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the state of things
Sep. 26th, 2009 03:53 pm* physical: managed to -- for lack of a better term -- sprain my foot again. (it was the sidewalk's fault this time, I swear.) this is the ... third? ... time I've done it, and the least severe of the three, but still, owww.
* mental: am weirdly ping-ponging between okay and not-okay. have pdoc appointment monday, and will try the cleansing ritual(s) people have suggested, and am honestly swear-to-God trying to get rid of sigma, even though it sometimes seems like I'm not.
* spoons: (if you don't know the reference, read the spoon theory) despite having a visible disability (rather than an invisible one ... or, well, in addition to, since depression sort of counts as an invisible disability), it is sometimes really hard for me to accept that it's okay for me not to have infinite spoons. especially when, as seems to be the case lately, my daily allotment is fairly low even for me.
* social: someone on my flist (yes, I still call it that even on DW) linked to an article about, essentially, behaviour being contagious in social circles. it was more complicated than that, but it did help me realize that my depressive tendency to isolate myself puts me in a social circle of one, and so I'd be better off *not* isolating myself. otoh, being social, especially IRL, takes spoons that I don't always have.
* computer: the final result from the Great Computer Crash is that while most of the files from my old computer were recovered in some shape, a non-negligible amount of them -- including video files &c. -- were corrupted to some extent. c'est la vie. and I have not apparently learned my lesson wrt backups, as I do not currently have a backup system in place (in my defense, sort of, I'm not sure where the external HD, meant for backing up, *is*; my roommate sometimes tidies up, which is a mixed blessing, as things look better but other things aren't where I remember them being).
* tv: currently keeping up (more or less) with spn, ncis, mentalist. except through the computer, not tv.
* crafting: can do knitting via the loom method; unfortunately the looms I have are suitable for thick yarn and most of what I have is thinner, but oh well. at least it's something! cannot do xstitch, yet; need magnifier and some way of doing it without killing my wrists.
* writing: lots of stuff in head, very little on paper. do have a google doc up with a sketch/outline for a Five Things fic, and I really really want to write the blue moon fic, so, uh, it's better than the complete drought I've been living in? I also want to work on publishable stuff but I'm skeered, and also not good at self-motivation.
* dw dev: have a bunch of bugs assigned to me. haven't touched them since the Great Computer Crash. should probably just admit that I can't do them, and release them for someone else to do; but that makes me feel guilty, and also like I haven't tried hard enough. (I grew up on "the main important thing is that you try your best", which might work for some kids but really doesn't work for me because now I have a lingering "but how do I *know* I tried my best?" complex going. also a "giving up is bad, just try harder" complex.)
* kitty: is still cute. and was on my lap for a ~20 minute nap, which was awesome. Less awesome was when she then decided to jump to my computer and lie down on the keyboard, resulting in ( shakespeare ) and similar fun. IRC was the active window at the time. (I was able to mouse over to a different window before I was able to get her off the computer, thus saving IRC from being subjected to more of same.) She is now curled up on the couch, being, um, adorable.
... my ankle, however, is throbbing. (unrelated to kitty.) time for more painkillers yay.
* mental: am weirdly ping-ponging between okay and not-okay. have pdoc appointment monday, and will try the cleansing ritual(s) people have suggested, and am honestly swear-to-God trying to get rid of sigma, even though it sometimes seems like I'm not.
* spoons: (if you don't know the reference, read the spoon theory) despite having a visible disability (rather than an invisible one ... or, well, in addition to, since depression sort of counts as an invisible disability), it is sometimes really hard for me to accept that it's okay for me not to have infinite spoons. especially when, as seems to be the case lately, my daily allotment is fairly low even for me.
* social: someone on my flist (yes, I still call it that even on DW) linked to an article about, essentially, behaviour being contagious in social circles. it was more complicated than that, but it did help me realize that my depressive tendency to isolate myself puts me in a social circle of one, and so I'd be better off *not* isolating myself. otoh, being social, especially IRL, takes spoons that I don't always have.
* computer: the final result from the Great Computer Crash is that while most of the files from my old computer were recovered in some shape, a non-negligible amount of them -- including video files &c. -- were corrupted to some extent. c'est la vie. and I have not apparently learned my lesson wrt backups, as I do not currently have a backup system in place (in my defense, sort of, I'm not sure where the external HD, meant for backing up, *is*; my roommate sometimes tidies up, which is a mixed blessing, as things look better but other things aren't where I remember them being).
* tv: currently keeping up (more or less) with spn, ncis, mentalist. except through the computer, not tv.
* crafting: can do knitting via the loom method; unfortunately the looms I have are suitable for thick yarn and most of what I have is thinner, but oh well. at least it's something! cannot do xstitch, yet; need magnifier and some way of doing it without killing my wrists.
* writing: lots of stuff in head, very little on paper. do have a google doc up with a sketch/outline for a Five Things fic, and I really really want to write the blue moon fic, so, uh, it's better than the complete drought I've been living in? I also want to work on publishable stuff but I'm skeered, and also not good at self-motivation.
* dw dev: have a bunch of bugs assigned to me. haven't touched them since the Great Computer Crash. should probably just admit that I can't do them, and release them for someone else to do; but that makes me feel guilty, and also like I haven't tried hard enough. (I grew up on "the main important thing is that you try your best", which might work for some kids but really doesn't work for me because now I have a lingering "but how do I *know* I tried my best?" complex going. also a "giving up is bad, just try harder" complex.)
* kitty: is still cute. and was on my lap for a ~20 minute nap, which was awesome. Less awesome was when she then decided to jump to my computer and lie down on the keyboard, resulting in ( shakespeare ) and similar fun. IRC was the active window at the time. (I was able to mouse over to a different window before I was able to get her off the computer, thus saving IRC from being subjected to more of same.) She is now curled up on the couch, being, um, adorable.
... my ankle, however, is throbbing. (unrelated to kitty.) time for more painkillers yay.