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I have too much Stuff, and I ... don't particularly like it.
I definitely have hoarding tendencies, both genetic -- on both sides of the family -- and personal. I like to keep stuff. And I like to have stuff around just in case. Of what, I don't always know.
The problem is, it looks cluttery, it FEELS cluttery, and I have very few usable horizontal surfaces, and I'm getting a bit frustrated. (Said frustration not helped by the whole thing where I can't actually do cleaning or organizing myself, and the times when I have someone around able and willing to do the physical parts -- especially if I want someone that respects my boundaries of what is important to me to keep -- rarely coincides with when I am in a mental place suitable for doing the decisions
I have been trying to come up with a mental categorization of stuff I have, and their relevant statuses, and have come up with the following categories, in no particular order:
Books: self evident. Some are definite keepers, some are ones I want to read before donating, some are ready for donation but need weeding out (especially since I am gravitating towards ebooks). Oddly the hardest category for me to figure out is reference materials, anything from textbooks from college and high school, to folklore and mythology, to things I might need for writing. The ones that I can obviously get rid of, e.g. web design books from the late 90s, are hard to figure out how to dispose of because no one else wants them either. Also my book collection desperately needs organizing, and I sort of wish I had room to just get a bunch of giant boxes set up in the living room, take books off the shelves and categorize as I go, and then put them back up by box.
Knitting supplies: yarn, more yarn, needles/hooks, etc. Generally stuff I want to keep. Biggest issue is the yarn I "inherited" from various sources that I don't want to get rid of in case I ever need it but don't use very much. (Just-in-case hoarding logic is one of my downfalls.)
Cross-stitch supplies: some patterns, some kits, a lot of WIPs. I am conflicted about this. On the one hand, I physically can't do cross-stitch at all any more. On the other hand, I miss the hell out of it and am clinging to desperate if unrealistic hope that I can figure out some way to manage it. So, okay, the unused (non-kit) fabric and the unopened kits can be rehomed with very little fuss on my part. The opened kits -- not finished, but at varying levels of completion -- I'm not as sure about. But the ones I have an emotional attachment to? I can't get rid of them, I just can't.
Other crafting supplies: origami supplies and art supplies. The origami books can be re-homed, if I can find them; ditto the origami paper. Art supplies can mostly be re-homed but I want to keep colored pencils around. Only problem is finding/isolating art supplies because they're all jumbled with other stuff.
Durable medical equipment: bulky but can't really get rid of.
Papers that are emotionally significant: cards and letters, mainly, and I have problems getting rid of that sort of thing. Sometimes it's because there's a cute or pretty picture/design; sometimes it's from someone I care about; I really need to figure out a good storage system, so that I can hang on to them without them getting in the way.
Papers that might be important: receipts, medical visit summaries, mail from social security or in home support services, etc.
Food: non refrigerated stuff, particularly snacks and candy. I tend to get stuff and then not eat it -- not on purpose, it's just that I can't actually get stuff out myself, and usually when I want a snack no one is around to help me (and if someone is I have to combat the shame/awkwardness of admitting to wanting something that isn't Healthy). And then I have stuff that is old enough to be not worth keeping but I feel awkward about having people judge me, either for having the stuff in the first place or for not eating it, so I don't get rid of it. Augh. If I had enough mobility to be able to bag stuff up myself... but I don't.
--
So here are the problems I've identified that keep me from getting stuff clean:
- lack of organizational system (and for lack of a proper place to put stuff, it just piles up)
- stuff is all jumbled together (so e.g. dealing with art supplies wouldn't be a problem except that it's in several different places and mixed in with important papers and unimportant papers and whatever)
- shame / fear of judgment
- limited mental endurance for sorting or for judging what to keep and what to toss (compounded by the fact that I have to coordinate with others so can't just clean when I feel like it and stop when I feel like it
- a very strong tendency to not want to get rid of something as I'm sorting even though the only time I remember or care that I have it is when I'm sorting
...bleh.
I. I don't like my place the way it is, I have way too much shit, and I haven't got any fucking clue how to fix it.
(This entry is partly just me talking stuff out, but suggestions or comments are more than welcome)
I definitely have hoarding tendencies, both genetic -- on both sides of the family -- and personal. I like to keep stuff. And I like to have stuff around just in case. Of what, I don't always know.
The problem is, it looks cluttery, it FEELS cluttery, and I have very few usable horizontal surfaces, and I'm getting a bit frustrated. (Said frustration not helped by the whole thing where I can't actually do cleaning or organizing myself, and the times when I have someone around able and willing to do the physical parts -- especially if I want someone that respects my boundaries of what is important to me to keep -- rarely coincides with when I am in a mental place suitable for doing the decisions
I have been trying to come up with a mental categorization of stuff I have, and their relevant statuses, and have come up with the following categories, in no particular order:
Books: self evident. Some are definite keepers, some are ones I want to read before donating, some are ready for donation but need weeding out (especially since I am gravitating towards ebooks). Oddly the hardest category for me to figure out is reference materials, anything from textbooks from college and high school, to folklore and mythology, to things I might need for writing. The ones that I can obviously get rid of, e.g. web design books from the late 90s, are hard to figure out how to dispose of because no one else wants them either. Also my book collection desperately needs organizing, and I sort of wish I had room to just get a bunch of giant boxes set up in the living room, take books off the shelves and categorize as I go, and then put them back up by box.
Knitting supplies: yarn, more yarn, needles/hooks, etc. Generally stuff I want to keep. Biggest issue is the yarn I "inherited" from various sources that I don't want to get rid of in case I ever need it but don't use very much. (Just-in-case hoarding logic is one of my downfalls.)
Cross-stitch supplies: some patterns, some kits, a lot of WIPs. I am conflicted about this. On the one hand, I physically can't do cross-stitch at all any more. On the other hand, I miss the hell out of it and am clinging to desperate if unrealistic hope that I can figure out some way to manage it. So, okay, the unused (non-kit) fabric and the unopened kits can be rehomed with very little fuss on my part. The opened kits -- not finished, but at varying levels of completion -- I'm not as sure about. But the ones I have an emotional attachment to? I can't get rid of them, I just can't.
Other crafting supplies: origami supplies and art supplies. The origami books can be re-homed, if I can find them; ditto the origami paper. Art supplies can mostly be re-homed but I want to keep colored pencils around. Only problem is finding/isolating art supplies because they're all jumbled with other stuff.
Durable medical equipment: bulky but can't really get rid of.
Papers that are emotionally significant: cards and letters, mainly, and I have problems getting rid of that sort of thing. Sometimes it's because there's a cute or pretty picture/design; sometimes it's from someone I care about; I really need to figure out a good storage system, so that I can hang on to them without them getting in the way.
Papers that might be important: receipts, medical visit summaries, mail from social security or in home support services, etc.
Food: non refrigerated stuff, particularly snacks and candy. I tend to get stuff and then not eat it -- not on purpose, it's just that I can't actually get stuff out myself, and usually when I want a snack no one is around to help me (and if someone is I have to combat the shame/awkwardness of admitting to wanting something that isn't Healthy). And then I have stuff that is old enough to be not worth keeping but I feel awkward about having people judge me, either for having the stuff in the first place or for not eating it, so I don't get rid of it. Augh. If I had enough mobility to be able to bag stuff up myself... but I don't.
--
So here are the problems I've identified that keep me from getting stuff clean:
- lack of organizational system (and for lack of a proper place to put stuff, it just piles up)
- stuff is all jumbled together (so e.g. dealing with art supplies wouldn't be a problem except that it's in several different places and mixed in with important papers and unimportant papers and whatever)
- shame / fear of judgment
- limited mental endurance for sorting or for judging what to keep and what to toss (compounded by the fact that I have to coordinate with others so can't just clean when I feel like it and stop when I feel like it
- a very strong tendency to not want to get rid of something as I'm sorting even though the only time I remember or care that I have it is when I'm sorting
...bleh.
I. I don't like my place the way it is, I have way too much shit, and I haven't got any fucking clue how to fix it.
(This entry is partly just me talking stuff out, but suggestions or comments are more than welcome)
no subject
For storage: Ikea shelves?
For "a very strong tendency to not want to get rid of something as I'm sorting even though the only time I remember or care that I have it is when I'm sorting": a good trick to convince yourself that something is get-riddable-of is to, while going through an area, make a box for "stuff I know I should get rid of but WHAT IF I NEED IT AS SOON AS I THROW IT OUT". Put everything in it. Tape or otherwise secure the lid. Label the box with month and year -- not contents. Do not open the box unless you need something in it (no looking "just to see what's in there"). In [6 months/a year/whatever], if you haven't opened the box to get something that was in it that you needed, throw the box out without opening it again to refresh your memory of what's in there.
For "stuff is all jumbled together", there's really no good solution for that other than designating a Place for every category of Stuff, then moving/having people move Stuff that is not in its Place every time you see it. This does, alas, take a lot of setup work to move things around, but can often be combined with many of the aforementioned steps.
no subject
(I also like the idea of her "date and toss" box, I've just never had the nerve to actually do it. What's worked for me i having a "resort on date x" box / space, which gets things that I'm not using regularly corralled and out of the way for a period, and sorting and re-sorting through I get rid of more things each time. I've also just got more comfortable over time with letting things go and having faith in myself and the universe that in the unlikely situation where I do need X again, I'll be able to find another one / work around the issue / deal and be fine)
Is this something you can talk about with anyone, and get some solid ground rules set up before you start sorting *anything*? That you make the decisions, and that the session stops after n items / z time / when you say "enough" whichever comes first, so you have that element of control to stop when you've had enough for now?
I can't say enough about the value of starting small. My partner is a borderline clinical horder has been plugging away at the issue for several years now, and literally starting with "decide about one thing per day" has helped, both on process and absolutely on the volume and chaos of the Stuff. One thing, five things, five minutes, what you can process in the time it takes fo the kettle to boil. All progress is better than not. (Also, starting with spaces that you see a lot / spaces that really bug you, so you get to appreciate the rewards of seeing the chaos level drop where you notice them most.)
One thing that's helped us with that small-steps approach was thinking out some systems to stop things getting worse, and so that define some spaces that things can get sorted in to with minimal friction. So, to take your two categories of papers and post - the emotionally significant and the reference paperwork stuff. I've always had a hard time keeping on top of paperwork, and my parter had a huge backlog of unsorted (often unopened) mail, and there's always more coming in... The thing that worked was designating a crate for My Paperwork and Partner's Paperwork, near the spot where post comes into the house, next to a recycling bin (and the later refinement was a shredder). All post coming in to the building either gets opened and dumped into either the bin/shredder or the box as it comes in. All papers that are turned up by gradually whittling down a pile also go into the box, or the bin. Over time, we've ended up with 99% of the papers are in those boxes. This isn't a perfect filing system by any means, BUT! It's way better than the previous status quo, and if we need to refer back to something, we can start by just sorting through one box, rather than all over the whole house. I tend to periodically sit down and sort through my box, and seperate out files by topic, but my partner has decided on a pure chronology approach, and periodically dumps a year's worth of paperwork into archive storage, on the grounds that if he needs a gas bill from 2013, he can look through 2013 as easily as he could through a file of gas bills - that approach has the added value of being something eminantly outsourceable with the instruction "put this box of papers into date order, newest at the top" rather than anything that needs more knowledge or judgement. I don't know if something like this could work with the layout of your house, but could 'mail to be read' "official papers" and "memory box" crates be a starting point? (Maybe something like this could work for the art supplies, too, so there's a place for things to collect in as you turn them up)
Also, thing I realised as soon as I wasn't the only person involved any more - actual physical visible labelling of Places For Stuff helps way more than I thought it would.
Sorry - this is a topic near and dear to my heart, and I fear that this may be a bit of a WALL OF TEXT.
no subject
I wonder if there's a reasonable way to take some of the non-refrigerated snacks and have someone pre-put snack-sized servings of them into containers that you can get & open yourself, if such a creature exists?
The cluster of diabetic kids next door who were on a strict diet were allowed carefully measured desserts from time to time. Because humans like dessert. And their dad (who is a doctor) saw no reason to deny that part of human experience to them, even though it would mean compensating with the insulin dose. Even though there was totally a medical reason to say no forever, he said yes sometimes, just he had to know about it. So I think you're allowed. :) <3 <3 <3