life with cat

[ysobel]

Cat: Oh hey there is a plate with turkey remnants! I will go onto the Forbidden Table and partake of this feast!
Human: OFF!
Cat: But... but...
Human: *louder shout plus thwack of backscratcher against table*
Cat: Oh, FINE. *jumps off and saunters away*

Repeat a few times, because Human is particularly slow.

Finally, Human gets out the Spray Bottle Of Doom.

Cat: *sits on floor, gazing at table*
Human: Don't even think about it.
Cat: Wasn't.
Human: Do you see this? *wiggles SBOD*
Cat: I'm OFFENDED that you would even THINK that of me.
Human: *glares warningly*
Cat: *licks genitals*

Of course, a watched cat pot never misbehaves boils, so after Cat wanders off, Human sets the spray bottle on the table pointing in the direction of the turkey plate, and wanders off to resume watching of last week's Sleepy Hollow.

To the surprise of no one who has ever owned a cat, not two minutes later:

Cat: Aha! The Table is unsupervised!
Human: *hears suspicious noises and turns*
Cat: Om nom nom turkey scraps!
Human: *squirt in face*
Cat: OH HOLY FUCK WHAT WAS THAT NOOOOO *flees*
Human: *possibly giggles just a little bit*
Cat: I was done with it anyway. *licks fur furiously*

She is now sulking at me. Heee.