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ysobelI think I knew better than to commit to doing anything for the Ravelympics Ravellenic Games. I'm a slow-ass knitter; putting a time limit on it is just ridiculous.
I knew better, and I did it anyway, and now I'm disappointed as fuck and resenting myself and crying over nothing because I am an idiot, and I seem to be allergic to my own tears or somethig, and I can't stop my eyes leaking.
so, okay. I am slow, and I have reasons for being slow -- not being able to move m,y fucking arms is a big one, hurting if I go for too long is another, and rationally I know that it's damn crazy that I can even knit at all, but I feekl slow as hell and resent it.
I mean, hell, it took me six days to do a stupid purple hedgehog that almost everybody else finished in one or two. Six. And that was /with/ doing a crappy fudging to the pattern that made the fur part go faster (and look stupid, but never mind that).
so I was going to do these wristwarmers -- Oncoming Storm, fun little daleky tjing, and I have grey and black yarns, mystery acrylics but whatever it'll still be Awesome, right?
not so much.
it's taken me -- what the hell day is it, anyway, the 9th? 9 days to do up one. And some of that was me getting used to knitting again, and getting used to bobbles, and what have you, and figuring shit out, but nine days. there are three days left.
that would be bad enough.
I swatched a bit in garter to try to estimate a size (since I'm using different weight yarns from the original), without taking into account that some amount of ribbing and also bobbles will pull it in, and it's on straight needles so I can't really try it on as I go, not without slipping to waste yarn (and then slipping back), which is a pain, and also recruiting someone else to help because I can't fucking reach my own fucking arms, and also explaining what I needed them to do with it, and also figuring out where on my arm it would hit since it's done bottom up, and all these things =made it too much of a pain.
I knew better, I really did, but I ended up waiting until it was cast off to try it directly against my arm.
So of course it's too fucking small.
In the grand scheme of things, it's minor. It's not like I was using super expensive yarn that I only barely had enough of. And generally speaking, for things like hats or gloves, I am of the "use the item as your swatch" school, figuring that if you do up a full gauge swatch in pattern you will /have/ to reknit the item but if you check gauge as you go /and get it right/ you won't have to reknit, which means that "it's too small, do up a different size" is one of the risks I know I'm taking, but.
There's no way in hell I can get even one done up in three days, let alone two.
And I'm cryiong and hating myself ad iot's /stupid/ and I know that and I can't stop.
(and this on top of the clarion thing, where I set a stupid high goal and then burned out and stopped writing entirely? yeah. not so much with the "I can do, er, anything" sort of self esteem right now.)
I knew better, and I did it anyway, and now I'm disappointed as fuck and resenting myself and crying over nothing because I am an idiot, and I seem to be allergic to my own tears or somethig, and I can't stop my eyes leaking.
so, okay. I am slow, and I have reasons for being slow -- not being able to move m,y fucking arms is a big one, hurting if I go for too long is another, and rationally I know that it's damn crazy that I can even knit at all, but I feekl slow as hell and resent it.
I mean, hell, it took me six days to do a stupid purple hedgehog that almost everybody else finished in one or two. Six. And that was /with/ doing a crappy fudging to the pattern that made the fur part go faster (and look stupid, but never mind that).
so I was going to do these wristwarmers -- Oncoming Storm, fun little daleky tjing, and I have grey and black yarns, mystery acrylics but whatever it'll still be Awesome, right?
not so much.
it's taken me -- what the hell day is it, anyway, the 9th? 9 days to do up one. And some of that was me getting used to knitting again, and getting used to bobbles, and what have you, and figuring shit out, but nine days. there are three days left.
that would be bad enough.
I swatched a bit in garter to try to estimate a size (since I'm using different weight yarns from the original), without taking into account that some amount of ribbing and also bobbles will pull it in, and it's on straight needles so I can't really try it on as I go, not without slipping to waste yarn (and then slipping back), which is a pain, and also recruiting someone else to help because I can't fucking reach my own fucking arms, and also explaining what I needed them to do with it, and also figuring out where on my arm it would hit since it's done bottom up, and all these things =made it too much of a pain.
I knew better, I really did, but I ended up waiting until it was cast off to try it directly against my arm.
So of course it's too fucking small.
In the grand scheme of things, it's minor. It's not like I was using super expensive yarn that I only barely had enough of. And generally speaking, for things like hats or gloves, I am of the "use the item as your swatch" school, figuring that if you do up a full gauge swatch in pattern you will /have/ to reknit the item but if you check gauge as you go /and get it right/ you won't have to reknit, which means that "it's too small, do up a different size" is one of the risks I know I'm taking, but.
There's no way in hell I can get even one done up in three days, let alone two.
And I'm cryiong and hating myself ad iot's /stupid/ and I know that and I can't stop.
(and this on top of the clarion thing, where I set a stupid high goal and then burned out and stopped writing entirely? yeah. not so much with the "I can do, er, anything" sort of self esteem right now.)
no subject
Date: 2012-08-10 04:26 am (UTC)