i hear the voices when I'm dreaming

I'm lying here listening to wrath of khan soundtrack and having All The Damn Feels.

Kinda afraid to watch the new trek series because I get the impression it includes Spock (( spoilers )) and I'm afraid they'll mess things up more -- I liked the 2009 Trek AOS but the sesquicentennial
I'm not sure why my tablet thought I meant that instead of sequels .... sequels not so much, and I've ridiculous amounts feels for TOS Spock and so it's like teenager me being all heart-eyes inside and I don't want them to ruin that because teenager me has so few things remaining

and wrath of khan -- plus the sort of trilogy that is WOK/SFS/VH (whales!) -- is solidly my favorite trek movie

I miss my writing and the trek fics I had going
I miss 2009
I miss me
I miss
...

So I apparently went through a phase in high school where I kept insisting I was half Vulcan. I don't remember to what extent I thought I was joking; my mom says I was adamant about it. It was more than just being obsessed with Spock (which also happened, because Spock is awesome), it was actually saying/pretending/believing/whatever that I was half Vulcan. (The sort that looked human, because no pointy ears here.)

Fast forward to today, when my TNG rewatch continues, and I get to the episode Hero Worship, wherein a human kid that survives a traumatic incident that kills everyone else on his spaceship basically imprints on Data and starts maintaining that he is an android, and talking/acting as though he is. The show is not really very subtle about the whole "androids can't experience emotions, he wants to escape his fear / terror / bad memories / trauma, being an android allows him to do that for a while" thing.

And something clicked in me. Because Vulcans are (at least in theory) good at *suppressing* emotion, and replacing with logic, and while they tend to be imperfect at it, there is the whole theme of struggling to overcome emotion. And I was at the time dealing with a whole bunch of shit -- high school is stressful, puberty and associated change is stressful (even though I didn't have any sexual complications going on), surgery and chemo and similar things are stressful, scary untreatable progressive medical conditions are stressful -- and ... yeah.

Huh.

1) TNG rewatch. Am up to mid season 4, and I am seriously considering skipping the current episode. It's one that I vaguely recall being displeased with back when I was super obsessed with TNG, and I was ... totally clueless about some of the things involved. Now it's just EW DO NOT WANT.

( explanation, with content warnings for skeevy gender-based interactions )

2) TNG rewatch, less specifically but in context of disability representation. TNG is pretty good, as far as things go, about gender balance and race balance -- not perfect by any means, but it is not entirely (straight) white males. There is, for example, a recurring black female transporter chief. With lines, even.

It won't win any awards for being the best at these things -- the command staff is still mostly white male humans -- but it's miles better than, say, Reboot.

But disabilitywise...

There is Geordie, yes. There are things that verge on non-visible disabilities, like Data's lack of emotion or like the time(s) Troi loses her empathic powers or like various forms of PTSD. There is a reference by Picard to an instructor he had at the Academy who used a wheelchair. And ...

...

nothing else, at least not that I've encountered. And I want more, dammit.

3) SW:TOR. I stopped playing for a while, and desubscribed, so I count as a FTP user. (Well, Preferred, but still.) And I've gone back, but as a free user there are so many *restrictions*. Some of it is fine, like having access to stuff at level 10 rather than level 1, or restricted access to PvP stuff I don't care about.

But.

( whine )

There is a part of me that wants to resubscribe to get the game the way I remember it being.

There is a part of me that resents being not-very-subtly maneuvered into it.

And of course I don't know if my interest will *last*.

4) My total lack of interest in GW2. I can't explain it. I should want to play. I just ... don't.

5) The fact that it is too hot. Seriously, 82? In March? The thought of summer scares me.

6) Being almost entirely out of girl scout cookies.

So my current show-to-watch is Star Trek TNG (which is why it wasn't on my poll earlier), and I get to the S3 ep "The Enemy", and one of the Romulans comes on screen, and I say to myself, huh, that looks an awful lot like G'Kar. The mouth, mainly, and chin.

And I say to myself, it sounds an awful lot like G'Kar too.

So I look it up after the ep is over, and -- yep.

♥

(I love it when I can not only recognize actors like that but remember what I recognize them from.)

(...and dangit, I wish Netflix had B5 available *sadface*)

Watching the 2009 Star Trek movie (nominally because of 'preparing' for Into Darkness, but really just because I love it dearly) and, dude, ALL THE FEELS. I just have this sort of incoherent flappy-handed giddiness about it (and Kirk still needs a retractable leash for his phaser), and everything about it makes me squee and it kept reminding me of all the headcanon I had for it, like the Reboot Mirrorverse and the Kirk/Sulu stuff and the Spock/Uhura stuff and Spock Prime totally shipping Kirk/Spock, and and and--

Sigh. I miss that, dammit. Miss being fannishly excited -- because what I'm feeling now comes close but it's sort of a flat echo of what was, like I'm seeing it through smoky glass, and there isn't any sort of feeling of connection -- and miss the creative output.

I still have things I want to write; there's a Spock/Uhura thing that I don't think I published because I couldn't decide whether it was half done, or done with an unwritten sequel that's really a different story; and there's a k/sp pon farr fic, also half written; and there's seeds of other things still germinating, mirrorverse stuff and k/su stuff and space jump training stuff and whatnot.

I just ... it's like I've forgotten how to words, and forgotten how to be fannish, and the best fics are fannish-inspired words and you can get to good enough with having words and you can get to good enough with fannish energy but not having either? Kind of sucks.

And I really hope Into Darkness doesn't do anything mucky with my Reboot love.

So star_trek_flashfic has Mirrorverse as the current prompt, which means that rewatching Mirror, Mirror was only, you know, logical and all that.

Um. I am currently being devoured alive by plot bunnies. Send help?

( spoilers for the TOS ep and for Reboot )

Fic babble, spoilers for rebootverse stuff and also for the K/S thing I'm maybe writing.

( Read more... )

...at least to the ficlet I'm writing. cough.

Does Stepdad have a name? (credits just list "stepdad", don't have the novelization to look at, don't know where to look)

Saw Star Trek again. \o/

( thinky things )