(no subject)

[ysobel]

My Monday group had a presentation by someone (hospice worker) on the effects of stress on the brain. It's basically the parts of our brain that deal with perceived sabertooth tigers, only it might be a new diagnosis or physical changes or dealing with caregivers (or divorce or job loss or grief or pandemics or whatever).

Decreased executive function, trouble processing language, reduced working memory (like "what was I doing"), irritability replaying memories of prior painful life experiences, increased impulsivity.

Uh. Yeah that's pretty much my life.

(Physical effects of cortisol also include fatigue hahaha I'm doomed.)

This is stuff I sort of already knew, but it's ... a very appropriately-timed refresh of why I'm not coping, why I've been feeling on the edge of a breakdown for ... months, but also the past few weeks in particular.

Comments

Yes!

[jesse_the_k]

This info was part of my DBT education, and it's so helpful to realize "I'm not over-reacting -- the system I use to react with is impaired!"

The universe, and chronic illness and steroids -- you're a fucking superhero to maintain any semblance of function right now.

Re: Yes!

[ysobel]

Sometimes I think the only reason I do have a semblance of function is because I have aides. When there's someone getting you out of bed and getting you dressed and shoving food at you, it's harder to me a molten heap of goo. And it's easier to go along with the standard routine than to deviate and also have to explain why I (e.g.) am not getting out of bed.

This is similar to what saved me from complete disintegration in college. Being in a wheelchair meant I was noticeable which meant the professors noticed my absence (if I missed a day because sick, when I came back they would ask where I had been and was I okay) so the path of least resistance was continuing to go to class despite being majorly depressed (with zero coping skills) so that I wouldn't have to explain why I didn't.

Re: Yes!

[jesse_the_k]

On the one hand, you're a marathoner

On the other hand, I'm sorry you've needed to develop these skills: I want everyone to be able to sleep in and skip class without getting a moral judgement.

[vass]

Yuppp.

[swingandswirl]

/gentle hugs/

[ysobel]

/cuddles/