White collar feels
Oct. 25th, 2018 09:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysobelSo someone, elsesite, said something that reminded me of a white collar quote
which I stopped watching somewhere in season ... four or five? ...
and I'm kinda glad I stopped because apparently they killed Neal off in the finale? Idek, Among various promo videos and clips, which didn't include the scene I was actually looking for, there was a clip from the finale
..which I shall cut for spoilers even though it's been a few years
of "Neal's death scene" (well, such as it was, since we don't see him die per se, but: of Peter pushing desperately through a crowd to where EMTs are loading a bloody Neal into an ambulance and Peter's trying to be Stoic and failing, and Neal says that he was the only one to see good in him (not quite true, because Elizabeth and Satch) and he's his best friend, and then they take him away and then there's a scene where Peter and Mozzie get to see Neal's body, and Mozzie is in total denial until Peter snaps at him, and then Peter gets Neal's belongings, including the empty ankle bracelet, and Tim DeKay absolutely kills me in all this, so much
Note: I haven't seen the episode in full but I did finally just now do enough digging to know about the epilogue, and so canonically I gather Neal faked the death thing (hence why we didn't see him die), but interestingly, the hours between "wtf they killed Neal" and "...oh right okay" had me wanting to fic again (!!!)
one a happy ending ish type of story where the death was real not faked but then Neal comes back as a ghost to haunt Peter and Elizabeth
but I've missed too much of the show, don't really have context for the finale, either what happened or what Elizabeth knows, or even the relationship balance between the three of them, or hell even whether satchmo is still around -- so I probably won't -- but I can kind of feel some of the scenes? like, Peter tries to emotionally duct tape himself back together so he doesn't leave the hospital all broken, so he goes home and Elizabeth's all "I heard there was a shooting" and Peter goes "huh" and Elizabeth goes "..where's Neal" and Peter's throat goes dry and he swallows a bunch and he tries to say "he got transferred--" (because in a sense he did, just, yknow, transferred to the morgue, but transferred sounds so much less final than killed) but his voice breaks and he can't say it and his ears start ringing. He sort of distantly hears himself say "he got shot, he--" and the kitchen counter isn't holding him up so he sinks wobbleishly down, and Elizabeth sits on the floor with him and says "tell me" and the words choke up in Peters throat and he finally says "he was alone"
(and this is where not having seen the episode kind of hurts me because I don't know whether to pull in how he got shot or just the fact that Peter wasn't there in the ambulance with him, wasn't there when he died)
and I don't even know whether this wants to be a long drawn out fix or whether this is the point where Neal says "everyone dies alone" and Peter yelps and stands up so fast he hits his head on the edge of the counter, and Neal is sitting on their kitchen table (or the kitchen island if they have one, I completely forget) swinging his legs like a kid, kind of blurry around the edges, and Peter realizes that it's not just blurry vision from hitting his head, Neal is kind of translucent, and he circles around and then punches Neal in the jaw ("ow", Neal says reflexively, even though Peters hand had passed through him; Neal rubs his jaw and says woundedly, what was that for? ajd Peter says hoarsely "for dying on me, you fucking asshole", and Neal clucks and says "language, Peter" and Peter hovers his hand through Neal's shoulder and says "how does this work, how --" and Neal says "this is my first time being dead you know, I'm not really an expert yet," and Elizabeth says "how are you even here," and Neal just shrugs diffidently and says "you know there's no jail that can hold me forever," and Peter points out that being dead isn't jail, and Neal just kind of shrugs)
...of course my inner critic is jabbering on about how most of that is just me processing various of my emotions through fic, rather than being true to the character, but eh.
and the other thing wanting to be written is a goddamn fucking sestina what is it with me and white collar and sestinas wtf
(life body cry time free lie)
which I stopped watching somewhere in season ... four or five? ...
and I'm kinda glad I stopped because apparently they killed Neal off in the finale? Idek, Among various promo videos and clips, which didn't include the scene I was actually looking for, there was a clip from the finale
..which I shall cut for spoilers even though it's been a few years
of "Neal's death scene" (well, such as it was, since we don't see him die per se, but: of Peter pushing desperately through a crowd to where EMTs are loading a bloody Neal into an ambulance and Peter's trying to be Stoic and failing, and Neal says that he was the only one to see good in him (not quite true, because Elizabeth and Satch) and he's his best friend, and then they take him away and then there's a scene where Peter and Mozzie get to see Neal's body, and Mozzie is in total denial until Peter snaps at him, and then Peter gets Neal's belongings, including the empty ankle bracelet, and Tim DeKay absolutely kills me in all this, so much
Note: I haven't seen the episode in full but I did finally just now do enough digging to know about the epilogue, and so canonically I gather Neal faked the death thing (hence why we didn't see him die), but interestingly, the hours between "wtf they killed Neal" and "...oh right okay" had me wanting to fic again (!!!)
one a happy ending ish type of story where the death was real not faked but then Neal comes back as a ghost to haunt Peter and Elizabeth
but I've missed too much of the show, don't really have context for the finale, either what happened or what Elizabeth knows, or even the relationship balance between the three of them, or hell even whether satchmo is still around -- so I probably won't -- but I can kind of feel some of the scenes? like, Peter tries to emotionally duct tape himself back together so he doesn't leave the hospital all broken, so he goes home and Elizabeth's all "I heard there was a shooting" and Peter goes "huh" and Elizabeth goes "..where's Neal" and Peter's throat goes dry and he swallows a bunch and he tries to say "he got transferred--" (because in a sense he did, just, yknow, transferred to the morgue, but transferred sounds so much less final than killed) but his voice breaks and he can't say it and his ears start ringing. He sort of distantly hears himself say "he got shot, he--" and the kitchen counter isn't holding him up so he sinks wobbleishly down, and Elizabeth sits on the floor with him and says "tell me" and the words choke up in Peters throat and he finally says "he was alone"
(and this is where not having seen the episode kind of hurts me because I don't know whether to pull in how he got shot or just the fact that Peter wasn't there in the ambulance with him, wasn't there when he died)
and I don't even know whether this wants to be a long drawn out fix or whether this is the point where Neal says "everyone dies alone" and Peter yelps and stands up so fast he hits his head on the edge of the counter, and Neal is sitting on their kitchen table (or the kitchen island if they have one, I completely forget) swinging his legs like a kid, kind of blurry around the edges, and Peter realizes that it's not just blurry vision from hitting his head, Neal is kind of translucent, and he circles around and then punches Neal in the jaw ("ow", Neal says reflexively, even though Peters hand had passed through him; Neal rubs his jaw and says woundedly, what was that for? ajd Peter says hoarsely "for dying on me, you fucking asshole", and Neal clucks and says "language, Peter" and Peter hovers his hand through Neal's shoulder and says "how does this work, how --" and Neal says "this is my first time being dead you know, I'm not really an expert yet," and Elizabeth says "how are you even here," and Neal just shrugs diffidently and says "you know there's no jail that can hold me forever," and Peter points out that being dead isn't jail, and Neal just kind of shrugs)
...of course my inner critic is jabbering on about how most of that is just me processing various of my emotions through fic, rather than being true to the character, but eh.
and the other thing wanting to be written is a goddamn fucking sestina what is it with me and white collar and sestinas wtf
(life body cry time free lie)
no subject
Date: 2018-10-27 01:21 am (UTC)Satch makes it through to the end! s5 is 'meh', but better than 4, imo. and s6 is all of like 6 episodes b/c it came back b/c the fans screamed loud enough for closure.
I don't remember exactly the last ep, but iirc, they do a time-jump.
no subject
Date: 2018-10-27 04:41 am (UTC)But my brain also seems to have glomped onto the gutpunch emotion of Peter thinking Neal's dead, and doesn't want to let go.
And the whole sestina obsession baffles me. Like, I don't even like sestinas all that much, so why does my brain like white collar sestinas???
Conclusion: my brain is weird.
no subject
Date: 2018-10-28 10:23 pm (UTC)