i hear the voices when I'm dreaming

There is nothing like having a warm little kitty curled up by/on your feet, when it is cold. Especially when she is purring hard enough that you can feel the vibrations even through the blanket in between.

Just sayin'.

So Suri has been seeming a bit thin lately -- she's always been petite, but not skinny like this -- and I figured that that would be good impetus to go in to the vet. I took her to one vet when I first adopted her, made sure things were okay, etc, but it's been a year and a half since then, and while it's not critical for younger adult cats to get precisely annual checkups, it's still a good idea. Even if they, predictably, don't like having thermometers shoved up their butts.

Her appointment was yesterday afternoon. Now, relevant stats as I knew them: the petfinder listing had her born around July 4th 2008, making her four; as of the adoption she was up to date on all vaccines; and she weighed in at seven pounds something.

Get there, and she weighs in at *five*, and the vet is worried about how skinny and bony she is. (Cue me simultaneously "relieved" that I wasn't being ultra paranoid by thinking she was thin, and worried that I hadn't taken her in soon enough.)

Oh, and after the exam she said that judging by Suri's nails, she is significantly older than four. I asked by how much. Her estimate? Something more like *12*.

...o.O

They also did bloodwork on her, and the vet said she'd call "tomorrow morning" with the results. Which of course led to an evening and morning of worrying about what it could be, as well as weirded out by the age thing (which makes sense with her temperament -- she acts more like an older cat -- but it's kind of like someone coming in and saying that oh by the way she isn't black and white, she's purple.)

Vet calls around 2, after a few false alarm phone calls that had me jumping at the phone only to get a political robocall. I had a bit of trouble hearing her (not helped by the fact that as far as I can tell my brain shut down and stopped processing for half the call), but--

So some things are high, and some things are way too high, and some things are low, and I don't remember any specifics except for borderline anemia, though I did have the presence of mind to ask for a printout of the results; but the basic upshot is early stages of renal failure.

...I am just flailing and feeling like crap.

(I know that some cats can live for years with renal failure, and I know that catching it early is better than, well, not; but I also know that there's no treatment, no fix, just ways to manage the symptoms.)

Going in Monday for some prescription food samples to see if she will tolerate them (I forget what it is about these foods that is good but I trust the vet) and also to get instructions on how to do subcutaneous fluids, but fuck fuck fuck.

(and she said that this kind of supports the theory that she is older, but whatever I just am going to freak out about her health for a while k?)

I have been kind of quiet lately for various reasons (physical problems + mental problems + not wanting to be whinymopey + other stuff), and I still do not have much to say, but here, have a kitty pic:

Suri update: She would like me to inform y'all that she is UTTERLY AND COMPLETELY neglected and does not get ANY attention. Or laps. Or skin to lick. Or laser pointer dots to chase. Mrow mrow MROW mrow. Mrrp.

Writing update: Apparently I can come up with a sestina a lot faster and easier than a fic. *baffled look* idek. On the bright side: two things done for k/b. On the less bright side: that is not enough for a bingo. On the more bright side: I got to upload a fic to AO3 as the first fic in that fandom \o/ (well, on AO3. I doubt it's the first fic ever. *googles* Nope. almost 100 fic on ff.net

Body update: Hip hurts. Shoulder hurts. Caved and took half a vicodin last night (and yes, logically I know that taking painkillers when you are in pain is not a sign of weakness, and I can fall over myself trying to reassure other people on that point, but when it comes down to me? feels like being weak. Double standards ahoy.) Elbow hurts if I do too much with the mouse. (Amusingly, it's an ergonomic mouse. I guess it isn't isa!ergonomics.)

Brain update: Still there. More or less. Have been having a weird vague sense of omgdoom with no actual cause behind it, which I kind of hate. It's like the "hey a tiger is about to eat you" alert system is on overdrive. When there are no tigers around. Except knowing there are no tigers doesn't actually help because what if there's one I haven't seen omg. (This is just a metaphor, so I doubt it's my brain interpreting Suri!stares as tiger!stares.)

Random dragon update:

I have, for a while, occasionally lamented that I am not very cuddly. Hugs are awkward, and the snuggles I get are mainly virtual online ones.

Turns out that I can be plenty cuddly... if you're the right size.

...I have just spent the last hour with a kitty snoozing on me. I was tilted back, and she started up in a long line with her butt on my thighs (tail between my legs and brushing against my shins when it twitched) and her chin on her front paws on my breastbone; and she ended up sprawled in a long C shape with her hindquarters still pretty much in the same place but her hind legs stretched allll the way out so that they hung past my left hip, and her spine curved to wedge against my right hand, and her head below my right breast, one front leg tucked up underneath her and the other stretched across my ribcage like she was hugging me; and all the while looking pretty damn comfortable.

(Unfortunately my left arm was going numb [which is unfortunately common if I stay tilted back for too long], as was my right thigh, and my right wrist was starting to get achy from the feline pressure against it, so I had to dislodge her nice warm furry snuggly self onto the couch. Where she is now curled up in a kitty frisbee.)

In miscellaneous news of miscellany:

* I have been closing my door at night to keep Suri out, just because getting licked every few hours and/or getting walked across (she's a small cat, 7 pounds something, but when that weight is packed onto four tiny spots of surface area, it's a lot of pressure, and she has a fondness for walking directly on my boobs as an exit route from the wall side of the bed) was not conducive to getting a necessary amount of sleep.

I did this for the first time Saturday night, because I knew I had to get up for church and I didn't want to snore during the sermon or anything. When I got back, Suri spent a lot of time on my lap, about 1/2 enthusiastic licking, 1/4 snoozing, and 1/4 "you ABANDONED me" reproachful looks.

I did it again last night, and Suri has taken the more catlike approach of completely ignoring my very existence.

(But I slept very soundly...)

* Minecraft has eaten my life. In short form, my brain decided that it would be an /excellent/ idea to implement a mob farm that I saw on youtube. The basic first steps are a) find a good center point in an area that's as oceany/icy as possible, b) do four lines, one each direction, of 74 cobblestone, c) fill out the square that those lines form the midline + of, and d) clear out anything within that frame that is not water.

The basic subsequent steps are e) build up the frame to make a sky-high cube, f) fill in one of the quadrants nine layers down from maximum height to be the floor of the mob trap, g) build a middle floor, h) build a ceiling one block down from max height, i) set up some complicated system of water canals to funnel mobs to an exit point (either a hole in the floor, or a door that you can control with redstone wiring), g) make a platform at sea level underneath the exit point that mobs will fall and go splat on, h) make sure any and all underground caves beneath the cube are well-lit to prevent mob spawns, i) cover everydamnthing with half-steps to prevent spawns on the structure itself, and then j) set mode to something other than peaceful, stand in the middle of the cube, and profit.

I have not gotten there. I am still on step d.

(I don't do well one-on-one with mobs, so I have no gunpowder to make tnt, nor creepers to blow shit up for me, so "clearing out" involves a lot of digging and mining and digging and digging and discarding the fucking snowballs. I am up to three double chests full of dirt, one double chest full of sand, one double chest full of sandstone and cobblestone, and three quadrants cleared and the last almost cleared.)

As sidetrack from the Project of Neverending Digging, I decided to create a minecart track between my home base and the mob farm. I got about twenty squares in before realizing that a ground-level track would not do, because the damn cows and sheep kept standing on it, so I did one at the height of my home base, which is elevated 15 or so blocks off the ground. And because a) I am a huge dork, and b) there is currently a bug that randomly drops the player through solid surfaces, I built support pillars. Which aren't necessary for support, but they can be laddered on to get back up.

To give you some idea of scale:

- the bottom level frame for the mob trap takes a bit less than 900 cobblestone to lay out, i.e. 14 full stacks.
- the distance between my home base and the mob trap is 1100 squares, which is more than 17 stacks, just for the track alone and none of the pillars.
- each stack of 64 tracks takes either a) 24 iron and 6 sticks, for normal rails, or b) 64 gold and 11 redstone dust and 11 sticks, for powered
- I am using about 1 powered for every 24 normal, which means that 100 rails are 4 powered and 96 normal, which means that 1100 rails are 44 powered and 1056 normal, which means that to complete the track I need a total of 396 iron (a bit over six stacks), 44 gold, 8 redstone, and a bunch of trees.

(and of course my sense of honor requires that I not use an inventory editor, so all of the digging is manual, and all of the building is out of stuff I've dug, and I'm maybe halfway through the tracks and in desperate need of iron again)

Or to sum up, I am insane.

* I really wish I could shake the writing brainsquid of "I can't do the idea/image justice". Because yeah, what makes it onto paper will never match up to the vaguely shaped ideal in my head, but if I don't write my stories, no one will. Even if they're plots that other people have written, the stories are mine. (Aren't they?)

Been a while since I've done one of these, so here, have some kitty pics!

( mrrrp? )

ETA: I also now have a Suri icon, w00t.

I'm sure that my opinion of kitty body heat will change when it is summer -- but for now? Having a warm, purring kitty curled up in your lap radiating heat and contentment is the perfect antidote for a gloomy rainy day.

(I also totally need to make a Suri icon, because I do not have one yet and that is Tragic.)

There is nothing quite like having a pretty little lady kitty curl up on your lap and snooze a bit.

It's always on her schedule, of course, not mine, because she is a Cat, and that is the Catly way things are done; and I can't do anything while she's on my lap; but it's intensely relaxing, and just a bit zen, to just tilt back a bit and be nothing more and nothing less than a cat bed for a while.

(And sometimes during moments like these I feel an overwhelming surge of complete and unconditional Love, strong enough that it makes me cry a little. I don't quite get it, because it's not just the "n'awwwww cute" reaction I get to other pets, either stories or pictures or pettings or whatever. I don't quite get the why or the how of this feeling, it doesn't come at other times, it's just ... /there/.)

She is, I think, smarter than I gave her credit for.

So, okay. In the first few days, attempts to entice her with laser pointerage were met with "Honestly, you expect me to fall for that?" looks. I figured that she had figured out that the red dot came from the thing in my hand and therefore was not worth chasing.

Except then, if I got her in the right moods, she'd go nuts trying to get it. So maybe it was worth chasing after all.

Tonight?

Tonight, she stared directly at me, giving unambiguous attention-seeking mrrps. I, being a dutiful cat pet, went away from the computer so she could jump up on my lap, and made the clicks that I somehow came up with as a way to encourage her, and made the jump-up-yes-it's-okay taps, that she usually responds to.

Nothing; if she'd been human, she would have sighed. She gave up and went back over to her food bowl.

On a whim, I picked up the laser pointer and flicked it on, pointing at the floor. She immediately jumped on it.

And something in my brain clicked: it's not just that she's playing with the laser pointer dot, chasing and pouncing and trying to nom. It's also that it's a connection between the two of us: she knows that I am associated, somehow, with the dot that must be vanquished, and she can request it from me.

Why yes, as it turns out, humans /can/ sometimes be trained!

(Of course she then had to ruin it by disappearing into the kitchen and jumping up on one of the Forbidden Counters -- which she /knows/ is forbidden, because she did the "crap I've been caught" slinkysulk -- so no more laser pointer for now. Daft cat.)