![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png){kind=small}
notalwaysright_feedRead PowerPointless Leadership
Our office manager is responsible for presenting the financial report to the whole team, plus senior managers, each month. Each slide is provided by a department manager whom she manages directly. Each month, it becomes more and more obvious she's given each slide just a cursory glance.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kraitnotalwaysright_feed
I am selling a safe, worth about $2,000 new, on an online marketplace. It's listed for $800.
Potential Buyer: "Is it still available?"
Me: "Yes."
Potential Buyer: "$500."
notalwaysright_feed
Son: *In doorway.* "Dad! Do you think this stuff up beforehand or something?"
Me: "No, all spur of the moment!"
Son: "While I am in awe of your ability to be spontaneously irritating, it's also f****** annoying, okay?" *Goes back to the kitchen.*
conuly posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
agonyauntconulycakewrecks_feed"A Typical Day Of John Checking E-Mail"
Dear [REDACTED],
Thank you for choosing Cake Wrecks for such an important occasion! I'd be delighted to offer you a quote, but first let me show you a few of our most popular Sesame Street cakes, so you can pick out your favorite.
(Please note that for copyright reasons we can't actually call these Sesame Street characters, but I'm sure our versions will look VERY familiar. ;))
"Huge Bird"
"Oreo Monster"
"Trash Head"
aka "Mr. Can-'Do"
And "Petrified Elro"
Or for a little extra, you can get all four characters together!
[plastic faces not included]
We also have some new "Bieber-licious" character cookies your son is sure to love:
Prices vary depending on the cake's size, flavor, and age, so just let us know how many people you'd like to feed and how picky you are about "freshness." Delivery is free within a twenty mile radius, but keep in mind our delivery guy moonlights as a mobile pet groomer, so there's always a SLIGHT chance of pet hair - but really, that almost never happens. (Which reminds me: Billy gives our customers a 15% discount! Just FYI.)
Let me know which cake you'd prefer, and thanks again for choosing Cake Wrecks!
- john (the hubby of Jen)
***
Thanks to Todd T, Julie B., David & Debbie B., Jennifer G., Anony M., & Cynthia for actually making it through our contact page without thinking we make all these cakes ourselves.
*****
And from my other blog, Epbot:
notalwaysright_feed
Guy: "So, you work at the movie theater?"
Host: "Yeah. I've always loved the movies, so it's a fun job for me."
Guy: "I used to go, but movies are all s*** these days. All that woke crap."
notalwaysright_feedRead Curb Your Entitlement, Part 2
Customer: "Why are there no open slots?!"
Me: "We're very busy this morning, as you can see, ma'am. When is your pickup time?"
Customer: "It was for 8 AM, but I was busy."
She's two hours late for her pickup time.
notalwaysright_feedRead Hungry Hungry HIPAA
Caller: "I need to know my medical results."
Me: "May I please have your name, date of birth, and your policy number or address?"
Caller: "Ooooh! I have all that ready to go! I know you need all that because otherwise it would be a hippo violation, right?"
Read Hungry Hungry HIPAA
notalwaysright_feed
Customer: "I'll be right back. I just want to take this call outside, but my jacket is on the seat."
Then, without waiting for an answer, he walks out the door. Fifteen minutes later, he’s gone and nowhere in sight.
notalwaysright_feedThe coffee shop I like to go to has four-person tables on a very spacious outdoor patio, with lots of room between tables. There are no benches on this patio or chairs that aren’t at tables. I settle at one table and start working on my laptop. After a while, a woman preoccupied with her […]
notalwaysright_feedAuthor of this story and the related ones again. https://notalwaysright.com/pops-just-makes-you-want-to-pop/361560/ Here’s another story about the difficulties of sharing Dad’s car with him. Dad had an air compressor. He wanted me to learn how to use it, but I simply couldn’t… the noise it made was far too loud, trapped in a small garage that made […]
notalwaysright_feedI work at the front desk of a hotel. We have a phone with a wireless headset, which makes it much easier to handle, as we need our hands to type/write things down/look up things in the system/… Unfortunately this happens way more often than one would think: Me: *on the phone with somebody, talking, […]
notalwaysright_feedRead Off The Clock And Off The Hook
Customer: "Are there any other checkouts?"
Me: "No."
And I continued walking. The customer tried to stop me.
Customer: "I asked you a question!"
notalwaysright_feedMy mother just applied for food stamps, as we currently have no income. We got approved rather quickly. Problem is, our living situation was nonviable, and we were forced to move elsewhere, while the card was in transit. My mother called government assistance and tried to change the address and get the ‘in-transit’ card cancelled, […]
rydra_wongFinally, someone I’m sure none of you have ever heard of, because she’s a new Canadian author published by the tiny Bumblepuppy Press, and by the time you read this, her books will be prohibitively expensive due to tariffs. Rachel Rosen, whose ongoing Sleep of Reason trilogy (the second book has only just been released) depicts a future climate-ravaged world in which demons stalk the Rockies and so-called “MAIs” (Magic-Affected Individuals) are used by Canadian politicians to plan their campaigns. Canada falls into dictatorship in the first book; the Resistance hangs on by its fingernails in the second. There are Earthquakes and opera singers and prison camps for human experimentation. There’s a sapient tech-bro submarine. I don’t know how many non-Canadians these books might resonate with, but I’ll bet that number is increasing daily, down below the 49th at least. I would not have believed that a fantasy novel could be so depressingly relevant.
notalwaysright_feed - PowerPointless Leadershipkrait - Technical Difficultiesnotalwaysright_feed - Safe To Say He Was Brokenotalwaysright_feed - Bark Side Of The Moonconuly in agonyaunt - (no subject)huxleyenne in fic_promptly - Monday, May 25 - Oxymoronconuly - There is a funny side, but seriously?cakewrecks_feed - A Cake Wrecks Correspondencenotalwaysright_feed - You, Sir, Are Myth Takennotalwaysright_feed - Curb Your Entitlement, Part 2notalwaysright_feed - (no subject)notalwaysright_feed - Hungry Hungry HIPAAnotalwaysright_feed - (no subject)notalwaysright_feed - Pocket Full Of Regretnotalwaysright_feed - (no subject)notalwaysright_feed - (no subject)notalwaysright_feed - (no subject)notalwaysright_feed - Off The Clock And Off The Hooknotalwaysright_feed - (no subject)rydra_wong - While I continue to yell about Cascade and Blightbranchandroot