A list of things
Apr. 9th, 2019 07:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysobel1. Still alive. More or less.
2. Finished my cactus bunny. It's frickin' adorable. Next up: prototype of a doll I'm designing. It is a person in a wheelchair, but more of a centaur-esque hybrid than a person and a separate chair, because really my chair is my legs. Concept art on my instagram.
3. Either I've been having more drastic reactions to low blood sugar, or I'm just noticing it more, but holy crap does my mood plummet if I go too long without eating. Today I was deep in lethargic anhedonia (not sure how much is depression and how much is blood sugar) and i had to force myself to eat because I knew food was good but I wasn't hungry and nothing sounded good, so I shoved food down and then twenty minutes later was feeling a lot more human. It's a little frustrating having to think of foods, because I don't always get hunger signals. And because I can't get stuff out myself, I need to remember to have sides leave something out where I can get it but the pets can't, and then I have to remember to eat it and also hope it still sounds good.
4. It doesn't help that my roommate tends to cook uber-healthily, and sometimes the "roast chicken and/or roasted veggies and/or sautéed kale and/or roasted potatoes and/or plain quinoa" gets a little ... boring. I'd rather have that than the polar opposite, and I'm in favor of generally eating healthy but with exceptions. And when I've forgotten food so nothing sounds good anyway, "oh hey i could have plain almonds for a snack" is kind of ... less appealing than usual. (Almonds are okay but not my favorite nut, and they're better salted; these are basically tasteless wood). It has the appeal of sawdust. And I have a voice in my head saying I should be eating super healthy anyway because that's the only way to keep my weight down or whatever, but it's a lot easier to eat when I actually want to eat.
5. I've also been in a funk lately. No energy to speak of, no enthusiasm for anything, no desire to crochet or read. I have theoretical desire to watch stuff on Netflix but that ends up not happening. I don't know how much is situational stress (chair, aide issues, generally not having reliable comfort) and how much is my depression changing its presentation and how much is blood sugar stuff. I should probably talk to my doctor, because there might be a medical issue behind it. I've had depresssion a long time, but it mostly manifests as self-hate and lack of energy, not lack of desire.
6. My iPad may be dying. Boo.
7. What is it with people doubling down on racism o.O There is a designer on Rav who makes really pretty stuff who is now on my never-buy list for being a total asshat. Short summary: she designed a shawl with a racial slur in the name, tried to openly circumvent the automated "no racist language" filter while mocking said filter, persisted in re-uploading it with problematic names, and is now claiming persecution.
Longer version, content warning for racial slurs (largely Rroma-related) --
The shawl was originally "Gypsy Aire", after a violin piece, but it got auto-rejected for having a racist term, so she renamed it "Gypysy" with a "lol automated filters" type commen. Site owner removed it; she re-added it with the German language variant, which is equally problematic; site owner removed it; she re-added it twice more with the same name; site owner eventually *removed her ability to add new patterns herself*. Designer threw a tantrum about how she was being PERSECUTED, her logic along the lines of "I love Gypsy culture so it's okay, and also there are other patterns on rav with that name (not mentioning that they were added before there was a firm "no racist language" policy that included words like this so they've been grandfathered in but probably with requests out to the designers to rename) and why aren't they being removed too, and also I was naming the shawl after a violin piece so that makes it okay and all violinists agree with me (HAH), and also I'm Jewish so this is clearly antisemitism". WTF.
She does not seem to understand at all the biggest problem was not the initial name of the shawl but her behavior afterwards. And she has one person defending her under logic like "gypsy is a woman's name, and people are allowed to call shawls by names that aren't theirs" and "if I named my shawl German and then a German person took offense no one would expect me to rename it" and "any word has the potential of being used offensively so are we going to ban all words" and "there are modern organizations that include the word Gypsy so it's clearly okay to use, are you going to tell them they can't use it" (which doesn't hold water because eg the existence of NAACP doesn't make it okay to use "colored people" as a general term, and the existence of the Bureau of Indian Affairs doesn't mean that Indian isn't the best way to describe someone of Navajo descent, and black rappers using nigga in their lyrics doesn't make it ok for white people to use that term; but the best part is, one of the organizations she cited *has no Rroma* and is basically "society of white people fetishixing an exotic culture" so not the best defense).
It's kind of sad, but also weird. Like ... okay, not everyone knows that Gypsy is problematic -- it definitely depends on context (it's okay to talk about a certain robot on MST3K, because name) -- and there are even Rroma people who refer to themselves as Gypsy, which is ok as self identification but not something that can be assigned. (Oh, that reminds me, the designer tried to pull the "according to family legend I have Rroma blood, which means I'm part Gypsy, and i definitely feel Gypsy when I play the violin" card. Because family legends of Gypsy blood is like how some Americans will go "oh I'm like 1/64th Cherokee", which is to say totally legit.) But *enough* Rroma consider it to be harmful that it counts as one of the iffy words: not as clearly bad as n-er, but something that it's better to avoid. At least if you want to be a good person.
Anyway, I don't fault the designer for not knowing. I do fault the reaction. There was nothing about the shawl that was inherently Rroma related/inspired/connected. I suspect that she wanted the association to, like, wild carefree barefoot abandon -- think, like, Esmeralda in Disney's Hunchback of Notre Dame -- which is totally mired in racism without being obvious about it. I do believe she had innocent intentions, and the first change, where she reacted like the automated filter blocked "shawl" as racist -- or puppy, or blue, or something innocuous and not racist -- was understandable even though somewhat immature. But she didn't just double down on this, she quintupled down. No "wait maybe I should look this up", no "I'll rename it under protest and talk reasonably about why I wanted to name it this", no actual mature behavior.
Anyway, where was I...?
8. Duolingo streak is up to 933. Woo. I'm thinking of trying again to tackle German. (Advantage: I have some stuff already ingrained. Disadvantage: that stuff is from twenty years ago, so is wildly out of date as well as rusty. Also, Spanish, which I'm lazily refreshing, is more useful around here.)
9. My side K has never seen Princess Bride. I am making her watch it soon. I keep wanting to make references to it (we were talking about something the other day that reminded me of Vizzini logic, a "something is X and also not-X" type of joke argument; I do not think [thst word] means what you think it means; something being mostly dead) and then remembering she wouldn't get it.
10. I am also going to have her watch Into the Woods -- the good one of course, not the recent abomination of which the ONLY redeeming value is Chris Pine's Shathering in "Agonny", and I still can't fucking believe they didn't include the reprise augh -- but that's less urgent. Also I don't actually own the DVD of it. Yet. I look for it at every library book sale (they have dvds and cds as well as books). One of these days it will be mine ... mwahahaha.
2. Finished my cactus bunny. It's frickin' adorable. Next up: prototype of a doll I'm designing. It is a person in a wheelchair, but more of a centaur-esque hybrid than a person and a separate chair, because really my chair is my legs. Concept art on my instagram.
3. Either I've been having more drastic reactions to low blood sugar, or I'm just noticing it more, but holy crap does my mood plummet if I go too long without eating. Today I was deep in lethargic anhedonia (not sure how much is depression and how much is blood sugar) and i had to force myself to eat because I knew food was good but I wasn't hungry and nothing sounded good, so I shoved food down and then twenty minutes later was feeling a lot more human. It's a little frustrating having to think of foods, because I don't always get hunger signals. And because I can't get stuff out myself, I need to remember to have sides leave something out where I can get it but the pets can't, and then I have to remember to eat it and also hope it still sounds good.
4. It doesn't help that my roommate tends to cook uber-healthily, and sometimes the "roast chicken and/or roasted veggies and/or sautéed kale and/or roasted potatoes and/or plain quinoa" gets a little ... boring. I'd rather have that than the polar opposite, and I'm in favor of generally eating healthy but with exceptions. And when I've forgotten food so nothing sounds good anyway, "oh hey i could have plain almonds for a snack" is kind of ... less appealing than usual. (Almonds are okay but not my favorite nut, and they're better salted; these are basically tasteless wood). It has the appeal of sawdust. And I have a voice in my head saying I should be eating super healthy anyway because that's the only way to keep my weight down or whatever, but it's a lot easier to eat when I actually want to eat.
5. I've also been in a funk lately. No energy to speak of, no enthusiasm for anything, no desire to crochet or read. I have theoretical desire to watch stuff on Netflix but that ends up not happening. I don't know how much is situational stress (chair, aide issues, generally not having reliable comfort) and how much is my depression changing its presentation and how much is blood sugar stuff. I should probably talk to my doctor, because there might be a medical issue behind it. I've had depresssion a long time, but it mostly manifests as self-hate and lack of energy, not lack of desire.
6. My iPad may be dying. Boo.
7. What is it with people doubling down on racism o.O There is a designer on Rav who makes really pretty stuff who is now on my never-buy list for being a total asshat. Short summary: she designed a shawl with a racial slur in the name, tried to openly circumvent the automated "no racist language" filter while mocking said filter, persisted in re-uploading it with problematic names, and is now claiming persecution.
Longer version, content warning for racial slurs (largely Rroma-related) --
The shawl was originally "Gypsy Aire", after a violin piece, but it got auto-rejected for having a racist term, so she renamed it "Gypysy" with a "lol automated filters" type commen. Site owner removed it; she re-added it with the German language variant, which is equally problematic; site owner removed it; she re-added it twice more with the same name; site owner eventually *removed her ability to add new patterns herself*. Designer threw a tantrum about how she was being PERSECUTED, her logic along the lines of "I love Gypsy culture so it's okay, and also there are other patterns on rav with that name (not mentioning that they were added before there was a firm "no racist language" policy that included words like this so they've been grandfathered in but probably with requests out to the designers to rename) and why aren't they being removed too, and also I was naming the shawl after a violin piece so that makes it okay and all violinists agree with me (HAH), and also I'm Jewish so this is clearly antisemitism". WTF.
She does not seem to understand at all the biggest problem was not the initial name of the shawl but her behavior afterwards. And she has one person defending her under logic like "gypsy is a woman's name, and people are allowed to call shawls by names that aren't theirs" and "if I named my shawl German and then a German person took offense no one would expect me to rename it" and "any word has the potential of being used offensively so are we going to ban all words" and "there are modern organizations that include the word Gypsy so it's clearly okay to use, are you going to tell them they can't use it" (which doesn't hold water because eg the existence of NAACP doesn't make it okay to use "colored people" as a general term, and the existence of the Bureau of Indian Affairs doesn't mean that Indian isn't the best way to describe someone of Navajo descent, and black rappers using nigga in their lyrics doesn't make it ok for white people to use that term; but the best part is, one of the organizations she cited *has no Rroma* and is basically "society of white people fetishixing an exotic culture" so not the best defense).
It's kind of sad, but also weird. Like ... okay, not everyone knows that Gypsy is problematic -- it definitely depends on context (it's okay to talk about a certain robot on MST3K, because name) -- and there are even Rroma people who refer to themselves as Gypsy, which is ok as self identification but not something that can be assigned. (Oh, that reminds me, the designer tried to pull the "according to family legend I have Rroma blood, which means I'm part Gypsy, and i definitely feel Gypsy when I play the violin" card. Because family legends of Gypsy blood is like how some Americans will go "oh I'm like 1/64th Cherokee", which is to say totally legit.) But *enough* Rroma consider it to be harmful that it counts as one of the iffy words: not as clearly bad as n-er, but something that it's better to avoid. At least if you want to be a good person.
Anyway, I don't fault the designer for not knowing. I do fault the reaction. There was nothing about the shawl that was inherently Rroma related/inspired/connected. I suspect that she wanted the association to, like, wild carefree barefoot abandon -- think, like, Esmeralda in Disney's Hunchback of Notre Dame -- which is totally mired in racism without being obvious about it. I do believe she had innocent intentions, and the first change, where she reacted like the automated filter blocked "shawl" as racist -- or puppy, or blue, or something innocuous and not racist -- was understandable even though somewhat immature. But she didn't just double down on this, she quintupled down. No "wait maybe I should look this up", no "I'll rename it under protest and talk reasonably about why I wanted to name it this", no actual mature behavior.
Anyway, where was I...?
8. Duolingo streak is up to 933. Woo. I'm thinking of trying again to tackle German. (Advantage: I have some stuff already ingrained. Disadvantage: that stuff is from twenty years ago, so is wildly out of date as well as rusty. Also, Spanish, which I'm lazily refreshing, is more useful around here.)
9. My side K has never seen Princess Bride. I am making her watch it soon. I keep wanting to make references to it (we were talking about something the other day that reminded me of Vizzini logic, a "something is X and also not-X" type of joke argument; I do not think [thst word] means what you think it means; something being mostly dead) and then remembering she wouldn't get it.
10. I am also going to have her watch Into the Woods -- the good one of course, not the recent abomination of which the ONLY redeeming value is Chris Pine's Shathering in "Agonny", and I still can't fucking believe they didn't include the reprise augh -- but that's less urgent. Also I don't actually own the DVD of it. Yet. I look for it at every library book sale (they have dvds and cds as well as books). One of these days it will be mine ... mwahahaha.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-10 03:52 am (UTC)Duolingo streak is up to 993
Whoo! That's awesome. :D I really need to start Duolingo, or something, just so I don't lose every vestige of language I ever learnt. (German, and a smidgen of Japanese.) Though for the last year or so I've had a weird urge to start learning Russian? I dunno!
and then remembering she wouldn't get it
If K is anything like me, then trust me, she gets it. (I did not see TPB until I was in my 20s or 30s, but I assure you I knew all of the references anyway because they've entered the pop-culture collective consciousness.)
I hope you and your doctor can decipher the funk and convince it to hang out somewhere else! Wanting to do stuff but not feeling able sounds like an annoying place to be stuck in.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-10 05:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-04-10 04:11 pm (UTC)Love TPB; it was a family movie along with Willow and a few others. I miss those days. When the entire family would sit to watch something...and there would be absolutely no arguments.
I feel you; I'm losing desire some days and it sucks ass.
-Fallon~