![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Mar. 20th, 2014 05:13 pmI don't know how to tell the difference between laziness and depression / spoon deficit, and it is frustrating me.
...laziness is not the best term, perhaps, because it has negative connotations. which may or may not be appropriate, so, maybe:
I don't know how to tell the difference between immature don't-want-to-ness, that I can and should just push through and override, and mature don't-want-to-ness and/pr can't-ness, which I should respect instead of chafing at.
I mean, there are things that very obviously fall into the "can't" category. Like, say, Irish dancing. No amount of pushing myself is going to change that.
But.
Take, for example, getting outside for a walk. Should I? Absolutely. It's good for me to get fresh air and sunshine, it's good for me to take a break from computering, it's good for Yahtzee to get exercise ... Can I? No reason why not; I have roommate here to help with leash/door, and it doesn't really physically exhaust me, because I'm not actually walking. All I do is push a joystick forward.
And I completely and utterly am mired in but I don't want to.
The last two days I managed to push through the bIdwt and get out, and maybe it didn't really make me feel better but it also didn't make me feel worse. So maybe this is the immature sort of not wanting to, where I'm metaphorically sulking and dragging my feet and whining but don't have any good reasons not to do it and so with luck my adulter side will win out and get me moving.
Or maybe it's not, and I ought to listen to my body and take it easy.
And I hate that I can't tell the difference.
...laziness is not the best term, perhaps, because it has negative connotations. which may or may not be appropriate, so, maybe:
I don't know how to tell the difference between immature don't-want-to-ness, that I can and should just push through and override, and mature don't-want-to-ness and/pr can't-ness, which I should respect instead of chafing at.
I mean, there are things that very obviously fall into the "can't" category. Like, say, Irish dancing. No amount of pushing myself is going to change that.
But.
Take, for example, getting outside for a walk. Should I? Absolutely. It's good for me to get fresh air and sunshine, it's good for me to take a break from computering, it's good for Yahtzee to get exercise ... Can I? No reason why not; I have roommate here to help with leash/door, and it doesn't really physically exhaust me, because I'm not actually walking. All I do is push a joystick forward.
And I completely and utterly am mired in but I don't want to.
The last two days I managed to push through the bIdwt and get out, and maybe it didn't really make me feel better but it also didn't make me feel worse. So maybe this is the immature sort of not wanting to, where I'm metaphorically sulking and dragging my feet and whining but don't have any good reasons not to do it and so with luck my adulter side will win out and get me moving.
Or maybe it's not, and I ought to listen to my body and take it easy.
And I hate that I can't tell the difference.