Keeping the wolves at bay... sort of
Oct. 19th, 2012 11:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysobelI am somewhere between panels 6 and 7 of this. (comic entitled "overcome by depression" with a sequence of panels where the black Thing gets larger and larger until it totally overwhelms the person.). It creeps up, sometimes, almost undetectable until it's impossible to ignore, and then too large to be fought off.
I'm so fucking tired of this. Of feeling like a constant failure, of never feeling good about stuff I do because I "should" be doing more or better or faster or something, of not being able to do anything, of not doing the things I technically can do, of whining and not being strong enough to change at all. Of failing, and digging my own fail-holes deeper just so I can feel crappier. Of having an almost unfightable desire to hide in a metaphorical cave even when I know that would just make things worse.
Of wanting to believe I'm at least halfway a good person, when all I can see is miles of proof that I am a pathetic failcake.
I'm so fucking tired of this. Of feeling like a constant failure, of never feeling good about stuff I do because I "should" be doing more or better or faster or something, of not being able to do anything, of not doing the things I technically can do, of whining and not being strong enough to change at all. Of failing, and digging my own fail-holes deeper just so I can feel crappier. Of having an almost unfightable desire to hide in a metaphorical cave even when I know that would just make things worse.
Of wanting to believe I'm at least halfway a good person, when all I can see is miles of proof that I am a pathetic failcake.
no subject
Date: 2012-10-23 12:00 am (UTC)I don't know either.
no subject
Date: 2012-10-23 01:08 am (UTC)