![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysobelSo I've been watching Haven -- started at the beginning (Netflix is my friend) and am about 2/3 of the way through Season Three.
Part of what I like about it is the whole "People [especially law enforcement] dealing with supernaturally weird shit" concept; see also X-Files, Buffy, Supernatural, Warehouse 13, Grimm, Sleepy Hollow, The Dead Zone, and so on. (and speaking of Buffy and Haven, when I'm caught up on Haven I sorta want to rewatch WTTH/TH because Jesse...)
Partly, though, I ... seem to have a gigantic crush on Nathan Wuornos. *sheepish look* And I don't entirely know why.
(because there is always a why to what pings your interest... right)
Some of that is physical; "tall thin leggy" seems to be a major type for me. Some of it is something about his face, and I have to say that he has a lot of similarities to Christopher Gorham (Auggie in Covert Affairs, among others), except more so, which makes no sense but whatever.
Some of it is the whole "stoic-faced marshmallow" character trope; I'm pretty sure the baby thing is what took me from "Hey he sort of looks like Auggie" to "!!! WANT".
Some of that is in how I read him: disabled (in ways that can sometimes be an advantage, sure, but it's not a happy-omg-yay superpower) and romantic demisexual
And some of that, possibly a lot of it, is a whole lot of resonance with the touch issue.
Because I sometimes feel ... I'm not sure how to put it. Isolated? Touch starved? I like physical contact, at least with the right people, but I can't initiate anything and very rarely get anything. The chair provides a barrier between me and the world; my literal inability to reach out or lean forward or get into a different position is basically the rest of the barrier. I can be hugged, awkwardly, but I can't hug back; I can't really hold hands; I can't snuggle, or cuddle, or lean against people, or anything like that. This isn't, I might add, about sexual contact; it's just about contact. I have a strong desire for touch that can't really ever be fulfilled.
...so throw a show at me with a character that a) is seriously attractive to me on a physical level, and b) also can't really fulfill desire for physical contact?
Yeah.
For those of you that haven't seen Haven, a quick summary: some people have weird supernatural abilities (e.g. can change weather around them based on their moods, or can cause their own nightmares to come to life, or can summon spirits of the dead to get revenge, or whatever), usually not under their conscious control. It's sort of Warehouse-13-y except the artifacts are really people instead of things.
Nathan? Basically doesn't have a sense of touch.
It's initially presented as just not being able to feel pain, but it's more than that. He can't feel. He can get injured, and he can die (and has, at least twice), but he can't feel, and he really wants to. You see it in his interactions with Jess, a S1 girlfriend. You see it in the early S2 episode where his condition gets temporarily relieved, and how he touches things just to touch them. You see it in his interactions with Audrey, who is (for mysterious supernatural reasons) someone whose touch he CAN feel, and there is a kiss between them in S2 that just absolutely kills me.
And now there's someone, rather Roguelike, whose bare-skin touch causes intense pain to whomever she's touching. And Nathan gets involved with her partly for plot reasons but partly also because *she* is just as touch-starved as he is -- and that's something they can bond over, and also something that he can provide for her (because her touch hurts but doesn't damage, and he can't hurt), and the stuff between them just kind of ... *flail* He's the only one to touch her since she developed this condition, and I'm not sure she does the same thing for him but ...
Yeah. The touch thing is a big thing for me.
Flail.
(And I want to write fic, so much fic. Nathan fic, and Nathan/Audrey fic, and Nathan/Jordan fic from both directions, and okay maybe there is a part of me that also wants Nathan/Audrey/Duke and possibly even Nathan/Duke, but all dealing with touch and sensation and stuff.)
Part of what I like about it is the whole "People [especially law enforcement] dealing with supernaturally weird shit" concept; see also X-Files, Buffy, Supernatural, Warehouse 13, Grimm, Sleepy Hollow, The Dead Zone, and so on. (and speaking of Buffy and Haven, when I'm caught up on Haven I sorta want to rewatch WTTH/TH because Jesse...)
Partly, though, I ... seem to have a gigantic crush on Nathan Wuornos. *sheepish look* And I don't entirely know why.
(because there is always a why to what pings your interest... right)
Some of that is physical; "tall thin leggy" seems to be a major type for me. Some of it is something about his face, and I have to say that he has a lot of similarities to Christopher Gorham (Auggie in Covert Affairs, among others), except more so, which makes no sense but whatever.
Some of it is the whole "stoic-faced marshmallow" character trope; I'm pretty sure the baby thing is what took me from "Hey he sort of looks like Auggie" to "!!! WANT".
Some of that is in how I read him: disabled (in ways that can sometimes be an advantage, sure, but it's not a happy-omg-yay superpower) and romantic demisexual
And some of that, possibly a lot of it, is a whole lot of resonance with the touch issue.
Because I sometimes feel ... I'm not sure how to put it. Isolated? Touch starved? I like physical contact, at least with the right people, but I can't initiate anything and very rarely get anything. The chair provides a barrier between me and the world; my literal inability to reach out or lean forward or get into a different position is basically the rest of the barrier. I can be hugged, awkwardly, but I can't hug back; I can't really hold hands; I can't snuggle, or cuddle, or lean against people, or anything like that. This isn't, I might add, about sexual contact; it's just about contact. I have a strong desire for touch that can't really ever be fulfilled.
...so throw a show at me with a character that a) is seriously attractive to me on a physical level, and b) also can't really fulfill desire for physical contact?
Yeah.
For those of you that haven't seen Haven, a quick summary: some people have weird supernatural abilities (e.g. can change weather around them based on their moods, or can cause their own nightmares to come to life, or can summon spirits of the dead to get revenge, or whatever), usually not under their conscious control. It's sort of Warehouse-13-y except the artifacts are really people instead of things.
Nathan? Basically doesn't have a sense of touch.
It's initially presented as just not being able to feel pain, but it's more than that. He can't feel. He can get injured, and he can die (and has, at least twice), but he can't feel, and he really wants to. You see it in his interactions with Jess, a S1 girlfriend. You see it in the early S2 episode where his condition gets temporarily relieved, and how he touches things just to touch them. You see it in his interactions with Audrey, who is (for mysterious supernatural reasons) someone whose touch he CAN feel, and there is a kiss between them in S2 that just absolutely kills me.
And now there's someone, rather Roguelike, whose bare-skin touch causes intense pain to whomever she's touching. And Nathan gets involved with her partly for plot reasons but partly also because *she* is just as touch-starved as he is -- and that's something they can bond over, and also something that he can provide for her (because her touch hurts but doesn't damage, and he can't hurt), and the stuff between them just kind of ... *flail* He's the only one to touch her since she developed this condition, and I'm not sure she does the same thing for him but ...
Yeah. The touch thing is a big thing for me.
Flail.
(And I want to write fic, so much fic. Nathan fic, and Nathan/Audrey fic, and Nathan/Jordan fic from both directions, and okay maybe there is a part of me that also wants Nathan/Audrey/Duke and possibly even Nathan/Duke, but all dealing with touch and sensation and stuff.)
no subject
Date: 2013-10-16 12:43 pm (UTC)(My massive tactile defensiveness means that things are ... obviously not the same for me, but the "wanting to touch but not able to" is painfully resonant.)
no subject
Date: 2013-12-09 09:52 pm (UTC)