And then me saying "but that didn't happen" is hostility, or something. Lolsob.
I have this thing where I was "too sensitive" as a kid and cried easily, and I got told that the teasing I endured at school was because they wanted a reaction so I should stop crying -- and I still sometimes stress-cry but mostly I've a) shoved the crying reflex down as far as possible, b) if that doesn't work gotten really good at just kind of ignoring the fact that I'm crying, and c) gotten so out of touch that sometimes I want to cry and can't. And I sometimes grumble that there would be times it would be useful to be able to break down crying, just to show that no I am not handling this okay, but I generally don't cry anyway (unless I'm allowing myself to be vulnerable).
...I was crying during the video chat with the doctor.
I think she thinks it's just me reacting to a) pandemic stress, b) decreasing physical ability, and c) anxiety, by grabbing at a different label and convincing myself that getting an adhd dx and taking meds will magically make everything better. Which ... (a) is plausible but it's more that pandemic stress is stripping away my coping mechanisms and it's becoming more obvious that there's underlying adhd stuff, (b) is complete bs, and (c) gee I wonder why my brain not working correctly and my doctor basically calling me a liar might increase my anxiety IT IS A MYSTERY.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2021-02-27 06:41 am (UTC)And then me saying "but that didn't happen" is hostility, or something. Lolsob.
I have this thing where I was "too sensitive" as a kid and cried easily, and I got told that the teasing I endured at school was because they wanted a reaction so I should stop crying -- and I still sometimes stress-cry but mostly I've a) shoved the crying reflex down as far as possible, b) if that doesn't work gotten really good at just kind of ignoring the fact that I'm crying, and c) gotten so out of touch that sometimes I want to cry and can't. And I sometimes grumble that there would be times it would be useful to be able to break down crying, just to show that no I am not handling this okay, but I generally don't cry anyway (unless I'm allowing myself to be vulnerable).
...I was crying during the video chat with the doctor.
I think she thinks it's just me reacting to a) pandemic stress, b) decreasing physical ability, and c) anxiety, by grabbing at a different label and convincing myself that getting an adhd dx and taking meds will magically make everything better. Which ... (a) is plausible but it's more that pandemic stress is stripping away my coping mechanisms and it's becoming more obvious that there's underlying adhd stuff, (b) is complete bs, and (c) gee I wonder why my brain not working correctly and my doctor basically calling me a liar might increase my anxiety IT IS A MYSTERY.