(no subject)
Mar. 27th, 2013 04:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysobelI'm really fucking tired of having to have aides.
Tired of having to rely on other people for the simplest and most basic things. Tired of not being able to do pretty much anything on my own.
Tired of dealing with the bureaucratic hassles involved, of hours and payments, of the fact that the government says I 'need' X hours of care per day and that's what they'll pay for (if they have funding for it) which is great except for how I actually need way more than that. Tired of trying to balance only getting X hours per day with the facts that a) because things like toileting are involved, I can't just clump up my aide hours to do all the day's stuff in one fell swoop, and b) very few people are willing to come over just long enough to help me toilet and so when they come they need to be able to work for at least an hour or two.
Tired of the spoon cost of dealing with people, both in the sense of technically being their employer (I do not pay them directly but I am their boss), and in the sense of just having them around at all, when I am an extreme introvert and any sort of anything gets me flaily.
Tired of having to deal with the fact that aides are people, and so they make mistakes or aren't responsible or show up late or I don't trust them to drive me any place (but can't fire them because they're the one person willing to step in at short notice (as long as her phone isn't cut off from nonpayment).
Tired of the fact that this is a fucking endless process, that no one ever lasts because they move or get another job or quit or whatthefuckever and I have to go find a replacement all over again and all the while know that the person I'm hiring will leave in a month or a year or two and it'll just start again.
Just. Tired.
(TL;DR one of the more dependable of my aides went in a short space of time from "I don't want to work weekends" to "lol quitting" and I am just frustrated and being disabled *sucks*.)
Tired of having to rely on other people for the simplest and most basic things. Tired of not being able to do pretty much anything on my own.
Tired of dealing with the bureaucratic hassles involved, of hours and payments, of the fact that the government says I 'need' X hours of care per day and that's what they'll pay for (if they have funding for it) which is great except for how I actually need way more than that. Tired of trying to balance only getting X hours per day with the facts that a) because things like toileting are involved, I can't just clump up my aide hours to do all the day's stuff in one fell swoop, and b) very few people are willing to come over just long enough to help me toilet and so when they come they need to be able to work for at least an hour or two.
Tired of the spoon cost of dealing with people, both in the sense of technically being their employer (I do not pay them directly but I am their boss), and in the sense of just having them around at all, when I am an extreme introvert and any sort of anything gets me flaily.
Tired of having to deal with the fact that aides are people, and so they make mistakes or aren't responsible or show up late or I don't trust them to drive me any place (but can't fire them because they're the one person willing to step in at short notice (as long as her phone isn't cut off from nonpayment).
Tired of the fact that this is a fucking endless process, that no one ever lasts because they move or get another job or quit or whatthefuckever and I have to go find a replacement all over again and all the while know that the person I'm hiring will leave in a month or a year or two and it'll just start again.
Just. Tired.
(TL;DR one of the more dependable of my aides went in a short space of time from "I don't want to work weekends" to "lol quitting" and I am just frustrated and being disabled *sucks*.)
no subject
Date: 2013-03-29 12:19 am (UTC)Being disabled sucks.
My sympathies.