Dream fragment
Jul. 5th, 2014 10:50 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysobelSo I had this dream about LJ support
And I don't remember details but instead of what my waking mind remembers as the course of things (more or less rising through the ranks until I was as high as any volunteer could get, but being a pretty mediocre admin, not actively harmful but never quite sure of myself and my own decisions, with increasing depression issues until I sort of self-demoted down and then a big later quit out of a combination of depression, burnout, and disagreement with the corporate management
where instead of that in the dream I was actually pretty competent there was some sort of event that triggered a downward spiral that culminated in me being unable to approve anything of my own and basically getting panic attacks when I looked at the board -- the dream wasn't about this, it was set later -- and how the whole thing was a pretty textbook case of a failure of the system rather than a failure of the self, and that it was ... I don't even know.
I'm not explaining myself well. I just know that in the dream, what happened way back then wasn't my responsibility in any way. And that typing all this up is making me cry
And I don't remember details but instead of what my waking mind remembers as the course of things (more or less rising through the ranks until I was as high as any volunteer could get, but being a pretty mediocre admin, not actively harmful but never quite sure of myself and my own decisions, with increasing depression issues until I sort of self-demoted down and then a big later quit out of a combination of depression, burnout, and disagreement with the corporate management
where instead of that in the dream I was actually pretty competent there was some sort of event that triggered a downward spiral that culminated in me being unable to approve anything of my own and basically getting panic attacks when I looked at the board -- the dream wasn't about this, it was set later -- and how the whole thing was a pretty textbook case of a failure of the system rather than a failure of the self, and that it was ... I don't even know.
I'm not explaining myself well. I just know that in the dream, what happened way back then wasn't my responsibility in any way. And that typing all this up is making me cry
no subject
Date: 2014-07-06 01:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-07-07 05:27 am (UTC)