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Oct. 16th, 2009
I have made an executive decision not to do NaNo this year. Between time issues, physical issues, brain issues, RL chaos issues, and severe writer's drought, not to mention my tendency to take it way too seriously, it's really the best choice.
And yet, because I am strange and perverse, I'm going to try my own unofficial version. I haven't decided what yet. Possibly a lower word count; possibly a time-based thing; possibly a (sure to be disastrous) attempt at writing by voice dictation; possibly something I haven't thought of yet.
#
Someone on my flist -- I don't remember who, or when-- was talking about writing, and self-consciousness, and that made something in my brain go ping. Because really, I think that's a large part of my problem right now. (Well, that and perfectionism, and self-confidence issues, and global warming, but never mind all that.)
One of the singing groups I'm in does Eastern European folk songs, and the singing technique is different from "normal" Western choral singing; more focused, more forward, more... not quite strident, except when it is. At one point we had a technique workshop, and there was a very interesting dichotomy between Trying and Not Trying: when we were just making noises, we got a lot closer to the right technique, but as soon as we started singing, we fell back again.
Writing's gotten kind of the same way. When it doesn't matter, I have no problems doing it. (Witness, for example, my ability to ramble in DW/LJ entries.) When it does matter, I freeze up, and nothing comes out. I try too hard, and I'm too self-conscious about the results if I manage any, and it's just a big mess.
#
(This is not, apparently, a new trait for me. Apparently, when I was a kid in elementary school, if the teacher asked a question, my hand would shoot up immediately -- think Hermione, really -- but then when called on, I would freeze up and be unable to answer. I don't actually remember this, but it fits. Public speaking was never one of my strong points, kind of like how dryness is not one of the ocean's strong points. I'm sure I knew the answer, but as soon as it mattered, I would be too paralyzed by self-consciousness to articulate it.)
(Which isn't to say that I can't change, of course. It's just... hard. Trying not to Try is like trying not to think of pink elephants. And the self-consciousness is still there, you've just got the added fun of self-consciousness about the self-consciousness as well as self-consciousness about what you're trying to do.)
#
I suppose one plausible way to get rid of, or at least reduce, self-consciousness about writing is to not show people what I write. Problem is, I hold myself to far more rigorous standards than anyone else does, and it's hard for me to like what I write when all I can see is the flaws. And -- in what is of course a totally rare trait for writers ;-) -- I like people reading, and liking, what I produce. Which is harder to achieve when nobody sees it.
Plus, if I'm writing for myself, and only myself, there's no actual incentive to write: I can tell stories in my head, which don't suffer from the brain-to-keyboard glitches and gremlins.
And yet, because I am strange and perverse, I'm going to try my own unofficial version. I haven't decided what yet. Possibly a lower word count; possibly a time-based thing; possibly a (sure to be disastrous) attempt at writing by voice dictation; possibly something I haven't thought of yet.
#
Someone on my flist -- I don't remember who, or when-- was talking about writing, and self-consciousness, and that made something in my brain go ping. Because really, I think that's a large part of my problem right now. (Well, that and perfectionism, and self-confidence issues, and global warming, but never mind all that.)
One of the singing groups I'm in does Eastern European folk songs, and the singing technique is different from "normal" Western choral singing; more focused, more forward, more... not quite strident, except when it is. At one point we had a technique workshop, and there was a very interesting dichotomy between Trying and Not Trying: when we were just making noises, we got a lot closer to the right technique, but as soon as we started singing, we fell back again.
Writing's gotten kind of the same way. When it doesn't matter, I have no problems doing it. (Witness, for example, my ability to ramble in DW/LJ entries.) When it does matter, I freeze up, and nothing comes out. I try too hard, and I'm too self-conscious about the results if I manage any, and it's just a big mess.
#
(This is not, apparently, a new trait for me. Apparently, when I was a kid in elementary school, if the teacher asked a question, my hand would shoot up immediately -- think Hermione, really -- but then when called on, I would freeze up and be unable to answer. I don't actually remember this, but it fits. Public speaking was never one of my strong points, kind of like how dryness is not one of the ocean's strong points. I'm sure I knew the answer, but as soon as it mattered, I would be too paralyzed by self-consciousness to articulate it.)
(Which isn't to say that I can't change, of course. It's just... hard. Trying not to Try is like trying not to think of pink elephants. And the self-consciousness is still there, you've just got the added fun of self-consciousness about the self-consciousness as well as self-consciousness about what you're trying to do.)
#
I suppose one plausible way to get rid of, or at least reduce, self-consciousness about writing is to not show people what I write. Problem is, I hold myself to far more rigorous standards than anyone else does, and it's hard for me to like what I write when all I can see is the flaws. And -- in what is of course a totally rare trait for writers ;-) -- I like people reading, and liking, what I produce. Which is harder to achieve when nobody sees it.
Plus, if I'm writing for myself, and only myself, there's no actual incentive to write: I can tell stories in my head, which don't suffer from the brain-to-keyboard glitches and gremlins.
fun with voice recognition
Oct. 16th, 2009 06:39 pmSo my aide was over, and we were chatting about stuff. I had been dictating (did I mention that vista's voice recognition kind of sucks? It's fine for moving between programs, or dictating into Wordpad, but it doesn't work well for, say, typing into Firefox, which means that I have to dictate into Wordpad and then copy and paste into the browser, which, I probably don't need to say, is a complete pain in the ass [no, not "pain in the Alps", tyvm]), and when she showed up I made the mistake of changing the dictation software to sleep mode rather than turning it off.
The difference between the two modes is that when it is inactive but not off, it's still listening to sounds, and will wake up on the appropriate phrase ("start listening", which is next to impossible to dictate because the software treats it as a command even when it's active).
Apparently, something that one of us said sounded enough like the appropriate phrase that it woke up and started trying to dictate.
( It had a wee bit of trouble )
...yeeeaaahhh. I don't even know.
The difference between the two modes is that when it is inactive but not off, it's still listening to sounds, and will wake up on the appropriate phrase ("start listening", which is next to impossible to dictate because the software treats it as a command even when it's active).
Apparently, something that one of us said sounded enough like the appropriate phrase that it woke up and started trying to dictate.
( It had a wee bit of trouble )
...yeeeaaahhh. I don't even know.
