussion class tomorrow...
3. "The Immigrant And The Xenophobe Are Close Cousins When It Comes To The Concept Of Refuge": is refuge what we seek or what we defend? Is refuge a refuge if it isn't exclusionary by nature and therefore sought?
4. "The White Gaze And Review Culture": White people can review anything, but Indigenous reviewers are only relevant when it's Indigenous culture.
5. "As Many Brits Living Outside Of Britain as Syrians Living Outside Of Syria": facts and the distortion of them for false inference.
6. "There's Always Someone In The Audience Who Wants To Get Their Id Out In Public": #NotAllAudienceQuestions

--

Racism: Poisonous Racism At The Root Of Western Societies

“This is my history too,” Tempest continued, her voice shaky. “I’m living it, it’s happening. We are at the end of colonial history, British history. I want to say something to you, I want to be able to talk about it. Guilt is not good enough any more. Guilt is narcissism. Your guilt is about you. My guilt is about me. It’s not good enough.

“Empathy. Empathy, humility, reparation and change,” she urged.
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Posted by Not Always Right

Home|Home | Berkeley, CA, USA

(My friends and I (collectively two cis-folk, one trans-person, and one gender-queer person) are discussing a roleplaying game we’re planning.)

Friend #1: “I just think it would be really interesting to do an inverted fairy-tale game and use everyone’s familiarity with the stories to really mess around with those themes, like explore gender roles and stuff like that.”

Friend #2: “What happens if you fail your gender roll?”

Me: “You can’t fail your gender roll! It’s like DnD — it’s a random encounter table!”

The post Your Identity Has Taken A Critical Hit appeared first on Funny & True Stories - Not Always Right.

Friends At A Funeral

May. 30th, 2017 04:00 am
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Posted by Not Always Right

My mother died the year after I finished high school. When the funeral service was over, I turned to see all my closest friends there — including one high school friend that had moved 800 km away. At the time I assumed she’d gotten time off from her job as I knew she’d gotten an apprenticeship.

I found out later that her boss had refused to give her the time off. So she quit her job and jumped on the first train she could to come and be with my family and me. She set her career back an entire year.

I love my friends.

The post Friends At A Funeral appeared first on Funny & True Stories - Not Always Right.

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Posted by Not Always Right

Customer: “Hello, I’ll take a medium decaf ‘cup of chino.’”

Me: “Medium decaf cappuccino?”

Customer: “Yes, ‘cup of chino.’” *I turn around to make her drink* “Where are you from?”

Me: “I’m from Cape Cod. How about you?”

Customer: “Oh, I thought you were foreign. It’s pronounced ‘cup of chino,’ honey, not ‘cappuccino.’”

The post In Massachusetts It’s Pronounced Any Way They Want appeared first on Funny & True Stories - Not Always Right.

Getting Into His Head

May. 30th, 2017 02:00 am
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Posted by Not Always Right

(I am standing in our kitchen when my husband walks through to the refrigerator. I keep hearing a slight hissing noise.)

Me: “What is that noise?”

Husband: “You can hear that?”

Me: “Yes.”

(I try to listen to figure out where the sound is coming from. It turns out the hissing was coming from a hole in the bottom of my husbands own shoe. Every time he took a step the air would rush out of the sole of the shoe. My husband thought the noise was in his head for a week before I noticed it.)

The post Getting Into His Head appeared first on Funny & True Stories - Not Always Right.

Prompt for 2017-05-29

May. 29th, 2017 10:02 pm
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[personal profile] brewsternorth posting in [community profile] dailyprompt
Today's prompt is "an old fortress".

We’re Closing Down For You

May. 30th, 2017 01:00 am
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Posted by Not Always Right

(I work in a retail portrait studio. Due to circumstances that actually have nothing to do with my company, our location is permanently closing. Until then, it’s business as usual. My associate, who by the way is the sweetest girl on the planet and receives more customer compliments than the rest of us combined, is working alone. The phone rings while she is busy.)

Associate: “Thank you for calling [Studio]. Can you please hold?”

(She places the line on hold for no more than one minute as she finishes helping a customer. When she returns, the caller has hung up. She then receives two calls in a row and has to let one go to voicemail.)

Customer: *on voicemail* “I understand why you’re closing if you treat all your customers the way you just treated me. I called a minute ago and a snippy little girl said ‘can you hold please?’ and hung up— er, put me on hold! That is not a way to treat customers. It is a way to turn them off! I wanted to give you my business but now I’m glad you’re closing. I hope you all lose your jobs!”

(We dodged a bullet, having to deal with that level of entitlement. But the joke is on her. We’re all being transferred to another location — and getting raises.)

The post We’re Closing Down For You appeared first on Funny & True Stories - Not Always Right.

(no subject)

May. 30th, 2017 12:00 am
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Posted by Not Always Right

High school|High school | Antioch, CA, USA

(In history class we’re playing a game where you have to answer a question, then call someone by name to answer the next question. Most of the class knows the names of a handful of people, but not everyone. My name is Aurora. A boy named Harris is answering the question.)

Harris: I pick… Aroya.

(No one answers. I’m looking at my notes and doesn’t know he means me.)

Harris: *sounding irritated* Aroya? Aroya? Helloooo?

Classmate: Aurora?

Me: Ohh. *looks up*

Harris: *rudely* Geez, finally you answer!

(I’m not bothered that he said my name wrong, but I’m annoyed that he’s blaming me for not responding when he’s the one who made the mistake.)

Me: …It’s “Aurora.”

Harris: Whatever! Nobody cares what your name is!!

Classmate #1: that’s rude…

Classmate #2: Yeah, how would you feel if everyone just called you the wrong name?

Harris: I wouldn’t care! It’s not worth getting upset about! Get over it!

Teacher: All right, Paris.

(The class laughs about this, and he tries to keep vehemently insisting that he totally doesn’t care until the teacher cuts him off to continue the activity. I just thought it was funny that he was trying to seem so edgy but most of the class seemed to agree he was being a rude idiot.)

The post appeared first on Funny & True Stories - Not Always Right.

(no subject)

May. 30th, 2017 12:00 am
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Posted by Not Always Right

outdoors|outdoors | balloch. scotland/netherlands

me and my bf are on vacation in scotland. We’re walking around town, talking about random stuff. The subject comes to misheard lyrics. Like when you misunderstand a song lyric for something funny or random. We’re near the cottage that we rent and see the owner walking his dog. note that we’re speaking Dutch, except when quoting a lyric, so i think things can be put out of context very quickly.

me: “singing song as misheard lyric.”” See the chainsaw in my cat. A butt-bee came out of this man!”

The cottage owner turns his gaze towards us, stunned and wtf’ed. He quickly turnes round the corner and my bf starts giggling.

bf: “I think he heard you and now he thinks you’re a psychomaniac.”

Fast foward a few years later, bf and me are at a concert of the band where i quoted the misheard lyric from. The song comes on and i hear a guy behind me singing on the top of his lungs: “see the chainsaw in my cat”
me and bf both stare at each other.

me: “how the F*** did he know that part??

He just shrugs and laughs. Really, that misheard lyric version is so unkown, i’m still surprised anyone even remembered it!

The post appeared first on Funny & True Stories - Not Always Right.

What A Concept(ion)

May. 30th, 2017 12:00 am
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Posted by Not Always Right

Home | USA

(After being dumped by my boyfriend on our anniversary, I took it a little hard and gained about 15 lbs from stress eating. This day, I’m in the kitchen with my then-four-year-old son who is just learning the differences in biological genders.)

Son: *pats my tummy* “Mommy, is this where babies come from?”

Me: “Yes, honey, it is.”

Son: “Are you going to have a baby?”

Me: *thinking about health problems that make conception difficult* “Oh, no, honey. I’ve just gained a little weight.” *big hug* “You’re probably the only baby I’ll ever have.”

Son: “Oh… Is that because you’re old and no one wants you and you’re probably going to die alone?”

(Blink. Blink. WTF, kid?)

The post What A Concept(ion) appeared first on Funny & True Stories - Not Always Right.

days and days

May. 30th, 2017 08:42 am
tielan: (Default)
[personal profile] tielan
[community profile] slowburnbigbang sounded good at first click for 'a practical acquaintance with bees' but then I discovered the 'slow burn' part isn't how long it takes you to write it, but the relationship's development.

It might work for the fake marriage story I'm writing?

--

I advance bought a novel by one of my favourite authors - Anne Calhoun, and the notification arrived in my inbox at 12:01am. I had it read by 2:30am. And then I got up at 6:30am to come to work.

Speaking of which, I actually have work to today. Guess I'd better get on that...

535: who needs sleep?

May. 29th, 2017 11:10 pm
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Posted by liz

Headed home from Wiscon after a hectic time at two conventions in two weeks.

It was intense and lovely and I’m a little bit emotional and overwhelmed. Looking forward to my own bed, missing folks like heck already!

The quick overview of MomoCon

May. 29th, 2017 06:16 pm
jennaria: Japanese kanji (with a heart) saying 'I heart yaoi!' (Generic Japanese)
[personal profile] jennaria
* Wife and I only went for Friday and Saturday. Total count: two autographs each, looked in at 10 panels total (noped out of one before it even started, snuck into two late because we wanted to see the following panel, snuck out of three before the end either to get to another panel or because the Q&A had hit the 'oh, fandom' point), and lots and lots of art. :halo:

Behind the cut: Favorite Unexpected Thing, Knew It Would Be Hell Yes, In Comparison, Largest Contingent of Cosplayers, a link to photos, and an overview of the Yuri on Ice-centric parts of the con! )

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