nano home stretch
Nov. 26th, 2010 05:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysobel...only it's not the sort of home stretch where you're out in the lead and it's smooth sailing. It's the sort of home stretch where you're in the back and there's mud on your face and the finish line is so far away and you just want to stagger over to the side and give up.
Current word count is a bit under 35k. With five days left in the month, that's doable, right? I mean, all I have to do is write 3k words a day.
...yeah, guess how many I've written so far today.
It's a nice round number. That's about all it has going for it.
I meant to write! I really did. But it hasn't happened. (Yet. I won't let myself go to bed without getting *something*. It just won't be the 3k that I need.)
And yes, I know that what I have now is 35k words than I had at the beginning of the month, and I should be able to see this as a good thing, but ... I can only think, I could have done better. I should have done better. It's partly "do or do not, there is no try" nonlogic and partly "what matters is that you try your best" nonlogic and partly me having ridiculous expectations for myself. I didn't give it my best effort (obviously; I would have succeeded otherwise) and therefore I am cranky with myself for half-assed-effort-ness. Crankier than I would have been if I hadn't tried at all.
(I can't differentiate, it seems, between ridiculous expectations and any expectations at all. It's like there is a binary of "do impossible things // fail utterly" with no middle ground. This only applies to myself, of course, not other people. Double standards are fun.)
Current word count is a bit under 35k. With five days left in the month, that's doable, right? I mean, all I have to do is write 3k words a day.
...yeah, guess how many I've written so far today.
It's a nice round number. That's about all it has going for it.
I meant to write! I really did. But it hasn't happened. (Yet. I won't let myself go to bed without getting *something*. It just won't be the 3k that I need.)
And yes, I know that what I have now is 35k words than I had at the beginning of the month, and I should be able to see this as a good thing, but ... I can only think, I could have done better. I should have done better. It's partly "do or do not, there is no try" nonlogic and partly "what matters is that you try your best" nonlogic and partly me having ridiculous expectations for myself. I didn't give it my best effort (obviously; I would have succeeded otherwise) and therefore I am cranky with myself for half-assed-effort-ness. Crankier than I would have been if I hadn't tried at all.
(I can't differentiate, it seems, between ridiculous expectations and any expectations at all. It's like there is a binary of "do impossible things // fail utterly" with no middle ground. This only applies to myself, of course, not other people. Double standards are fun.)