...prettiest of pretty kitties
Jul. 27th, 2014 09:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysobelI am having a really intense I-miss-Suri-dammit moment.
Not entirely sure what set it off. Something about seeing Monkey, and making the tongue-clicks that people use sometimes to coax an animal over, it's not something I made up, but it was my noise for Suri. It was what I used the first night she was here, over and over again, each time she cried, and she came and licked me and said hi. It was what I used to call her into my lap, or to get her attention.
And I used it on Monkey -- who is adorable, and I love her to pieces, and she will headbutt my stick if I hold it near her, or my own face if someone brings her close, but she doesn't come to me, she doesn't snuggle with me, I don't know that I'm really her person -- and Monkey just sat in the windowsill, not reacting, and I sort of lost it. Quietly, carefully, because my caretaker was still helping me get into bed and stuff and I didn't want her to see, and I kept it bottled up until she was gone, because I didn't want to have to try to explain.
I just.
I miss having a warm purring kitty curled up on my chest, or loving herself against my hands. I miss that it seemed to be a perfect match between me and Suri -- she was okay with being petted but strongly preferred licking or else just sitting there; I couldn't pet worth a damn because that sort or involves moving, but I was happy to he licked, or to just lie there.
I miss having a little kitty-shaped ball of warmth on my chest in the morning before I was really awake; the fact that the bed is narrow and moves on its own keeps any cat from wanting to curl next to me, but Suri liked being on a breathing surface, i.e. my chest, and it didn't matter that the bed moved too.
Monkey never comes on my bed.
We tried having someone put her on my chest a time or two, and she just got off immediately, even if the bed was off. She snuggles (other people) but on her own terms, and usually next to rather than on top or.
I miss Suri, and it goddamn fucking hurts,
(And I can't remember her as clearly as I'd like. I still remember what she was like the day she died, and I remember before that my heart hurting for her when she got to the point where she couldn't jump; but I don't remember at all what she was like not-sick. What normal wax like. I can look at a picture of her and vaguely recognize her but I don't remember her any more, and I feel like that makes me a horrible kittymom)
Not entirely sure what set it off. Something about seeing Monkey, and making the tongue-clicks that people use sometimes to coax an animal over, it's not something I made up, but it was my noise for Suri. It was what I used the first night she was here, over and over again, each time she cried, and she came and licked me and said hi. It was what I used to call her into my lap, or to get her attention.
And I used it on Monkey -- who is adorable, and I love her to pieces, and she will headbutt my stick if I hold it near her, or my own face if someone brings her close, but she doesn't come to me, she doesn't snuggle with me, I don't know that I'm really her person -- and Monkey just sat in the windowsill, not reacting, and I sort of lost it. Quietly, carefully, because my caretaker was still helping me get into bed and stuff and I didn't want her to see, and I kept it bottled up until she was gone, because I didn't want to have to try to explain.
I just.
I miss having a warm purring kitty curled up on my chest, or loving herself against my hands. I miss that it seemed to be a perfect match between me and Suri -- she was okay with being petted but strongly preferred licking or else just sitting there; I couldn't pet worth a damn because that sort or involves moving, but I was happy to he licked, or to just lie there.
I miss having a little kitty-shaped ball of warmth on my chest in the morning before I was really awake; the fact that the bed is narrow and moves on its own keeps any cat from wanting to curl next to me, but Suri liked being on a breathing surface, i.e. my chest, and it didn't matter that the bed moved too.
Monkey never comes on my bed.
We tried having someone put her on my chest a time or two, and she just got off immediately, even if the bed was off. She snuggles (other people) but on her own terms, and usually next to rather than on top or.
I miss Suri, and it goddamn fucking hurts,
(And I can't remember her as clearly as I'd like. I still remember what she was like the day she died, and I remember before that my heart hurting for her when she got to the point where she couldn't jump; but I don't remember at all what she was like not-sick. What normal wax like. I can look at a picture of her and vaguely recognize her but I don't remember her any more, and I feel like that makes me a horrible kittymom)
no subject
Date: 2014-07-29 01:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-07-29 09:26 am (UTC)