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Sep. 21st, 2024 10:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysobelI got notifications of comments on a few of my xmfc fics on AO3, so I went back and reread a few. There are some I don't even remember writing (Charles as a mermaid) and even the ones I do remember are ... distant? It's like a different me wrote them.
For one thing, my preference for the explicit sex has changed. A lot. For some reason I don't like it any more. I skim over the sex bits in Fourth Wing and Iron Flame; my own work I can barely read; it's not a moral change (I'm not judging it, just deeply uncomfortable) and not a personal sexuality thing (I knew I was kinky-ace when writing). Maybe some of it is because I have aides around more and my screen is big and I don't want them reading over my shoulder? I don't know.
But mostly I just felt nostalgia. For being able to write (I haven't for ages, as much because lack of ideas as because typing is difficult and slow), for being in the xmfc fandom (especially anon kinkmeme writing), for geeking out about it ... and for the strong pull of Charles And Erik Are Soulmates (which is not unique to xmfc of course, they're pretty much not-quite-married through all of X-Men stuff, but the xmfc-specific stuff was so very pretty and shiny.
(I am way behind on X-men stuff, saw DoFP but not Apocalypse, saw Logan, but nothing else; I don't doubt xmfc fandom is still kicking around somewhere but I don't feel like I have anything to add, don't feel part of it, don't feel part of anything; I haven't really had a community to speak of since Ravelry imploded; I have friends, kinda, but everything is just so different.)
...it doesn't help that the last time I tried opening my WIP file -- not just xmfc, though the main other one I can think of is a Secret Garden fic -- Scrivener had issues because it was from an older version, so I don't know if it's even retrievable. But I guess it doesn't matter if I'm not writing anyway, huh...
For one thing, my preference for the explicit sex has changed. A lot. For some reason I don't like it any more. I skim over the sex bits in Fourth Wing and Iron Flame; my own work I can barely read; it's not a moral change (I'm not judging it, just deeply uncomfortable) and not a personal sexuality thing (I knew I was kinky-ace when writing). Maybe some of it is because I have aides around more and my screen is big and I don't want them reading over my shoulder? I don't know.
But mostly I just felt nostalgia. For being able to write (I haven't for ages, as much because lack of ideas as because typing is difficult and slow), for being in the xmfc fandom (especially anon kinkmeme writing), for geeking out about it ... and for the strong pull of Charles And Erik Are Soulmates (which is not unique to xmfc of course, they're pretty much not-quite-married through all of X-Men stuff, but the xmfc-specific stuff was so very pretty and shiny.
(I am way behind on X-men stuff, saw DoFP but not Apocalypse, saw Logan, but nothing else; I don't doubt xmfc fandom is still kicking around somewhere but I don't feel like I have anything to add, don't feel part of it, don't feel part of anything; I haven't really had a community to speak of since Ravelry imploded; I have friends, kinda, but everything is just so different.)
...it doesn't help that the last time I tried opening my WIP file -- not just xmfc, though the main other one I can think of is a Secret Garden fic -- Scrivener had issues because it was from an older version, so I don't know if it's even retrievable. But I guess it doesn't matter if I'm not writing anyway, huh...