ysobel | Entries tagged with food problems

so for a long time peanut butter has been one of my "safe foods" that's a frequent meal option, but my flatmate is allergic (to both peanuts and nuts)... I don't ever ask her to do pb stuff, but I feel guilty even using it in the same apartment.

Recently I got sunflower butter to see if that works as a substitute, and I tried it in a sandwich today. It's ... edible but not the same at all, either flavor or texture. The only non-peanut non-nut thing I've /ever/ found that works texturally is cookie butter, which tastes amazing but doesn't have a good protein base. (I just checked ... the pb I like has 7g protein per 2tbsp, cookie butter is 2g.)

I don't know what to do. I want to be respectful and avoid allergens ... and I also want peanut butter.

(cry)

Content note: medical stuff, not too graphic. Also part of the entry mentions food intake, and references to a previous medical recommendation re calories, but there will be a cut for that.

Sunday evening I crashed right after going to bed, which I thought was just a worse than usual version of the mini-crashes I figured out were Probably Autism, but those I usually perk up from, and this ... not so much. By Monday it had rolled into headache plus nausea plus fatigue plus brain fog plus chills plus light/noise sensitivity. I did a COVID test (negative) and then just tried to survive the day.

...which turned into week...

Tuesday I took my last imitrex but it was out of date. By afternoon the nausea was worse to the point of throwing up multiple times, and then after I went to bed the chills shifted to epic sweating (soaking pillows and sheets within 3 hours). Also I'm pretty sure I hallucinated a smell at one point? Spicy sausage gravy, when no one was cooking? ...anyway. Since then things have been slowly getting better but my appetite has been off, my capacity to eat/drink has been off, temperature self-regulation has been wonky, energy low, and still the sensitivity to light and sound and still headache -- though oddly intermittent and pretty low-key, thank fuck. (I have brain fog but not the pain so strong it's overwhelming.)

I have looped my doctor in, yes. Not until today but I kept hoping it would just go away. I also seem to have ingrained a "feeling shitty is just something you endure" thing where I don't want to bother my doctor (and things like medication don't occur) that I need to poke at sometime.

Here's where I start talking about food, and calories are not specifically counted but I add snark about a previous doctor recommendation that suggests it. Feel free to skip. If you are on the entry page where there's no cut, skim for bold text.

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I think/hope I'm trending upward at this point. Don't really know though.

...how much of my lack-of-reaction to the FOP thing is that it's in no way either my fault or my responsibility.

Diabetic shit comes with an expectation of ~lyfestyle changes~ (...that first y was a precaffeinated typo but I'm letting it stand lol). My team is decent about balancing mental health, but there's still the expectations. Eat right, count carbs, exercise (lol). And on one hand, I get that high blood sugar can damage the body, that it's important to keep things under control as much as possible --

-- but my goodness, the *morality*. It's all tangled up with good and bad, with compliance and noncompliance. And my brainweasels are very good at morality shoulds, at whispering that if I had just been more strict with a kale-and-cardboard diet I wouldn't be needing metformin, that I'm bad for "letting myself go", etc. (...and as usual I hold myself to stricter standards than other people; none of that applies to those of y'all in similar situations.)

But the flareup? I didn't cause it, I couldn't have prevented it, and my main job getting through it is to stay comfortable. Not "good", not "proper", just *comfortable*.

It's almost a relief.

CW: food, dieting, self harm

( Read more... )

gah

want my robot body already

cw: food shame, food-health relationship, things like that

( Read more... )

Crossposts: http://isabeau.livejournal.com/1471982.html

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i hear the voices when I'm dreaming

Entries tagged with food problems

I hate allergies

This last week, ugh

I wonder

Disentangling

...food stuff, sorta

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