Religion stuff... again

[ysobel]

It's a day ending in y, which means it's time for overthinking things. It's also Yom Kippur. And ... argh I don't even know, just dumping thoughts out

There's been a feeling for years, on and off, of wanting to return to Judaism, only it's not just a feeling (like, it's almost an external tog along with internal desire) and it's only sort of "return". My sister and I were both brought up casually bi-religious; we did Christmas and Easter and Passover and Hanukkah and didn't go to church or synagogue. My dad was brought up Jewish (not Orthodox, and it was via his dad not his mom) and my mom was vaguely-Lutheran-flavored Christian, so we got a bit of both... but only a bit.

So for various reasons (partly cultural visibility) I ended up joining a (presbyterian-flavored and very liberal) church ... But I'm not really satisfied with Christianity. Both the tenets of the religion (divinity of Christ being kind of a biggie; I can accept "very good prophet with enthusiastic fan club" more easily than "literal Son of God literally resurrected") and the legacy of Christianity (past and present, things like oppressing people or anti-lgbt or colonialist shit).

So I kind of want to go back to Judaism only more so. Not just "lol dreidel" stuff but deeper. Connect with my grandfather's ... community? legacy? Something. And I've been following several very excellent Rabbis on Twitter (and one also on Substack, which I feel guilty not subscribing to) and stuff.

Except... several things.

A) the rituals and the call-and-response aspects of church are things I'm familiar with; I had friends to show me what to do, and it's been part of my life since Junior High. I don't have that with Judaism. Can I recite the wine and bread blessings? Probably. But it's based on what I remember from childhood which was skewed to the fun stuff. I feel lost trying to do anything with synagogue stuff, even if viewing online because pandemic so no one will see if I don't do it right. It's like trying to jump into a fandom with twenty seasons and three spin-off movies and dozens of extended-canon books ... there's too much I don't know and I don't even know where to start

B) am I just appropriating Judaism? It's part of my childhood but I'm only sort of Jewish (my paternal grandfather was legitimately Jewish per matrilineal rules, my dad was brought up Jewish but I don't think he's currently practicing) and there are definitely cases of Christian people/organizations grabbing stuff for their own pleasure (e.g. Christian seders) and I don't want to do that.

B.2) or does the fact that my first and middle RL names come from the Torah give me a pass ;)

C) I kind of want to reach out to the rabbis I'm following on Twitter to get their perspective, but that's not really their job, being a personal religious counselor; they have better things to do than listen to me or explain the basics of how to get started

D) I know even now that I'm not even going to try to keep kosher, and because disabled (and so much of my life is online) I probably can't do the stricter levels of keeping sabbath; and I don't think I could fast for things like Yom Kippur; and some of that is probably dependent on what type of Judaism (I wouldn't pass for Orthodox anyway) but I can't decide how much is "I can't" and how much is "I donwanna", and if the latter does that count against me, and argh

am I just chickening out because it takes effort

... pretty sure I've had most of this flail before (sans Twitter rabbi stuff) but it keeps coming back at me

I don't know

Comments

[princessofgeeks]

I'm not Jewish, but I do know that several branches of Judaism do welcome converts, if you are worried that your family history is too tenuous or that it doesn't include a matrilineal element.

And there is also a history that goes back over 2,000 years of non-Jews participating in synagogues and following the practices out of a conviction that the religion was worthy of their allegiance. I forget the name of these people in Greek, but they existed and there are records of them contributing to synagogues in the Hellenistic world.

So I think you definitely "get" to be part of Judaism in whatever way sorts out for you. You are "allowed."

I am pretty sure the local temple or synagogue where you are would have a rabbi who would be happy to answer your questions, and they have all kinds of material they could send you or get to you about How To Begin. You don't have to Know All The Things before you are somehow "legit".

If you feel this kind of yearning, I think that's a big sign you could explore it! You could tell the local rabbi what you told us-- that your dad was from a Jewish family and that you have some history with Judaism as a child and that it's calling to you now after a passage of time.

Wishing you all the best.

[vass]

You know, if you did find a local rabbi of whatever denomination appeals to you, and talked to them about this... I bet that "the Jewish parts of my upbringing were skewed to the fun stuff and I want a deeper relationship with my heritage but don't know where to start" would be something they've heard before from more than one person. I bet it's a common story. Probably even with people who had two Jewish parents.

Re A: someone I follow on Tumblr converted to Judaism, and from what they mentioned about the process, there are classes and stuff, and ways to spend time with the community you want to join, building a relationship with those people, figuring out if you do want to be one of them.

Re B: I am certain you could ask a bunch of different Jewish people whether you count as Jewish, and get a bunch of different answers. It's complicated. Who is a Jew? is not just a Wikipedia page.

My sense, from the little I've read, is that it has a bit in common with arguments about who counts as Indigenous, where people from outside that group put a lot of effort into trying to define it and police those definitions, but what it really comes down to is family and community and shared culture and experience, which can only be recognised by people in that group. What you have, what you've described above, might or might not count as "being already Jewish" (depending who's talking) but it definitely is having Jewish heritage and cultural experiences, and it is not appropriation to want to honour that.

And it doesn't have to be all-or-nothing. You can reconnect a little and see if it keeps feeling right and you want to get closer. And I don't know for sure, but I suspect that there are groups that would be cool with having you spend time with them just on the basis of "having heritage that you want to learn more about and get closer to." With the caveat that the Christianity might make them wary and you'd want to be REALLY clear that you ARE NOT and DO NOT WANT TO BE a Jew for Jesus.

C) Do they answer questions like that from other people?

D) There are definitely allowances for disability.

I don't know either, but it does sound like you want to find out more.

[azurelunatic]

It doesn't sound like a phase, it sounds like a sustained interest in reconnecting/conversion, whichever the folks you connect with would frame it as.


If I (personally) were to convert, I would be forbidden from fasting, although I might adjust what I ate on fast days towards simplicity and functionality. (I have considered it but have arrived around the conclusion that I'm probably too pagan to be happy with the idea of conversion, at least at this point in my life.)

[jesse_the_k]

very good prophet with enthusiastic fan club is such an excellent description!

There are indeed lots of ways to be a Jew!

I grew up with a secular Jewish identity, which is definitely a thing. The Reconstructionists added a fourth, 20th century, flavor to the existing streams of Orthodox/Conservative/Reform.

Follow your heart.