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If you are bundled up warmly, stomach full of hot food and hot coffee, with a dog at your side who is enjoying the hell out of all the sniffy things he can reach, and you know that you are going home very shortly to a nice warm cheerful apartment where there are more hot drinks available, a bit of cold (well, California cold) drizzle on your face is almost refreshing and definitely not a big deal.
If you are dressed in thin short-sleeved clothes such that you are already cold and shivering, and you are alone, and you have nowhere to go for shelter, a bit of cold drizzle can be not just miserable, but catastrophic beyond your ability to cope.
Physically, today, I experienced the first; it started drizzling but the worst that happened is my glasses got a bit kaleidoscopic from the drops of water.
Metaphorically, lately -- today and yesterday and for the past while and I don't think it's going to be any time soon -- I've been having the latter going on. I'm having problems sleeping, I'm having constant pain of varying types, I can't cope, I'm having problems with my aides, I am spending most of my emotional energy trying (not always successfully) not to hate myself, I keep running into reminders of my limitations, and so any little thing is likely to send me into a tailspin of sobbing miserable woe.
(I feel like inside me, my emotional landscape, is made up of broken jagged shards of glass, some areas fragile like they want to shatter further if anything so much as looks at them, most areas sharp and lethal and full of pointy bits and sharp edges that hunger for blood.)
If you are dressed in thin short-sleeved clothes such that you are already cold and shivering, and you are alone, and you have nowhere to go for shelter, a bit of cold drizzle can be not just miserable, but catastrophic beyond your ability to cope.
Physically, today, I experienced the first; it started drizzling but the worst that happened is my glasses got a bit kaleidoscopic from the drops of water.
Metaphorically, lately -- today and yesterday and for the past while and I don't think it's going to be any time soon -- I've been having the latter going on. I'm having problems sleeping, I'm having constant pain of varying types, I can't cope, I'm having problems with my aides, I am spending most of my emotional energy trying (not always successfully) not to hate myself, I keep running into reminders of my limitations, and so any little thing is likely to send me into a tailspin of sobbing miserable woe.
(I feel like inside me, my emotional landscape, is made up of broken jagged shards of glass, some areas fragile like they want to shatter further if anything so much as looks at them, most areas sharp and lethal and full of pointy bits and sharp edges that hunger for blood.)