Dec. 29th, 2016

ysobel: (Default)
Why is my brain. Seriously.

7pm: hey it’s bedtime ... you know you want to sleep ... here, I’ll help ... zzzz

9pm: oh hey we’re in bed, time to DO ALL THE THINGS

11pm: I AM NEVER SLEEPING AGAIN

the following morning: ughhh what was I thinking, must go to sleep sooner tonight

afternoon: so very groggy mehhhh can't wait for bed

7pm: hey it's bedtime ...

...

Every. Single. Fucking. Day.

The stupidest thing is I can’t tell if I’m groggy in the daytime because I’m oversleeping (and therefore would be better off trying to stay yo later to get less sleep) or undersleeping (and therefore would be better off trying to confiscate my own iPad at night). or if it's entirely just fucking meds.

Well, no, that’s the second stupidest. The actual stupidest is being tired until I get in bed and then being wide awake. Wtf is that anyway. I mean, it’s not just a matter of “bed is more comfortable so I choose to spend the last few hours of my day on bed”; I actually end up half falling asleep on my aide while they’re putting me to bed. And then am awake. Because that makes so much sense.

It used to be that 10 was early for me to go to bed -- and now I wilt by like 7 or 8. Until I'm in bed. But I think I'm still really half wilted, because I think my body needs to be in bed even when my brain isn't ready, but I dont have any stamina any more.

And I think it would be a bit different if I could get in and out of bed by myself, or if I didn't have someone coming at a fixed time to get me up on the morning, but the whole thing is just ,,, frustrating and I don't understand it way.

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ysobel: (Default)
masquerading as a man with a reason

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