Mar. 16th, 2010

ysobel: A cat flopped out on the floor; text: meh (meh)
Had a run of really depressing dreams -- I can't remember everything, but some of it was me blatantly acting out the "...I don't deserve to be around people, no one wants me around" sigmathink, and some of it was me being abandoned, and the two were partially related but not completely but they were doing that fun self-feeding spiral, and it left me waking up gloomy and out-of-sorts.

(and, I suspect, hormonal.)

This was not improved by random internet outage. Lack of internets to whine to = not fun.

And as I was doing a non-internet activity, namely my [community profile] dwsockclub project, I finally figured out what was gnawing at the back of my mind about being off. The pattern has these ... kind of intertwining V shapes? And my sock was coming out not looking like the pattern. I didn't notice immediately, because the loom blocks the most recent 8-or-so rows, and then when I did notice I told myself it was just something about the loom that would resolve itself once I got the sock knitted and blocked, because I couldn't figure out what exactly was wrong.

...Until this morning, when -- at least 30 rows into the pattern, mind you -- I realized that I had flipped ssk and k2tog. Which means that the wrong stitch was being put in front, which means there wasn't the proper delineation of the V shapes.

(To be fair, it's not entirely my fault, because the instructions on loomknittinghelp -- you know, the ones where skp and ktog were matching when they shouldn't be -- were wrong, and I was just blindly following them. But I didn't really take the time to think, to grok why the pattern said to do what it did, and I should have.)

So now I have two-and-a-bit pattern repeats that are utterly messed up. And this is a top-down sock, so it's not like the first few pattern repeats will be hidden by shoes. Which means I pretty much have to frog it all and start over.

And I want to cry.

(I also want needle-knitting back, dammit. And cross-stitch.)

ETA: ways to /not/ make onesself feel better: sign on to WoW and queue for a random heroic, as a healer, and get freaking HoR. And then have lovely lag/latency issues (out of combat, it was fine, but in combat, I swear it was dipping to about 5fps or something). Yeah.

um.

Mar. 16th, 2010 09:24 pm
ysobel: (self esteem)
Given the way I am feeling, I have impending a) period and b) possibly some sort of illness or infection; but anyway, I am exhausted and mopey and crying at the drop of a hat, and I also have lots of self-frustrations and stuff, and negative spoons, and sigma is being obnoxious as depression-demons tend to be.

So, um.

I need a little help.

Tell me something nice about me? or tell me why you still read my pile of emo whinings journal? or, er, something? that might cheer me up? or make me feel better about myself? ...pretty please? Anon comments are screened by default [ETA also, enabled now *headdesk*] if you want privacy.

(I know that what has to change is the way /I/ see myself, but it's sometimes nice to get external lifelines.)

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ysobel: (Default)
masquerading as a man with a reason

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