(no subject)

In going stash diving to see if I have orange yarn (I am making a little crochet sun, and orange would make a good accent color), I came across some of my cross-stitching supplies, and I wanted to burst into tears.

I miss cross-stitching so freaking much I can’t even stand it.

I don’t have the mobility to do it any more; I don’t have the dexterity to thread embroidery needles (I can’t even get yarn needles threaded easily), I can’t hold a cross-stitch frame where I could get the needle to the right place, and I don’t have the arm mobility to pull needle through fabric and get the thread all the way pulled through. I could maybe do parts of it if I had someone help with the physical aspects, but then it’s not me doing it any more.

Cross-stitch used to be a sort of form of meditation for me, calming and relaxing, and I came out with pretty stuff. Not the kitschy sort of patterns, but real works of art -- Teresa Wentzler was one of my favorite designers -- and I can’t do it any more and it hurts.

I want my arms back. Hell, I don’t even need both, just one would be fine.

(Now that I’m alone in the apartment I’m letting myself cry, now that it’s not in front of my mom and one of my aides, but that doesn’t fix anything)