today's gonna be fun

my brain decided FOR NO REASON AT ALL that it would be fun to wake up at 5:30 (having gone to bed after midnight).

and to not fall back asleep.

...a handful of PodCastles and two Stargate eps later, which is one reason I sleep with my iPod handy, when my morning PA came to get me up -- the PA who is, of course, hacking-cough-level sick -- and my head feels stuffed with cotton and my ears have that weird feeling you get when you're in a plane and changed altitudes but your inner ear hasn't popped to compensate so it's all fuzzy and foggy and hard to concentrate.

Yeah.

(sigh)

most of all that love has found us

In addition to the somewhat miserable oddness from this morning, and probably related to the whole limited sleep thing, I was feeling kind of mopey tonight. My normal weekend PA is sick, which means I was on a backup PA, and ( bathroom shenanigans )

... and also I am probably going to be dropping out of stargate_summer just because I don't think I'm ready enough and I don't know for sure that that's the story I want to write, except that pulling out feels like failing ... and ...

... and then I came out, and Suri mrrped at me and jumped onto my lap (to which I did my usual tilting back thing so she doesn't slide off) and licked herself a bunch and then settled herself for a snooze. And oh I wish I could have gotten pictures -- which I couldn't, of course, because for one thing I wouldn't have been able to get a good angle that wasn't just OMGFUR and for another any movement, even going for my cell phone, would have disturbed her -- but she started out by streeeetching one leg up my stomach and resting her chin on that leg; and then a bit later she shifted a little into superman-kitty pose, both legs stretched up my stomach and her head curled on the same leg so close to my hand that I can feel her breaths; and then she shifted more with both her front paws on my hand, crossed at the wrist; and then tucked one paw into a curl under my hand; and in the interludes, dozing off, twitching sometimes, all of the poses with her head moving as I breathed.

And I was overwhelmed with love and warmth and trust and /love/, simple and totally uncaring of what I perceived as failures in myself.

For the wonders that astound us,
for the truths that still confound us,
most of all that love has found us,
thanks be to God.

...kitty zen ftw.