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ysobelCW: mention of dream mentions of suicidal ideation
Dream from last night:
My family -- as it was in high school era, only I was in a power chair -- was visiting somewhere foreign, I vaguely think Oslo. In the car from airport to hotel there was an odd haze at about eye level. I was using a laptop to write a DW post about the suicidal ideation I was having. Got so wrapped up in the post, and the logistics of posting -- given that I didn't know if the hotel had WiFi and would using my cell phone get charged long distance rates because I was posting from a foreign country -- that I didn't notice arriving at the hotel. Looked up and I was in the lobby with no family in sight.
Caught up with them as hotel usher was leading us to our room, or rather to the stairs (narrow carpeted staircase). Dad asked where the elevator was -- "we don't have one" -- and said that he'd been very clear that we needed a ground floor room (note: apparently I sometimes dream in British, viz ground floor vs first floor) or elevator access. Hotel guy said no ground floor rooms were available, but then there was a ding and the hotel guy looked surprised and said oh there was an elevator after all.
Up we went to the fourth floor. Elevator had a glass back (three sided, like a triangle with the tip chopped off) that looked out of the hotel, but it was dark outside so we couldn't see much of anything.
Once we got to the room, my sister asked my how many of my teeth had fallen out (note: I do not have teeth-falling-out dreams; this is the only one I can remember). I proved with my tongue, which made another tooth fall out. Five holes, and all my front teeth were loose.
Dinner came via room service -- the only thing I remember was bananas and this weird crunchy grapefruit. (Later in the dream I asked if the crunchy grapefruit was real or whether I'd dozed off and dreamt it.)
Meanwhile niecelet was there asking me if she could use the litter box scoop (which did have prongs, like a spork) to brush Yahtzee. It wasn't even a clean scoop, but was dusty from litter. I felt very awkward saying no because she was really wanting to be helpful, in a 3-year-old way.
At some point I started thinking about yarn shops, how to visit them, and whether they would be accessible. My sister had a project with her that started as an intricate colorsork depiction of kids playing polo on ponies, but then it was just two color brioche ribbing. I was kicking myself for not having brought stuff to show off, and my only project was a navy blue monstrosity that I'd lost the pattern for.
At some point I noticed that the ceiling of the hotel room had embedded storage. One was first aid stuff, one was MREs, one was various survival stuff (flashlight, tools, not sure what else). In the dream this was clearly in case of zombie apocalypse. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Interesting note: irl I am aphantasic, meaning I can't see mental pictures. (I can "visualize" a sunset, but that's really more just holding the concept of a sunset in my mind, with no actual visual. This does, incidentally, explain a lot of my problems with writing descriptions in stories, and also drawing from memory/imagination.) Dreams do have visuals, though they are sometimes narrated like a book. At one point in the dream I closed my eyes and had a brief but vivid vision -- a wide ocean view, and a rocky island barely big enough to support the tower built on it. It didn't last for long, but in the dream I thought, "so that's what it's like to see mental pictures!"
Also of note: despite the appearance of niecelet and Yahtzee, my sister and I were both approximately late teenagers. I'm not sure if niecelet is supposed to represent herself, my sister, or a facet of myself (inner child?)
Last note: I am writing this entry on my tablet with no glasses, so everything is a bit blurry; I can't tell the difference between a and s, for example I also don't always notice autocarrot mangling what I type. I will look the entry over tomorrow with fresher eyes.
Dream from last night:
My family -- as it was in high school era, only I was in a power chair -- was visiting somewhere foreign, I vaguely think Oslo. In the car from airport to hotel there was an odd haze at about eye level. I was using a laptop to write a DW post about the suicidal ideation I was having. Got so wrapped up in the post, and the logistics of posting -- given that I didn't know if the hotel had WiFi and would using my cell phone get charged long distance rates because I was posting from a foreign country -- that I didn't notice arriving at the hotel. Looked up and I was in the lobby with no family in sight.
Caught up with them as hotel usher was leading us to our room, or rather to the stairs (narrow carpeted staircase). Dad asked where the elevator was -- "we don't have one" -- and said that he'd been very clear that we needed a ground floor room (note: apparently I sometimes dream in British, viz ground floor vs first floor) or elevator access. Hotel guy said no ground floor rooms were available, but then there was a ding and the hotel guy looked surprised and said oh there was an elevator after all.
Up we went to the fourth floor. Elevator had a glass back (three sided, like a triangle with the tip chopped off) that looked out of the hotel, but it was dark outside so we couldn't see much of anything.
Once we got to the room, my sister asked my how many of my teeth had fallen out (note: I do not have teeth-falling-out dreams; this is the only one I can remember). I proved with my tongue, which made another tooth fall out. Five holes, and all my front teeth were loose.
Dinner came via room service -- the only thing I remember was bananas and this weird crunchy grapefruit. (Later in the dream I asked if the crunchy grapefruit was real or whether I'd dozed off and dreamt it.)
Meanwhile niecelet was there asking me if she could use the litter box scoop (which did have prongs, like a spork) to brush Yahtzee. It wasn't even a clean scoop, but was dusty from litter. I felt very awkward saying no because she was really wanting to be helpful, in a 3-year-old way.
At some point I started thinking about yarn shops, how to visit them, and whether they would be accessible. My sister had a project with her that started as an intricate colorsork depiction of kids playing polo on ponies, but then it was just two color brioche ribbing. I was kicking myself for not having brought stuff to show off, and my only project was a navy blue monstrosity that I'd lost the pattern for.
At some point I noticed that the ceiling of the hotel room had embedded storage. One was first aid stuff, one was MREs, one was various survival stuff (flashlight, tools, not sure what else). In the dream this was clearly in case of zombie apocalypse. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Interesting note: irl I am aphantasic, meaning I can't see mental pictures. (I can "visualize" a sunset, but that's really more just holding the concept of a sunset in my mind, with no actual visual. This does, incidentally, explain a lot of my problems with writing descriptions in stories, and also drawing from memory/imagination.) Dreams do have visuals, though they are sometimes narrated like a book. At one point in the dream I closed my eyes and had a brief but vivid vision -- a wide ocean view, and a rocky island barely big enough to support the tower built on it. It didn't last for long, but in the dream I thought, "so that's what it's like to see mental pictures!"
Also of note: despite the appearance of niecelet and Yahtzee, my sister and I were both approximately late teenagers. I'm not sure if niecelet is supposed to represent herself, my sister, or a facet of myself (inner child?)
Last note: I am writing this entry on my tablet with no glasses, so everything is a bit blurry; I can't tell the difference between a and s, for example I also don't always notice autocarrot mangling what I type. I will look the entry over tomorrow with fresher eyes.