(no subject)

[ysobel]

I made the mistake of checking my email (at 3:30 am)

there was a message from my doctor

Basically boiled down to "[adhd/asd] testing is usually done in schools. What's the point of finding out now, anyway?"

OH I DONT KNOW MAYBE MY BRAIN NOT WORKING HAS BECOME INTOLERABLE

MAYBE I WANT SOMETHING THAT ISNT SELF DIAGNOSIS

An autism evaluation is something I don't need except as how it's hard to untangle asd and add, and also I feel awkward telling anyone about it

But, like, I CANNOT FUCKING FUNCTION RIGHT NOW

I've only barely ever been able to function, I just thought everyone dealt with things like this ... the more I read adhd Twitter, the more I realize just how much the Pit Of I'm-A-Fuckup that I've carried my WHOLE FUCKING LIFE is exactly adhd stuff and/or asd

Only because I'm a girl and because I wasn't hyperactive I never got tested, never even considered. And now that I'm an adult it somehow doesn't matter???

And now I'm crying and ... it's not that I didn't know it would be a struggle getting an eval, I just didn't expect pushback from her in particular, really just I should not have looked at that email because now there's not a chance in hell I'll get back to sleep any time soon

Comments

[always_sundae]

I hope it’s alright to say hello, considering I just discovered you, but hi, fellow adhder and autistic here! I got diagnosed with adhd like 2-3 yrs ago now and I’ve been on medication for like 1.5 years. It has significantly changed my life to get that medication (I’m on a non-stimulant called Atomoxetine; brand name, Strattera).

You tell that doctor that your life has become intolerable, you are restless and distracted and can’t focus, no matter how hard you try, and that you’re at your wits end. That’s basically how I got my diagnosis. Technically, I didn’t have to get tested, I just told my symptoms and inability to focus or settle, but ymmv.

I’m sorry she wasn’t understanding and helpful and that she questioned your motives and the necessity of it. That freaking sucks! I’ve been there (on different diagnoses) and it completely takes the heart out of you (RSD for the win! /s) and makes you feel trapped and lost. I hope you get her to change your mind and if she won’t, find someone else who will listen (if at all possible financially/insurance wise). Until then, self-treatment can be a good stop gap, even if not a long term solution.

Also maybe send the doc articles of adults getting diagnosed with adhd and how helpful it is for them? Many neurotypicals think getting diagnosed with anything is just dragging someone down, but for many neurodivergents, it’s an answer to a pressing question and relieves us from the thought of “It’s just me [being bad]”.

Hopefully everything gets resolved soon enough, all my strongest sympathies and peace to you 😔

What @always_sundae said!

[jesse_the_k]

Here to confirm that psychic pain matters. The "point" is you're frustrated and miserable. That's not okay! You deserve to live your best life.

And diagnosis, in this case, could mean you get to put down a huge burden of "not good enough" you've been carrying for a long time.

(It's so frustrating that we have to rely on the medical establishment, which is so tilted towards "disabled lives are not really human," to get access to information and treatment that make disabled lives worth living.)

[rydra_wong]

Basically boiled down to "[adhd/asd] testing is usually done in schools. What's the point of finding out now, anyway?"

Vastly improved self-understanding. Ability to use said self-understanding to develop up with new coping strategies and tools, which for many people substantially improves functioning. Reduced self-blame.

(Got diagnosed with autism at 20 and it probably saved my life.)

[threeplusfire]

That is so so so unfortunate and terribly put. Adults do get evaluated! It is just a fact??

I don't know if it helps at all, but I wrote up my Super Serious Adult Voice response to this doctor. Sometimes I can't think in the moment how to respond when I'm so upset. So if you are struggling at all with how to tell your doctor to shove her opinion and schedule a damn evaluation already!

"I'd like to rule out all possibilities so I can approach my issues with appropriate strategies and best practices. Whatever the outcome, testing would provide peace of mind and would inform my plans for addressing the issues appropriately with my medical team and mental health providers going forward."

[shannnon_foraker]

This is giving me vibes of my life. Beep. Beep, we are hitting buttons. Female. Non-neurotypical. But, I'm younger than you, at least. I wish I'd figured that other people have brains like mine when I was younger.
Stim.Stim.

Sorry about wording.