Welp.

So there was a fun adventure tonight that involved me needing to pee (and not being able to get ahold of my on-duty aide for over an hour), so when she got there I went straight to the toilet, did my thing, and then just had her change me in to nightclothes since it was close enough to time. Came back out, finished eating dinner and doing whatever emaily things I still had to do, then had her put me to bed.

Cue me at three hours later, wide awake and in pain. Back hurts, knee hurts, neck hurts, arm hurts, and I eventually realize that the Vicodin I take with my night meds wasn't touching it.

And eventually I realize that this is perhaps because I didn't take any of my night meds whatsoever. Because in my night routine that usually happens first, before toilet and other things. And tonight I was so focused on needing to pee that I a) wasn't going to take meds first even if I had remembered, and b) didn't remember that I hadn't.

/eyes body/

Meds have now been consumed, Vicodin included. And the one that helps me get to sleep. Somehow I suspect this will wreak havoc on my plans to go to farmers market tomorrow...

okay, that was different

So last night -- after going to bed, before the realization of having forgotten my meds (which in turn was before the knee agony that was so bad I ended up hooking the lower half of the sling back up to the lift and using that to support my legs so that there wasn't any pressure on my knee, which felt amazing once I was past the hour of recovery period where my entire leg was twitching from the pain and stress -- okay, that got long. Starting over.

So last night, I got into a sort of depressive funk that involved a lot of crying and also a spiral of, well, ( content warning: depressive thoughts and suicidal ideation, but don't worry it has a happy ending )

A proper story ending would have me drifting easily off to sleep afterwards. It didn't happen, for reasons described in the tangent in the first paragraph. But I felt better.

I don't know if I can ever duplicate that again, but it was sort of ... fascinating.