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Feb. 25th, 2023 08:02 pmI had a moment of clarity the other day ... I have (pretty much always had) an underlying feeling of Not Good Enough; nga for my dogs, nga as a daughter and sister, nga at writing, nga at singing, pretty much anything. It's not a logical feeling at all (it's often a manifestation of perfectionism, and/or reflects things I can't do because disability and literally no one but me expects it) and my reaction tends to be withdraw / hide / curl into a ball of shame.
I realized the other day that the proper answer/response should be "try harder", not "hide and be miserable". Like, I think a lot of dog owners feel imperfect, but the better response is "try to be the person my dog thinks I am", not "I'll never be as awesome as my dog expects, let me hide"
...the moment of *feelng* the truth of that has passed, and it's back to being intellectually true but feeling hollow. (I am fucking exhausted of fighting the "must hide" reflex for every damn thing.) But I wanted to write it down anyway in case it comes back.
I realized the other day that the proper answer/response should be "try harder", not "hide and be miserable". Like, I think a lot of dog owners feel imperfect, but the better response is "try to be the person my dog thinks I am", not "I'll never be as awesome as my dog expects, let me hide"
...the moment of *feelng* the truth of that has passed, and it's back to being intellectually true but feeling hollow. (I am fucking exhausted of fighting the "must hide" reflex for every damn thing.) But I wanted to write it down anyway in case it comes back.