Okay that sucked

Had a video chat with my primary care doc.

In her perception of the world:

* doctors always look for signs of autism and adhd in children
* it is rare if not impossible for anyone to get through school without all appropriate diagnoses
* this includes dyslexia (oh my god the skepticism in her voice when she was telling me about another patient of hers that ~thinks she has dyslexia~ despite having gotten ~all the way to grad school~)
* adhd meds are stimulants and work the same way on all brains so giving adhd meds to an adhd person will cause more problems than it's worth
* because I am not in school and do not work, there is absolutely zero reason to pursue a diagnosis
* (when I pointed out that it's not just a matter of "I can't do things I need to do" but "I can't even do things I WANT to do" she said that it would be ridiculous to put me on meth so I can watch a movie)
* adults with adhd don't take meds anyway, except maybe as-needed if they're in an exceptionally stimulating environment
* I am only having these problems because of increasing physical limitations and also anxiety (even though I've said several times that the behaviors and thought patterns go back to childhood, pre-dating even the existence of my depression)
* my existing diagnoses (FOP and anxiety) are all I need to get adequate support (ahahahahahaha)

I just ... ::flails incoherently::

Oh, and she was baffled by the hostility (actually desperation) in my responses because her telling me all this was just her, like, explaining the roadblocks I might face, and she's just the messenger. Even though none of it was phrased as "you might get resistance because xyz", it was all "xyz is absolute fact and also your needs don't matter because you don't work"

She's usually really good about stuff. Just ... not this.