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I wonder
...how much of my lack-of-reaction to the FOP thing is that it's in no way either my fault or my responsibility.
Diabetic shit comes with an expectation of ~lyfestyle changes~ (...that first y was a precaffeinated typo but I'm letting it stand lol). My team is decent about balancing mental health, but there's still the expectations. Eat right, count carbs, exercise (lol). And on one hand, I get that high blood sugar can damage the body, that it's important to keep things under control as much as possible --
-- but my goodness, the *morality*. It's all tangled up with good and bad, with compliance and noncompliance. And my brainweasels are very good at morality shoulds, at whispering that if I had just been more strict with a kale-and-cardboard diet I wouldn't be needing metformin, that I'm bad for "letting myself go", etc. (...and as usual I hold myself to stricter standards than other people; none of that applies to those of y'all in similar situations.)
But the flareup? I didn't cause it, I couldn't have prevented it, and my main job getting through it is to stay comfortable. Not "good", not "proper", just *comfortable*.
It's almost a relief.
Diabetic shit comes with an expectation of ~lyfestyle changes~ (...that first y was a precaffeinated typo but I'm letting it stand lol). My team is decent about balancing mental health, but there's still the expectations. Eat right, count carbs, exercise (lol). And on one hand, I get that high blood sugar can damage the body, that it's important to keep things under control as much as possible --
-- but my goodness, the *morality*. It's all tangled up with good and bad, with compliance and noncompliance. And my brainweasels are very good at morality shoulds, at whispering that if I had just been more strict with a kale-and-cardboard diet I wouldn't be needing metformin, that I'm bad for "letting myself go", etc. (...and as usual I hold myself to stricter standards than other people; none of that applies to those of y'all in similar situations.)
But the flareup? I didn't cause it, I couldn't have prevented it, and my main job getting through it is to stay comfortable. Not "good", not "proper", just *comfortable*.
It's almost a relief.