wow I did not need that.
Aug. 27th, 2011 02:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysobelLast night at about 1:30 or so, apparently a car ran into a pole and knocked out power for some parts of where I live. Including us.
I was not awake at the time, but I did wake up at a bit before five to a completely dark and completely silent room. Being not entirely awake, my first thought was that I was hot and so I should turn on my fan. It didn't turn on. And then I realized the significance of completely dark and completely silent.
It is perhaps important to note that because I can't shift position at all, I have an alternating air pressure mattress that basically compensates for said not being able to move. This is partly a preventive measure against pressure sores, which is why my (dad's) insurance paid for it, but it is also a comfort thing.
Once I realized that the bed was not operating, I expected to get uncomfortable.
I did not expect /where and how/ that discomfort would happen.
I don't remember enough anatomy to know the name of the muscle, but it's on the inside of the thigh just above the kneecap; and it was twitching and spasming and generally being a (literal and metaphorical) pain. My hip was also hurting, which makes more sense given the context, but the muscle weirdness was the biggest thing.
There was no way in hell I was getting back to sleep.
It didn't help that the muscle weirdness was triggering memories that I'd forgotten or suppressed or something, of the couple of years between when I developed unignorable symptoms and when I was actually correctly diagnosed. I remember almost nothing of that time; given that it involved two surgeries and fucking /chemotherapy/ (misdiagnosis as cancer is fairly common among people with my condition), that's probably a good thing. But the twitching leg bit brought back memories of the endless MRIs, where I had to hold still and quite literally couldn't because inevitably some muscle or other in my legs would jerk and I got lectured at and scolded and my mom tried to bribe me with chocolate and I would end up in tears and insisting "I can't" and no one seemed to believe that it wasn't because I wasn't trying hard enough--
*breathes*
All things considered, it's probably good that I don't remember more from that time period. Even though that means that most of JH and HS is a blank for me.
But nevertheless. I was miserable physically and mentally, and I finally broke down and took drugs (vicodin, which is the strongest painkiller I have right now, and I wish I had muscle relaxants because that would have made more sense) and managed to fall into a drugged half-doze until the power came back on.
Well, first there was the whining on Twitter, and the constand refreshing of PG&E's outage report page. (Did I mention I am super glad I have a phone that can do shit like that? because I am.) When I first checked, a bit before 5, it said "estimated restoration 5am, last updated 4:48." I thought to myself, oh good, the power will be back on soon. ...yeah. There was a period of dark amusement where the page said things like "estimated restoration 5am, last updated 5:30am", and then at a bit before 6 they changed it to "estimated restoration 12pm".
I was extremely close to texting my on-duty aide and saying "when you're up, just come over and get me up, there's no way I'm sleeping". Being up would have been an exercise in frustration ("let me check my ema-- oh. well maybe I can play some WoW-- oh. um.") but would have been marginally more comfortable.
But I sort of dozed, and then at about 8 the power came back on, which woke me out of the half-doze long enough to go "oh yay finally I can get some sleep" and I promptly conked out again.
As a result of all this, I am a) exhausted (I probably got four hours of real sleep, follwed by several hours of being awake or half-awake, followed by drugged sleep), b) unsettled by the memories that got dredged up, c) exhausted, d) lethargic, and e) exhausted.
Sigh.
I was not awake at the time, but I did wake up at a bit before five to a completely dark and completely silent room. Being not entirely awake, my first thought was that I was hot and so I should turn on my fan. It didn't turn on. And then I realized the significance of completely dark and completely silent.
It is perhaps important to note that because I can't shift position at all, I have an alternating air pressure mattress that basically compensates for said not being able to move. This is partly a preventive measure against pressure sores, which is why my (dad's) insurance paid for it, but it is also a comfort thing.
Once I realized that the bed was not operating, I expected to get uncomfortable.
I did not expect /where and how/ that discomfort would happen.
I don't remember enough anatomy to know the name of the muscle, but it's on the inside of the thigh just above the kneecap; and it was twitching and spasming and generally being a (literal and metaphorical) pain. My hip was also hurting, which makes more sense given the context, but the muscle weirdness was the biggest thing.
There was no way in hell I was getting back to sleep.
It didn't help that the muscle weirdness was triggering memories that I'd forgotten or suppressed or something, of the couple of years between when I developed unignorable symptoms and when I was actually correctly diagnosed. I remember almost nothing of that time; given that it involved two surgeries and fucking /chemotherapy/ (misdiagnosis as cancer is fairly common among people with my condition), that's probably a good thing. But the twitching leg bit brought back memories of the endless MRIs, where I had to hold still and quite literally couldn't because inevitably some muscle or other in my legs would jerk and I got lectured at and scolded and my mom tried to bribe me with chocolate and I would end up in tears and insisting "I can't" and no one seemed to believe that it wasn't because I wasn't trying hard enough--
*breathes*
All things considered, it's probably good that I don't remember more from that time period. Even though that means that most of JH and HS is a blank for me.
But nevertheless. I was miserable physically and mentally, and I finally broke down and took drugs (vicodin, which is the strongest painkiller I have right now, and I wish I had muscle relaxants because that would have made more sense) and managed to fall into a drugged half-doze until the power came back on.
Well, first there was the whining on Twitter, and the constand refreshing of PG&E's outage report page. (Did I mention I am super glad I have a phone that can do shit like that? because I am.) When I first checked, a bit before 5, it said "estimated restoration 5am, last updated 4:48." I thought to myself, oh good, the power will be back on soon. ...yeah. There was a period of dark amusement where the page said things like "estimated restoration 5am, last updated 5:30am", and then at a bit before 6 they changed it to "estimated restoration 12pm".
I was extremely close to texting my on-duty aide and saying "when you're up, just come over and get me up, there's no way I'm sleeping". Being up would have been an exercise in frustration ("let me check my ema-- oh. well maybe I can play some WoW-- oh. um.") but would have been marginally more comfortable.
But I sort of dozed, and then at about 8 the power came back on, which woke me out of the half-doze long enough to go "oh yay finally I can get some sleep" and I promptly conked out again.
As a result of all this, I am a) exhausted (I probably got four hours of real sleep, follwed by several hours of being awake or half-awake, followed by drugged sleep), b) unsettled by the memories that got dredged up, c) exhausted, d) lethargic, and e) exhausted.
Sigh.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-27 10:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-28 10:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-30 02:40 am (UTC)In the smallish (250,000) city I live in, one can let the power company know if you have an "urgent medical need for power." That would include folks on oxygen, vents, and swish-swoosh Roho mattresses. Now that info might just go in the round file, but supposedly they use it to set priorities when repair crews are dispatched.
I hope you never have to wonder about that again.
Also: fucking doctors.