Brains are ... weird
Feb. 8th, 2014 04:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysobelHere is a thing I have noticed about myself: People giving me stuff is occasionally (but not always) a cue to go gibber in terror in the corner and avoid social interactions. And I don't understand either what triggers the ... problem ... or what distinguishes safe stuff from non-safe.
Situation A -- Sort of asked-for gifts. I am in a group on Ravelry called Random Acts of Kindness, where people can post wishes for things (focused on knitting/crocheting patterns and yarn but really can include anything tangible) and other people can browse and fulfill a wish if they so desire. It's not a swap, there are no expectations of "you must RAK a certain amount before you get anything", so it's fairly safe. I have a wishlist up.
Situation A1: Somebody sends me some tea. This is super awesome. My brain reacts with happiness. I even remember to send them a PM on Rav thanking them.
Situation A2: The designer of one of the (paid) designs I list comps me a copy of the pattern. My brain reacts with holy-crap terror and a desire to avoid Ravelry.
Situation B -- expected gift-times, primarily birthdays and Christmas.
Situation B1: Somebody I know gives me something. My brain reacts with squee, I react with squee, all is well.
Situation B2: Somebody sends me tea. This is super awesome but my brain keeps directing me away from thanking them or otherwise interacting with them. I don't get why this is different from A1, but whatever.
Situation B3: A friend I've been out of contact with for a while sends me an Amazon gift card for my birthday. I intend to send a hand'written thank-you, fail, and am now caught in a spiral of "need to contact but it's been so long that I can't because I don't have an excuse and augh she probably thinks I hate her" avoidance.
Situation C -- unexpected gifts
Situation C1 -- Somebody gives me a potted plant for no reason. My brain reacts with squee, I thank them and admire the plant until my lack of gardening skills kills it.
Situation C2 -- Somebody on Rav is so grateful for my in-depth help with something that they want to buy me a thank-you pattern. I freeze up and flail and never respond to them.
Writing it out, I think I am aware of two relevant patterns. There is the delay factor (I need/want to thank someone for something, I unintentionally procrastinate, and then I am caught in the evil vortex of "it's been to long and I have no excuse but I can't just ignore the delay and augh"), and there is the learned social factor (where social policies including rules I was brought up with say "you should politely say no" but my inner toddler is going "gimme" and I can't decide between them so I shut down), and both of these are powerful forces at work, but they don't really explain why some things send me into immediate panic and others don't.
*pokes morosely at brain, which wiggles like jello*
Situation A -- Sort of asked-for gifts. I am in a group on Ravelry called Random Acts of Kindness, where people can post wishes for things (focused on knitting/crocheting patterns and yarn but really can include anything tangible) and other people can browse and fulfill a wish if they so desire. It's not a swap, there are no expectations of "you must RAK a certain amount before you get anything", so it's fairly safe. I have a wishlist up.
Situation A1: Somebody sends me some tea. This is super awesome. My brain reacts with happiness. I even remember to send them a PM on Rav thanking them.
Situation A2: The designer of one of the (paid) designs I list comps me a copy of the pattern. My brain reacts with holy-crap terror and a desire to avoid Ravelry.
Situation B -- expected gift-times, primarily birthdays and Christmas.
Situation B1: Somebody I know gives me something. My brain reacts with squee, I react with squee, all is well.
Situation B2: Somebody sends me tea. This is super awesome but my brain keeps directing me away from thanking them or otherwise interacting with them. I don't get why this is different from A1, but whatever.
Situation B3: A friend I've been out of contact with for a while sends me an Amazon gift card for my birthday. I intend to send a hand'written thank-you, fail, and am now caught in a spiral of "need to contact but it's been so long that I can't because I don't have an excuse and augh she probably thinks I hate her" avoidance.
Situation C -- unexpected gifts
Situation C1 -- Somebody gives me a potted plant for no reason. My brain reacts with squee, I thank them and admire the plant until my lack of gardening skills kills it.
Situation C2 -- Somebody on Rav is so grateful for my in-depth help with something that they want to buy me a thank-you pattern. I freeze up and flail and never respond to them.
Writing it out, I think I am aware of two relevant patterns. There is the delay factor (I need/want to thank someone for something, I unintentionally procrastinate, and then I am caught in the evil vortex of "it's been to long and I have no excuse but I can't just ignore the delay and augh"), and there is the learned social factor (where social policies including rules I was brought up with say "you should politely say no" but my inner toddler is going "gimme" and I can't decide between them so I shut down), and both of these are powerful forces at work, but they don't really explain why some things send me into immediate panic and others don't.
*pokes morosely at brain, which wiggles like jello*
no subject
Date: 2014-02-09 04:04 pm (UTC)