vast chasms of not-okay-ness

I keep feeling like Phoebe deserves better. Deserves someone who's out of bed more and able to go places and do things and just ... be more fun. I have a small apartment and a small life and I feel hopelessly ashamed that she's stuck here with me. She deserves more

and I can't even take care of her, can't brush her or check her ears or check her paws; even things like cleaning out her ears and clipping nails and picking up poop. it's what I have aides for but it's also unfair to my aides and to P to add more into the mix.

I just. Why is it all I can see is my deficiencies?