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Nov. 27th, 2009 01:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysobelSometimes I think that the universe really *is* trying to get me to live in a nursing home or something.
Summary of aide saga to date: Have aides B,C,D. D gets pinched nerve and has to quit (I am still not sure how much of the injury was her wanting to get out). Hire L to take her place. B hurts her back and is out for a couple of weeks, then comes back. C quits. Hire E to take half of her place. Have failed to find someone for the other half.
During all this, over the last couple of years, my body has been getting more recalcitrant and more immobile, which makes things like toileting awkward at the best of times, and training new people (when I can find them, which is getting harder) is next to impossible.
Today, L calls out because her dad is in ICU and may not make it. And then, E expresses concern that she's not working out well enough and that I wasn't comfortable with her toileting me (I'm still sort of not but *only* because it takes several weeks at least to get a good techique down, this is only her second week, and my body is being really really stupid), and I just had the sort of bowel movement that is really pasty and messy and sticky and hard to clean up, and it's hard on me because of the standing thing but harder on the aides and I'm just so *frustrated* with having to have help with shit like this (pun only sort of not intended).
I am tired and frustrated and stressed and I can't seem to hold on to aides and my parents can't really do it on a long-term basis (mom for physical and mental reasons, dad for temporal and locational reasons, plus the whole "getting older" thing for both of them), and and and.
*bursts into tears*
Summary of aide saga to date: Have aides B,C,D. D gets pinched nerve and has to quit (I am still not sure how much of the injury was her wanting to get out). Hire L to take her place. B hurts her back and is out for a couple of weeks, then comes back. C quits. Hire E to take half of her place. Have failed to find someone for the other half.
During all this, over the last couple of years, my body has been getting more recalcitrant and more immobile, which makes things like toileting awkward at the best of times, and training new people (when I can find them, which is getting harder) is next to impossible.
Today, L calls out because her dad is in ICU and may not make it. And then, E expresses concern that she's not working out well enough and that I wasn't comfortable with her toileting me (I'm still sort of not but *only* because it takes several weeks at least to get a good techique down, this is only her second week, and my body is being really really stupid), and I just had the sort of bowel movement that is really pasty and messy and sticky and hard to clean up, and it's hard on me because of the standing thing but harder on the aides and I'm just so *frustrated* with having to have help with shit like this (pun only sort of not intended).
I am tired and frustrated and stressed and I can't seem to hold on to aides and my parents can't really do it on a long-term basis (mom for physical and mental reasons, dad for temporal and locational reasons, plus the whole "getting older" thing for both of them), and and and.
*bursts into tears*
no subject
Date: 2009-11-27 10:56 pm (UTC)