Brainweasel status: DEFCON 2.5

[ysobel]

...am currently okay in that I am none of the following: dead, undead, hospitalized, injured, comatose, lycanthropic, abducted by aliens, abducted my pirates, abducted by alien pirates, hallucinating, hallucinogenic, poisonous, venomous, psychic, psychotic, telepathic, telekinetic, pyrokinetic, folded, spindled, or mutilated.

however I am not okay in that the brainweasels are out in force, and as many of you know, they are very hard to fight, especially when swarming. And they're swarming hard.

(Therapist says I'm not just anxious but downright scared. She's ... not wrong. The hand thing is a trigger, because my hands are one of the few mobile bits I have left (and I remember something from when I was maybe 14 or so where I learned that worst case scenario with FOP was that you were stuck as a human statue able only to wiggle your fingers, and somehow what I held on to from that was that whatever happened I would always have Paris my hands, which turns out to be about as useful as saying that whatever happened I would always have my brain) and because crochet, which requires some amount of dexterity, is one of the few hobbies I have left (aside from Netflix marathons, which ... is not much of a hobby) and I'm scared not only of what will happen with my hands but what the rheumatologist might say. And I'm scared of being trapped in my body with nothing to do, and I'm scared of being more of a burden than I already am.)

(Therapist says she's never seen me like this. She's not wrong there either. I'm usually better at appearing ... I don't know, logical? detached? practical? ... about the whole being-a-burden thing or whatever, and this is just a window into pure fear.)

We have a meeting scheduled tomorrow, me and her and my dad, to talk about ... stuff, including maybe getting me a wireless/Bluetooth/something headset for computer dictation, but as much to let him know what's going on as to come up with solutions for stuff. Beyond that, I don't know what the plan is.

So if I'm not around much or whatever ... Well, see the first two paragraphs.

Comments

[princessofgeeks]

Hope the meeting goes well. And getting abducted by alien pirates might actually be kind of fun.

[longmagpieroads]

Offering all the hugs to you hon.

[rainbow]

offering hugs xo

[vass]

I'm sorry. No wonder you're scared. ♥

[lferion]

*Hugs and all the good energy to you*

I think you have every right to be scared. I hope things go well with the meeting!

[zhelana]

*hugs*

[pauamma]

How do you know you're not hallucinogenic? :-)

[rydra_wong]

Listening. Seconding what everone says: you have every right to be scared, for both body and brain reasons.

Sending good thoughts.

[jesse_the_k]

Adding to the chorus--you have highly developed coping skills, and then suddenly you have more to cope with. That sucks. I'm so sorry!

<3 <3 <3