(no subject)
Jan. 23rd, 2014 07:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysobelI had a dream last night that I was driving a plane (yes, driving; it was a huge jet thing but it was on the ground) except it was stuck going in circles because there was a loose wire thing, and people kept telling me to just steer left to cancel out the spinning to the right, and I tried but it didn't do any good; steering right made it spin faster, but neutral position returned it to the original spinning pace and steering left had no effect. And nobody believed me that I was actually trying to stop it.
#
Totally unrelatedly I am sure, right now my brain is waffling between HULK SMASH levels of rage (at everything, it seems; at the PA picking me up for choir because we got out a bit early and he was there late and so I had to wait 30 min in the dark and not-particularly-warm-at-all; at a local grocery store for having their special sale item day be on Saturday this week, when it was Friday last week and I was planning on Friday and made arrangements and stuff; at a swap I took part in where I haven't gotten my package but the person apparently said they sent it so idek; at another PA who is constantly late and constantly seems like she is in crisis mode with everything; etc) and emo levels of depression (particularly the "omg I suck" sort, and the litany of stuff I am failing at, and the communications I need to make that are a thousand times harder because I didn't do them promptly and I have no real excuse; at the fact that I let myself get into shame spirals like that instead of just gritting my metaphorical teeth and getting it done; at the disorganized mess my apartment is in; at pretty much anything that is vaguely under my control), and neither the rage nor the self-directed despair (and they are really two sides of the same coin, except one is directed outwards and one entirely inwards) are particularly safe so I'm careening back and forth kind of like the ball in a pinball machine, and my jerkbrain is eating popcorn and enjoying the show while also catcalling insults in my direction and generally mocking me, and oh my god if anyone actually read this gigantic wall of text I owe you a cookie.
Gnh.
#
Totally unrelatedly I am sure, right now my brain is waffling between HULK SMASH levels of rage (at everything, it seems; at the PA picking me up for choir because we got out a bit early and he was there late and so I had to wait 30 min in the dark and not-particularly-warm-at-all; at a local grocery store for having their special sale item day be on Saturday this week, when it was Friday last week and I was planning on Friday and made arrangements and stuff; at a swap I took part in where I haven't gotten my package but the person apparently said they sent it so idek; at another PA who is constantly late and constantly seems like she is in crisis mode with everything; etc) and emo levels of depression (particularly the "omg I suck" sort, and the litany of stuff I am failing at, and the communications I need to make that are a thousand times harder because I didn't do them promptly and I have no real excuse; at the fact that I let myself get into shame spirals like that instead of just gritting my metaphorical teeth and getting it done; at the disorganized mess my apartment is in; at pretty much anything that is vaguely under my control), and neither the rage nor the self-directed despair (and they are really two sides of the same coin, except one is directed outwards and one entirely inwards) are particularly safe so I'm careening back and forth kind of like the ball in a pinball machine, and my jerkbrain is eating popcorn and enjoying the show while also catcalling insults in my direction and generally mocking me, and oh my god if anyone actually read this gigantic wall of text I owe you a cookie.
Gnh.
no subject
Date: 2014-01-24 04:42 am (UTC)That sounds like a bunch of irritating things happening at once and combining with your jerkbrain to be especially annoying.
*sends you darts to throw at your jerkbrain*
*also sends hugs*
no subject
Date: 2014-01-24 05:00 am (UTC)Tell the jerkbrain to take a long hike off a short pier, if you can; if not, bogart its popcorn and tell it you're changing the channel, because you deserve a snack and a lineup of Youtube's Greatest Funny Kitten Hits. (My personal preference is either Cats On Roombas, or Sphynxes In Bathtubs... if you're looking for inspiration!)
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
no subject
Date: 2014-01-24 07:22 pm (UTC)