ysobel: (fail)
News at 11: isa is a fucked-up-in-the-head insecure clueless little penguin with many issues that are deeply entrenched.

Bonus news: prednisone doesn't actually make these things better.
ysobel: (Default)
depression very high right now. smothered in a blanket of lead and ice.

sorry i haven't kept up with reading / commenting -- i love you guys, i just am sucky friend right now.

...sorry.

otoh, I managed to actually write -- not much, just a snippet, because Arrival is burrowing into my brain -- spoilers for The Arrival ) -- which i'm pretty sure is the most writing i've done all year. woo?
ysobel: A bunny (bunny comics), on fire (on fire)
I am having stupid fucking nostalgia about who I used to be and what I used to be able to do

...someone today introduced me to Vitamin String Quartet, who are fucking awesome, but one of their covers was something from Phantom of the Opera, and even though I've listened to it bunches of times, usually in German, something about their arrangement tugged me back to hearing it in person; POTO was something that my college bff and I bonded over, as well as the second thing I really got involved in the fandom for (and that was kickoff to getting involved with Buffy fandom and it was all "downhill" from there), but also there was a non-touring production in SF that we went to at least 15 times in our four years because SF was close enough for an evening trip and because the theater wasn't entirely wheelchair accessible (no elevator) so they had to give us wheelchair seats (back of the orchestra) for the cheapest price because we couldn't get to the nosebleed seats, and if you give two POTO-obsessed teen/twentysomethings the opportunity to see POTO regularly and cheaply they're damn well going to take it

so emotional dump back into when I could move decently much and still still do things and when I ... I mean I had depression for 3/4 of the time and it was new and baffling and difficult, but not the trudging through life feeling of unending depression; back when I could still write and still do cross stitch and still thought I had the opportunuty for a job and a life and stuff

and I wasn't prepared for this at all, and now I can't stop crying at how pathetic I am now and his small my life has gotten

updates

Aug. 11th, 2016 02:15 pm
ysobel: (Default)
- doctor says my vit D levels are "fine" and I don't need to see her sooner than next month's appointment, & in the meantime take 1000-2000/day as maintenance. am doing 2k, and need to figure out if "a low end cut-off value of 30 ng/mL is considered to be appropriate for use in patients with disorders of bone and mineral metabolism per Endocrine Society guidelines." applies to FOP (i.e. whether it's "patients with disorders of (bone) and (mineral metabolism)" or "patients with disorders of (bone and mineral) metabolism".

- am under high stress right now -- biggest issue is that my roommate will be gone for 10 days; I have one of my aides set to stay overnight for that period but I'm still freaking out, because my roommate understands me in a way a lot of RL people don't, and I won't have her emotional support *and* there's no safety net if my aides flake or get sick, plus I’ll have to figure out dinners (she usually takes care of those); she’s going to be gone again in September for even longer -- and having frequent panic attacks and crying meltdowns

- which of course meant it was the ~perfect~ time to ask for feedback on an idea I've been playing with about tutoring math, because I'm in the ~best~ mental place to hear things like "yo not qualified to tutor K-12" and similar. oh yeah. brainweasels are having a field day.

- really need to get a coloring station set up so I can access supplies without help. I have a tv tray on wheels that needs raising and clearing off (of non-coloring stuff) but I only think of it when no one's around to help

Profile

ysobel: (Default)
masquerading as a man with a reason

July 2017

S M T W T F S
      1
23 45678
9101112131415
16171819202122
232425 26272829
3031     

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 28th, 2017 12:42 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios