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ysobelI always have mixed feelings about the Triduum services, and not just because I find the Thursday one mildly boring.
(The wikipedia article I linked has the basics, more or less. We're Presbyterians; we don't do Masses. But we do have Maundy Thursday service, and Tenebrae service on Friday, and Easter Vigil on Saturday, and then of course Easter services in Sunday.)
Tenebrae is an extremely powerful service. It starts with normal lighting, and sixteen candles on the altar. There are readings, each a piece of the story; and after each reading, in the silence that follows, a pair of candles is blown out and a lightswitch is flipped. By the end, all the candles are blown out, and the Christ candle is removed, and all the lights are off, and we are in darkness.
Not surprisingly, it's not a very /uplifting/ service. The readings are all from Luke, telling the story of Gethsemane and Jesus' arrest and trial and crucifixion and death. Sure, we know (in ways that the disciples at the time could not) that there's a happy ending coming eventually, but it's not the sort of happy ending that /fixes/ what came before, and it isn't here yet.
And it's depressing as hell, and it also /weirds me the fuck out/. We can't skip over the ugly parts, and you can't really have resurrection if there's nothing to resurrect from, but a worship service centered around torture and death feels... creepy, like wearing someone else's skin. (Like the dream I had last night where there was a drink, quite delicious until you knew the source, made up of liquified kittens.) In many definitions, the heart of Christianity lies not just in the fact that Christ was resurrected, but in the path he took to get there.
Plus, there's a lot of guilt theology. Jesus died for our sins. The Good Shepherd sacrificed for his flock. Precious blood spilled for me. I am guilty, I am a sinner, and that is why Christ died. (The theological why, not the historical why, which has more to do with him being a threat against the ruling powers of the day.) 'Twas I, Lord Jesus, I crucified Thee.
And I ... am mixed. Because I don't like guilt theology. And yet, I do have a tendency towards rejection and denial -- witness my tendency not to mention religion in fannish / online circles; there is also, deeper than may be visible to the surface, a part of me that has judged myself, found myself wanting, and wants to hide from God.
And as much as I don't like guilt theology, sometimes it really really resonates with me.
And now, this love of Christ shall flow like rivers; come, wash your guilt away, live again...
... anyway.
From there, Easter Vigil serves as a transition to Easter proper. It begins in darkness, but the readings are of God's acts of creation and salvation. Genesis, and the creation story. Exodus, and the parting of the Red Sea (but yet the story always makes me feel somewhat bad for the charioteers and especially for the poor horses, who end up dying as part of God showing that he's God). Ezekiel, and the vision of the valley of dry bones. Something else that I'm forgetting. And then one of the versions of the resurrection of Christ, at which point we sing an Alleluia for the first time in forty days, and the sanctuary transforms into Easter colors, gold and white and cheerful, and there are brightly-colored flowers everywhere it's possible to put pots of flowers. After which comes the presentation of new members, reaffirmation of baptism, and so on.
(The service really feels like it should be either a late-night service, with the transition coming at midnight, or an early Sunday service, with the transition coming at dawn. But, like I said, we're Presbyterians. *grin*)
And tomorrow's Easter. Wherein, all jokes about Zombie Jesus aside -- (and I am desperately trying not to write a spn ficlet wherein Sam and Dean are trying to figure out how to take ZJ down, made more amusing by Cas wanting to know what they're up to [and with all that said, while I seriously doubt Zombie Jesus made an appearance in the most recent SPN ep, I have not seen the last two, so please no spoilers]) -- we celebrate resurrection and new life.
The past few years, this included, I have really needed Easter; not always in ways I could put to words, but always in ways I could feel. It gives me a reset button that I don't really get from other things, from the calendar new year (or from the Jewish new year that I only half observe because I feel like I'm stepping like a big clumsy oaf over someone else's religion, but that's another story for another post) or from personal resolutions of starting over.
I don't know if it's that my memory of previous years has become blurred or if I really am feeling it more deeply this year; and I don't know if it's just a coincidence of timing (and over-extending on my part); but I somehow feel like I am /living/ Holy Week this year, even to the point of feeling half dead by now, and I desperately hope tomorrow brings renewal.
(The wikipedia article I linked has the basics, more or less. We're Presbyterians; we don't do Masses. But we do have Maundy Thursday service, and Tenebrae service on Friday, and Easter Vigil on Saturday, and then of course Easter services in Sunday.)
Tenebrae is an extremely powerful service. It starts with normal lighting, and sixteen candles on the altar. There are readings, each a piece of the story; and after each reading, in the silence that follows, a pair of candles is blown out and a lightswitch is flipped. By the end, all the candles are blown out, and the Christ candle is removed, and all the lights are off, and we are in darkness.
Not surprisingly, it's not a very /uplifting/ service. The readings are all from Luke, telling the story of Gethsemane and Jesus' arrest and trial and crucifixion and death. Sure, we know (in ways that the disciples at the time could not) that there's a happy ending coming eventually, but it's not the sort of happy ending that /fixes/ what came before, and it isn't here yet.
And it's depressing as hell, and it also /weirds me the fuck out/. We can't skip over the ugly parts, and you can't really have resurrection if there's nothing to resurrect from, but a worship service centered around torture and death feels... creepy, like wearing someone else's skin. (Like the dream I had last night where there was a drink, quite delicious until you knew the source, made up of liquified kittens.) In many definitions, the heart of Christianity lies not just in the fact that Christ was resurrected, but in the path he took to get there.
Plus, there's a lot of guilt theology. Jesus died for our sins. The Good Shepherd sacrificed for his flock. Precious blood spilled for me. I am guilty, I am a sinner, and that is why Christ died. (The theological why, not the historical why, which has more to do with him being a threat against the ruling powers of the day.) 'Twas I, Lord Jesus, I crucified Thee.
And I ... am mixed. Because I don't like guilt theology. And yet, I do have a tendency towards rejection and denial -- witness my tendency not to mention religion in fannish / online circles; there is also, deeper than may be visible to the surface, a part of me that has judged myself, found myself wanting, and wants to hide from God.
And as much as I don't like guilt theology, sometimes it really really resonates with me.
And now, this love of Christ shall flow like rivers; come, wash your guilt away, live again...
... anyway.
From there, Easter Vigil serves as a transition to Easter proper. It begins in darkness, but the readings are of God's acts of creation and salvation. Genesis, and the creation story. Exodus, and the parting of the Red Sea (but yet the story always makes me feel somewhat bad for the charioteers and especially for the poor horses, who end up dying as part of God showing that he's God). Ezekiel, and the vision of the valley of dry bones. Something else that I'm forgetting. And then one of the versions of the resurrection of Christ, at which point we sing an Alleluia for the first time in forty days, and the sanctuary transforms into Easter colors, gold and white and cheerful, and there are brightly-colored flowers everywhere it's possible to put pots of flowers. After which comes the presentation of new members, reaffirmation of baptism, and so on.
(The service really feels like it should be either a late-night service, with the transition coming at midnight, or an early Sunday service, with the transition coming at dawn. But, like I said, we're Presbyterians. *grin*)
And tomorrow's Easter. Wherein, all jokes about Zombie Jesus aside -- (and I am desperately trying not to write a spn ficlet wherein Sam and Dean are trying to figure out how to take ZJ down, made more amusing by Cas wanting to know what they're up to [and with all that said, while I seriously doubt Zombie Jesus made an appearance in the most recent SPN ep, I have not seen the last two, so please no spoilers]) -- we celebrate resurrection and new life.
The past few years, this included, I have really needed Easter; not always in ways I could put to words, but always in ways I could feel. It gives me a reset button that I don't really get from other things, from the calendar new year (or from the Jewish new year that I only half observe because I feel like I'm stepping like a big clumsy oaf over someone else's religion, but that's another story for another post) or from personal resolutions of starting over.
I don't know if it's that my memory of previous years has become blurred or if I really am feeling it more deeply this year; and I don't know if it's just a coincidence of timing (and over-extending on my part); but I somehow feel like I am /living/ Holy Week this year, even to the point of feeling half dead by now, and I desperately hope tomorrow brings renewal.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-04 08:12 am (UTC)*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2010-04-04 03:21 pm (UTC)the good partsthe Tenebrae responsories for male choristers only. As a result I stayed home in pique, which was probably cutting off my nose to spite my face.