ysobel | (no subject)

The down side to neuropsych assessment (rather than psychiatrist) is that I am now in the limbo of Waiting.

This also includes a) endlessly re-combing through everything I said, b) fretting about the things I forgot to say (like how the duck did I forget misophonia as one of the sensory issues argh), c) wondering if I acted adhd enough, d) lamenting how well my memory did (I mean okay adrenaline helps but I feel weird going in with "working memory not working" as one of the complaints and then being able to recite seven digits backwards, though of course I don't know if I got them right), e) wanting to message them with some of the things I have thought of since (either stuff I forgot or complaints about the way shit was worded -- there was a question on the order of "when you see mountains do you think about how they were carefully crafted" or something like that, and like fuck no because careful and crafting are not words that go with mountains, it's ducking plate tectonics with things slamming into other things in slow motion, it's really fucking fascinating how mountains are formed but carefully crafted is not the right term, so I answered no but maybe I should have answered yes because I don't know the why behind the question), f) worrying that I was too smart for any adhd to come through (which intellectually is kind of ridiculous but also there's the whole ~you can't be adhd if you did well in school~ thing, g) wanting it to be results time already (follow up is scheduled for April 9), and h) wanting to hide under the bed.

Um.

On the bright side, I did send several (way overdue) emails today, so yay me.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I see the autocorrect demon has been flirting with waterfowl again.

If you just copy and paste this entire post into an email, I'm sure it'll give them all the extra context they need. Not, I think, that they're likely to need much extra context.

Good luck <3

Hopefully you had a decent neuropsych who can see underlying symptoms even when you're behaving and/or acting high-functioning.

Also I've sat here thinking about that mountain question, and I'm more and more annoyed about it. What does that even mean?

Edited 2021-03-18 05:50 (UTC)

e) wanting to message them with some of the things I have thought of since (either stuff I forgot or complaints about the way shit was worded

FWIW, some of the badly-worded questions on things come about because they're using standard scales which have been validated in that form, and therefore can't be changed/updated without re-validating them as new measurement tools.

So they may well know that some of the questions are badly-worded or outdated or just inappropriate to your context, but they still have to keep using them because that's the most relevant assessment tool they've got.

During the ENSEMBLE 2 screening process, I had to fill out a questionnaire about risk factors in my life/work, which wanted to know whether I lived in a "condo" (neither I or the nurse was 100% sure we had the definition of that right); another option was living on tribal land (not something that exists in the UK).

One of my absolute favourites is the Zuckermann sensation-seeking scale, which still gets used from time to time, and which (unless it's been updated since I last saw it), enquires about whether you would be interested in meeting "persons who are homosexual", how you feel about "swingers", and whether you would like to make friends "in some of the 'far-out' groups like artists or 'punks.'" It's also very concerned about whether you are bold and thrill-seeking enough to enjoy abstract paintings.

A condo is like an apartment (flat?) but instead of renting your unit, you own it.

It's also very concerned about whether you are bold and thrill-seeking enough to enjoy abstract paintings.

Good heavens, I think I need to retire to my fainting couch.

I am sure you could send some info in a follow up letter or email! I don't think there would be anything wrong with that. Fingers crossed you get some useful info!!!

Is the purpose of this to diagnose any conditions you may have? I missed that part and I am unfamiliar with this type of clinician.

Hah yeah context would help :) I'm trying to get a diagnosis for adhd, because a) I'm pretty sure I have inattentive adhd, and b) my brain is very much not working, which is partly pandemic brain but also partly pandemic stress stripping away any coping mechanisms. I messaged my doctor about maybe trying adhd meds like vyvanse (which my sister is on) to see if that will help, but she didn't want to do that. She did, at least, pursue referrals, though at the same time insisting there's not much point for various not-actually-logical reasons.

As far as I can tell there's two ways to do adhd diagnosis referral, psychiatrist or neuropsychology. My doctor went with neuropsych. The visit I had Monday was partly adhd specific -- talking about why I was there and my symptoms and stuff -- and partly a general cognitive assessment.

I probably won't know anything until the followup appt on April 9, and I'm kind of ... doing a lot of "why did I say X" and "did I forget to mention Y" and "what if I didn't act adhd enough" and "it feels weird to go in saying I'm having working memory issues and then be able to do stuff involving working memory, what if they think I'm not telling the truth, what if what if what if" and generally working myself into a tizzy. But I also really like knowing things and so getting an assessment on my brain is going to be interesting even if it doesn't have the intended result.

Thank you so much! And wishing you all the best! My son has ADD and took vyvanse for a while and also a generic Ritalin. It really helped him in high school but once he got to college he stopped taking it, to my chagrin, but it was his choice. He still doesn't take it but now he has a job where it's not as much of a drawback -- he is an electrician.

I am sure now that I have learned about it because of the kid that my ex has undiagnosed ADD. Once I figured that out, it explained SO MUCH.

Wishing you all the best as you pursue your answers. I am glad your doctor was at least willing to do the referral even if dubious themself.