(no subject)

[ysobel]

I miss Monkey way more than it feels like I "should" ... I couldn't really interact physically, she wasn't ever really a lap cat, I'm pretty sure she was deaf by the end (not that I stopped meowing back at her), and I knew she was old. But it hurts and I miss her near-constant purr. It feels too quiet. There's still animal noise, and there's still cat presence because Loki -- he usually is in my bedroom though, and I don't know if that's because Monkey had claimed the living room (therefore he might come out more?) or because he prefers it (therefore he won't).

I knew this was coming and I still hurt.

I try to tell myself I eventually got over losing Suri (see icon), so I'll get through this too, but also I'm not getting another cat (3 animals is already A Lot) whereas I think getting Monkey helped with losing Suri .... rationally I know it'll get easier with time

(but I want it easier now)

(actually if it were easier I'd be beating myself up for not caring enough)

but it still just hurts