i hear the voices when I'm dreaming

1. Still alive. More or less.

2. Finished my cactus bunny. It's frickin' adorable. Next up: prototype of a doll I'm designing. It is a person in a wheelchair, but more of a centaur-esque hybrid than a person and a separate chair, because really my chair is my legs. Concept art on my instagram.

3. Either I've been having more drastic reactions to low blood sugar, or I'm just noticing it more, but holy crap does my mood plummet if I go too long without eating. Today I was deep in lethargic anhedonia (not sure how much is depression and how much is blood sugar) and i had to force myself to eat because I knew food was good but I wasn't hungry and nothing sounded good, so I shoved food down and then twenty minutes later was feeling a lot more human. It's a little frustrating having to think of foods, because I don't always get hunger signals. And because I can't get stuff out myself, I need to remember to have sides leave something out where I can get it but the pets can't, and then I have to remember to eat it and also hope it still sounds good.

4. It doesn't help that my roommate tends to cook uber-healthily, and sometimes the "roast chicken and/or roasted veggies and/or sautéed kale and/or roasted potatoes and/or plain quinoa" gets a little ... boring. I'd rather have that than the polar opposite, and I'm in favor of generally eating healthy but with exceptions. And when I've forgotten food so nothing sounds good anyway, "oh hey i could have plain almonds for a snack" is kind of ... less appealing than usual. (Almonds are okay but not my favorite nut, and they're better salted; these are basically tasteless wood). It has the appeal of sawdust. And I have a voice in my head saying I should be eating super healthy anyway because that's the only way to keep my weight down or whatever, but it's a lot easier to eat when I actually want to eat.

5. I've also been in a funk lately. No energy to speak of, no enthusiasm for anything, no desire to crochet or read. I have theoretical desire to watch stuff on Netflix but that ends up not happening. I don't know how much is situational stress (chair, aide issues, generally not having reliable comfort) and how much is my depression changing its presentation and how much is blood sugar stuff. I should probably talk to my doctor, because there might be a medical issue behind it. I've had depresssion a long time, but it mostly manifests as self-hate and lack of energy, not lack of desire.

6. My iPad may be dying. Boo.

7. What is it with people doubling down on racism o.O There is a designer on Rav who makes really pretty stuff who is now on my never-buy list for being a total asshat. Short summary: she designed a shawl with a racial slur in the name, tried to openly circumvent the automated "no racist language" filter while mocking said filter, persisted in re-uploading it with problematic names, and is now claiming persecution.

Longer version, content warning for racial slurs (largely Rroma-related) --

( Read more... )

Anyway, where was I...?

8. Duolingo streak is up to 933. Woo. I'm thinking of trying again to tackle German. (Advantage: I have some stuff already ingrained. Disadvantage: that stuff is from twenty years ago, so is wildly out of date as well as rusty. Also, Spanish, which I'm lazily refreshing, is more useful around here.)

9. My side K has never seen Princess Bride. I am making her watch it soon. I keep wanting to make references to it (we were talking about something the other day that reminded me of Vizzini logic, a "something is X and also not-X" type of joke argument; I do not think [thst word] means what you think it means; something being mostly dead) and then remembering she wouldn't get it.

10. I am also going to have her watch Into the Woods -- the good one of course, not the recent abomination of which the ONLY redeeming value is Chris Pine's Shathering in "Agonny", and I still can't fucking believe they didn't include the reprise augh -- but that's less urgent. Also I don't actually own the DVD of it. Yet. I look for it at every library book sale (they have dvds and cds as well as books). One of these days it will be mine ... mwahahaha.