In which I am still alive but not really okay

[ysobel]

So many complicated emotions right now.

1. Bluprint (aka what used to be Craftsy) is offering free classes right through the 16th, but some of what I'm watching makes me sad because mobility restrictions mean I can't do those things any more. Also because drawing-related tutorials (which is what most of yesterday was) are like "then you take this pencil and make a line exactly here and you have a photorealistic animal portrait" and my artistic ability is barely above stick figures. (But I can hardly practice, because mobility.)

2. I realized yesterday that I literally hadn't been outside for two weeks, and that wasn't great for my mental health. So today I donned a mask and went for a walk. Yay? Saw turkeys... they weren't social distancing, lol.

3. Went on fb for the first time in a few days and found out another FOP person has passed away, someone who was only 15. I wasn't really close to her, but it's always weird to lose someone from the community, especially suddenly. And I can't imagine what it's like to have your daughter die ... well, at all, let alone in the car on the way to the hospital. ...I used to think I wouldn't live to be 30, then that I wouldn't be 40. There are older FOP people, but then things like this happen to much younger people. (It wasn't covid, apparently.)

4. I'm having trouble keeping up with any of my social groups. Here, on rav, on fb, anywhere. It's not that I don't have time, but just the ... I don't know, emotional reservoir? Capacity? Something? ... to even read, let alone interact. And I feel like a horrible friend because I don't know what's happening in anyone's lives.

5. I hate that for health reasons I should be more isolated but for essentially the same reasons I can't, because I have to have aides coming in multiple times per day. So I have constant exposure -- and also constant imposition on my introverted self, which means constant exhaustion. Mrgh. I'm glad I have the support I need? But I really really wish I didn't need it in the first place.

6. Caved and got Disney+. Disney and Pixar and Marvel and Star Wars and NatGeo. So much to watch!

Comments

[kaberett]

It is always good to hear from you. I am sorry that things are so wretched. <3

[cedara]

*waves hi*

Happy to hear you're still out there.

[princessofgeeks]

great to hear from you. glad you got outdoors.

<3 <3 <4

[jesse_the_k]

Oh, your point #5 is so important. I've been thinking of you, and hoping you were managing to maintain the supply of aides, and how stressful it is having to cope with aides on the best possible day.

[ephemera]

*virtual beverage of your choice!