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Feb. 27th, 2011 10:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysobelSomeone on my flist linked to synecdochic's post on imposter syndrome from last year; and I found myself rereading the post, and all the comments, and thinking. A lot.
Which meant that I found myself with a lap full of kitty (she has discovered that I have a lap!) thinking, first, 'I did this,' and then, 'nah I just allowed the universe to happen this at me,' and then '...no. I did this. The universe gave me the opportunity, but I wasn't passive; I /did this/.'
It also meant that I saw a picture and had a (double) drabble jump directly into my head, and I showed my roommate the picture and summarized the drabble, and I don't remember the exact phrasing of the conversation we had but it was along the lines of me dismissing the picture-to-drabble leap as anything of consequence. And then stopping, and correcting myself to agree with what my roommate had said, because even though it was a perfectly obvious connection in my head, even though it didn't feel like effort, that didn't mean it wasn't something I did.
(It's hard, that line of thinking; it's a curse of growing up as a Gifted Kid, the paradox that things that happen natively don't "count" because there wasn't any apparent effort involved, and yet things that can't be done easily and perfectly aren't worth trying.)
...and it meant that I wrote the fic, and posted it, and didn't dither about how it omg wasn't good enough.
synecdochic's post on imposter syndrome from last year; and I found myself rereading the post, and all the comments, and thinking. A lot.Which meant that I found myself with a lap full of kitty (she has discovered that I have a lap!) thinking, first, 'I did this,' and then, 'nah I just allowed the universe to happen this at me,' and then '...no. I did this. The universe gave me the opportunity, but I wasn't passive; I /did this/.'
It also meant that I saw a picture and had a (double) drabble jump directly into my head, and I showed my roommate the picture and summarized the drabble, and I don't remember the exact phrasing of the conversation we had but it was along the lines of me dismissing the picture-to-drabble leap as anything of consequence. And then stopping, and correcting myself to agree with what my roommate had said, because even though it was a perfectly obvious connection in my head, even though it didn't feel like effort, that didn't mean it wasn't something I did.
(It's hard, that line of thinking; it's a curse of growing up as a Gifted Kid, the paradox that things that happen natively don't "count" because there wasn't any apparent effort involved, and yet things that can't be done easily and perfectly aren't worth trying.)
...and it meant that I wrote the fic, and posted it, and didn't dither about how it omg wasn't good enough.
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Date: 2011-02-28 08:57 am (UTC)Also, we've been meaning to ask, do you happen to have an archive of our own account? If so, and you'd want to poke at our one single fic :P (We're just getting into fandom as far as writing goes) we're
Er...Hope we don't sound like a squeeing weirdo?
And OMG kitteh! *Pets*
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Date: 2011-02-28 09:02 am (UTC)Just wanted to add, we understand what you meant about the paradox of growing up a gifted child. We definitely get it as we did too. We sucked at math, but yes exactly. Just, we understand. We can't brain right now, but we might come back and leave a more verbose reply when we can properly brain.