not a fic

[ysobel]

So I watched lion king

and I kind of want fic where, like

Yes, Simba took his place as king, and it felt *right* in the aftermath of the battle with Rafiki (who is female in the Broadway play so my headcanon is now that they're some flavor of genderqueer) urging him on and the lionesses all roaring in support for him, but then there's this creeping insecurity and malaise

and lions do not have a word for depression, but both nala and sarabe recognize the same bleak greyness in him that had been what the pridelands were under scar

so finally nala confronts him about wtf is going on, and he evades for a while but she's more stubborn than he is so he finally admits that he's afraid he'll fuck things up again

and somehow she finally gets him to talk about what happened the day he "died", and he tells her even though -- or maybe because -- he's convinced she'll hate him as much as he hates himself

and she's like, how is it your fault mufasa died, you keep saying that but

and he looks at her like she's sprouted horns and says he died saving me

and eventually he says all the relevant pieces -- not just that scar told him to run because it was his fault, but that scar had told gij to wait in the gorge

and nala says slowly, so it's scars fault

and simba protests that no, scar wasn't there, and anyway scar is ... was ... his uncle, he wouldn't --

and nala is like, you weren't here, he brought the hyenas in not even five minutes after arriving with the news of your deaths, he had to have planned this somehow

and simba protests that he can't have planned the stampede--

Can't he? nala retorts. Scar *wasn't nice*. I don't put it past him to ... set you up. Hope you died in the stampede

and simba protests half heartedly that scar had cared about him, even warned him about the elephant graveyard and said *not* to go, he didn't want me hurt

and mala says, is he the one who told you about the elephant graveyard

Yes -- well, no, my dad -- my dad was showing me the kingdom, and asked about the shadowy region but he wouldn't say what it was. Scar just said what it was, but --

and nala says quietly, remember scar was working with hyenas.

and simba finally gets it

and it doesn't fix what's messed up in his head, because he has trauma plus years of running away from the truth to deal with, and because depression doesn't just go away, but

uh

yeah

Apologies for any typos, it's late and I should be asleep and I can't see well, and iPad autocorrect is a nincompoop