ysobel | (no subject)

Why is it that doing Adulty Shit doesn't ever feel good or satisfying, just necessary?

...one of my aides posted tonight at 10:30pm looking for someone to cover his shift because his professor assigned a shitton more work, but his shift tomorrow morning, is in 12 hours. So I had to post a comment to his request saying that he needs to come in if he doesn't get a confirmation of someone covering (which is a policy I am explicit about), but it took 20 minutes of dithering because I really just wanted to pretend I hadn't seen it, and hope it worked out tomorrow. Which... is unlikely, because no matter how many times I tell aides they're responsible for assigned shifts and that just "making it available" on the scheduling website we use (allows shift swaps etc) isn't enough, people always want to just release their shift and forget. If I didn't have dogs I would be tempted to just leave it be and at worst stay in bed until the following shift that starts at 2, but I can't do that to Phoebe and Yahtzee.

So I eventually left the comment but I just feel like crap. High brain knows I did the necessary thing, but low brain is freaking out.

And tomorrow I have to make phone calls, and I donwanna, but i have to, but I don't get dopamine from completing tasks, just frustration that it took as long as it did to gear myself up

Mrrr.